Avoiding the Comparison Trap: How to Navigate through Facebook to Avoid Experiencing Mild Depression

Screen Shot 2016-08-29 at 10.18.43 am

Have you ever noticed that you sometimes feel a little flat after spending time on Facebook?

A study by Kross et al. (2013) found that young people experience lower levels of subjective well-being after spending time on the social media site.

Why would this be?

Some scholars argue that it’s because we compare.

According to social comparison theory this is what we do as humans: we compare ourselves to others all the time. And we learn to do this from a very young age. Even capuchin monkeys do this.

There was an experiment conducted by Brosnan and de Waal (2003) where they made capuchin monkeys work for rewards. For the first experiment, both monkeys were given a piece cucumber as a reward for their efforts. Both monkeys seemed happy with this.

But then one of the monkeys started receiving grapes instead of cucumber. Did the little monkey who was still receiving cucumber notice this? Of course. And he wasn’t happy.

In protest, he started throwing his cucumber pieces at the researcher! You can see the video footage here.

We may not realise it but sometimes we can be a bit like that little monkey when we go on Facebook. We have our eye on what others have and do and many of us feel sad and inadequate as a result. But more on this shortly.

The psychology of comparing

According to the psychological literature, there are two types of comparison we can engage in: 1) downward comparisons, and 2) upward comparisons.

When you compare up, you compare yourself to people who seem to be better off than you. These people have better grades, better looks and better things. “If only I was smarter like them, my life would be better!” you think to yourself.

Engaging in upward comparisons usually leaves us feeling a little ‘meh’ and lacklustre about our lives.

On the other hand, downward comparisons involve comparing yourself to people who appear to be worse off than you. How do you feel after making downward comparisons? Pretty good about the state of your life!

This is why Facebook may make you miserable…

When you’re on Facebook most of the time you’re engaging in upward comparisons. This is largely due to the dominance of ‘self-promoting’ status updates.

Researchers have proposed three classes of status updates:

1) Updates that reveal negative emotions and existential angst (e.g. “Having a bad day. Sometimes I wonder what the point of it all is”);
2) Updates recording ‘pooterish banality’ (e.g. “watching Breaking Bad with the cat on my lap while drinking a banana milkshake. Can’t complain.”); and
3) Updates that are self-promoting in nature (e.g. “Just signed the book deal with the publisher! Time to pop the champagne!”).

Due to evolutionary motives, most of us post updates that fall into category 3. We have a tendency to post the best bits of our lives online. The most exciting parts. We’ve all seen it: a delicious meal out with friends. Holiday snaps by a pool in Bali. A selfie with a famous person.

I know one person who posts continuously about his adventures around the world, his meetings with celebrities and appearances at award nights with him holding multiple trophies. Boy, does he sure make his life look exciting! But when I look at his updates, I feel inadequate and exhausted.

When your goal in life is to be happy

Once your basic needs are met and your goal in life is to be happy and achieve some level of success, then Facebook is a potential avenue for you to become miserable and depressed.

After all, how do we measure how successful we are? It’s all relative to others.

We look at Johnny standing by his new Porsche after he’s been given the keys from the dealer, we see a friend has just graduated with a PhD and another has just published her third book that is set to become a bestseller. And we don’t feel so good.

As Blease (2015) states:

“Being confronted by conspicuously and overwhelmingly positive impressions of one’s Facebook friends increases the occasion for comparative evaluations; and escalates the risk for negative appraisals: Facebook presents more opportunities to feel like a loser”

So what can we do to avoid feeling like a loser?

You could try shifting your perspective. Neuroscientist Dr Sam Harris asks the question:

“Do you want to be inspired by the creativity and success of others or do you want to be diminished by it?”

Dr Harris suggests if you want other peoples’ success to be a source of joy and inspiration for you (rather than to diminish you) then it may be a matter of shifting your thinking. As he says, we tend to think:

“There are only 10 slices of pie and every piece that is taken is less for me!”.

Perhaps there is enough pie (i.e. opportunities) out there for all us. Thinking in this way can help us to rejoice in the successes of others rather than feel envious.

It’s also important to keep in mind that people’s Facebook profiles are completely manufactured and not an accurate portrayal of reality. It’s a curated life. As Wallman reminds us in his book ‘Stuffocation’:

“Your friends’ lives may well not be so perfect…life for most people, after all, is not a flawless timeline of weekends away and weddings in glamorous places. And if you stop to think about it, you know that.

But it is hard to keep that in perspective and not be affected by all those sunsets, sunrises, and lunches of the verandah. And since we are all connected to so many people on Facebook, there is always someone jetting off to Costa Rica, having lunch in Lima, lounging on a boat in the Mediterranean, or attending a wedding in Marrakech.

…So each time we check in, we cannot help but feel that our lives are so much smaller, hollower, and frankly, more earthbound than those of our friends who are off doing glamorous things. This constant bombardment leaves us feeling always at the bottom of the pile looking up”.

But perhaps the antidote to feeling like a loser may be to simply spend less time on Facebook. As Blease (2015) proposes, we are more likely to feel depressed by Facebook when we:

a) have more online friends;
b) spend a lot of time reading the updates of a wide pool of ‘friends’;
c) frequently read these Facebook updates;
d) read updates that tend to be bragging in nature; and
e) access Facebook as a solitary pursuit.

Spending less time on Facebook limits your exposure to content that may result in upward comparisons. Or if you don’t like that idea, you could unfollow ‘friends’ who tend to brag or go one step further by artfully doing a ‘friend cull’.

So next time you’re scrolling through your Facebook feed and you start to feel a pang of inadequacy, remind yourself of that little capuchin monkey. Remind yourself that you’re in a distorted landscape, where people are driven by evolutionary motives to present themselves in the best possible light. And instead of throwing some cucumber in protest at the screen, log off and go do something else.

References

Blease, C. R. (2015). Too many ‘friends,’too few ‘likes’? Evolutionary psychology and ‘Facebook depression’. Review of General Psychology, 19(1), 1.

Brosnan, S. F., & De Waal, F. B. (2003). Monkeys reject unequal pay. Nature, 425(6955), 297-299.

Kross, E., Verduyn, P., Demiralp, E., Park, J., Lee, D. S., Lin, N., . . . Ybarra, O. (2013). Facebook use predicts declines in subjective well- being in young adults. PLoS One, 8, e69841.

Share This:

Facebook
X
LinkedIn

Related Posts

At the hairdressers

I’ve had many great conversations while sitting in the hairdresser’s chair.

The other day, I was getting my haircut when my hairdresser told me something her 15-year-old son had said. His words took her completely by surprise. He said:

“Mum, I need to try harder this year.”

I hear those words a lot. Try harder.

I hear them from students who want to do better at school and from teachers who are trying to motivate students (“You need to try harder”).

But what does it actually mean to “try harder”?

The problem is that this advice is too vague and abstract.

If you don’t have a clear picture of what ‘trying harder’ looks like, you’re in dangerous territory because you’re attempting to motivate yourself towards an abstraction.

Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg

In the book Tiny Habits, Professor BJ Fogg explains the problems associated with motivating yourself to achieve a vague goal. He writes:

“You’ve probably seen a well-meaning public-health poster in the doctor’s office that shows lots of colourful vegetables with the headline: EAT THE RAINBOW!

At first glance, you think: Yes, I need to eat better food. But then you’re not sure what practical steps to take. How much green and how much red? That means salad and apples, right? It can’t mean mint ice-cream and red licorice, can it? You are motivated to “eat the rainbow,” but maybe you don’t know how. You feel frustrated and end up being a little hard on yourself.”

I didn’t want my hairdresser’s son to feel frustrated and annoyed with himself. He clearly had good intentions.

I asked my hairdresser, “What does trying harder look like for your son? If he’s trying harder, what is he doing?”

She said she wasn’t sure. So, I kept asking questions.

“Does it look like him sitting down and testing himself with flashcards before a test? Taking notes in class? Listening to the teacher instead of chatting with his mates?”

The answer was clear. She said, “Listening to the teacher! He needs to start listening to his teachers.”

I also mentioned that it would help if he learnt his teachers’ names (you’d be surprised how many teachers tell me their students don’t know their names).

Remembering a teacher’s name, staying focused on what they have to say, resisting distractions, taking notes and reading your textbook may sound easy, but these are skills that require continuous practice.

If you’re not used to doing them, they can feel hard.

Even with years of practice under my belt, understanding new ideas still feels hard. These days, reading feels like weightlifting for my mind!

After getting my haircut, for the next 24 hours, I kept thinking about those words “try harder”.

Something was bugging me about it because I felt it wasn’t helpful to tell yourself to “try harder”. . . and then, like a bolt of lightning, the answer hit me: my hairdresser’s son doesn’t need to try harder. He needs to focus on doing a few specific hard things.

Do hard things

By ‘specific hard things’, I mean concrete behaviours he can do right now (or at a specific point in time) to improve his understanding of his school subjects.

For example, if he wanted to start a home study routine, here are some concrete behaviours I’d recommend he try:

  • Put your phone away from your body in another room
  • Walk or jog for five minutes before sitting down to study
  • Draw a picture of a concept you need to understand for an upcoming test
  • Test yourself with a deck of flashcards
  • Step up to a whiteboard (or grab a large sheet of paper) and use it to explain an idea

 

These are just a few behaviours that come to mind when I think about “trying harder” with your studies.

Doing these concrete behaviours just once won’t make you go from good to great. But you’ll be surprised by how much meaningful progress you can make in a single, effective study session.

Welcome discomfort into your world

We live in a world where comfort and convenience are increasingly normalised. We expect things, including learning, to be easy.

Life wasn't suppose to be easy

You don’t have to cook (thank you Uber Eats).

You don’t have to move (thank you car).

You don’t have to experience boredom (thank you social media and Netflix).

You don’t even have to use your brain anymore (thank you ChatGPT and Claude).

By outsourcing tasks that require physical and cognitive effort, we may save time, but there are hidden costs.

What are the hidden costs?

People are losing their skills, destroying their health, and atrophying their brains, all while being flooded with unhealthy levels of dopamine. I’d even go as far as saying that people are losing their lives and what it means to be human.

In every moment, we have a choice: we can do the easy thing that gives us a quick dopamine hit, or we can do the hard thing that gives us a slow and healthy release of dopamine.

Choose to do hard things

Here are some examples of what I’m talking about . . .

When you wake up, you can scroll on your phone or do some physical activity.

At the end of the day, you can order takeaway that is engineered to light up the reward pathways in your brain, or you can prepare a healthy homemade meal.

When you’ve got a spare 30 minutes, you can watch some YouTube or go for a walk outside.

You can use ChatGPT to write your essay, or you can use your brain and build your skills.

You can talk to an AI chatbot and have a friction-free relationship, or you can organise to meet up with a friend.

Every time you choose the hard thing over the easy thing, you build your confidence. You can trust yourself to do hard things and survive them. Over time, as you build your skills, those hard things don’t feel as hard as they once did.

For instance, if the Internet goes down and you’re not dependent on ChatGPT, you know you’ll be okay. You can rely on yourself to think and entertain yourself (thank you brain).

This is why I’m committing to doing hard things this year. I’m challenging myself, and I know I’ll be better for it.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about self-harm or inflicting extreme pain on myself.

I’m referring to activities that bring up a cringey discomfort and make me think, “Ahhh, I don’t want to do this!”.

These include activities that require sustained focus and/or mental and physical effort, such as writing an article, going for a run, riding my bike to the shops, and meditating.

How can you get yourself to do hard things if you’ve become used to taking the path of comfort and convenience?

The simplest way is to ease into doing those hard things. Turn those hard things into tiny habits.

Here is a list of tiny habits for hard things I’m focusing on doing:

  • After I wake up and put on my gym clothes, I will make my bed.
  • After I make my bed, I will block myself from accessing addictive apps on my phone and hop on my treadmill.
  • After I hop on my treadmill, I will run for 30 minutes.
  • After I get ready for the day, I will put my phone on silent mode and place it away from my body in another room (far away from my workspace).
  • After I have breakfast, I will do five minutes of meditation.
  • After my meditation session, I will spend five minutes making a plan for the day.
  • After I finish creating my plan, I will use my brain to write for 25 minutes at my treadmill desk.
  • After I finish writing, I will sit down and do 20 minutes of mind mapping.
  • When I need to research a topic, I will use Google and Google Scholar (not ChatGPT).
  • When travelling on public transport, I’ll put my phone away and try to strike up a conversation with a stranger.

 

Some of these things may not seem like much, but all of these behaviours require mental and physical effort. Remember, there’s a much easier alternative: sitting, tapping, swiping, and scrolling on your phone.

For instance, I don’t need to chop vegetables and cook my meals. I could eat out or order food to my door. This would save me time and effort (cooking my meals can feel like a part-time job).

But I know I would suffer at some point (physically, mentally, and financially).

Chopping vegetables and cooking take effort, but it helps me cultivate calm. When done with a focused mind (not listening to podcasts or talking on the phone), I really enjoy these activities.

If I were to outsource these activities, I’d be going backwards, because I’d most likely lose my valuable cooking skills over time.

Similarly, writing articles like this one feels hard. But hard doesn’t mean bad. It’s satisfying to focus my mind, wrestle with ideas, and write.

Many of us mistakenly believe that an easy life is a better life. But it’s not. A life where you are constantly pursuing pleasure and taking the easy path can lead to anhedonia.

What is anhedonia?

Anhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure in things that were once pleasurable (e.g., a homecooked meal or a sunset). Some people describe it as life in greyscale.

Life in greyscale mode

It turns out the more pleasure we pursue, the more pleasure we need and the more pain we experience.

It may sound counterintuitive, but pursuing hard things makes you feel more motivated and more positive about life.

As humans, we want to challenge ourselves. We’re wired for it.

Psychiatrist Dr Anna Lembke encourages us to take on difficult, even painful, activities as a way of “aligning our primitive wiring with our modern ecosystem”. She writes:

“We are survivors. We’re wired for struggle, especially of physical nature. Yet we live in a world in which we’re largely insulated from pain. And not just pain, but also discomfort of any kind. Everything is supplied to us at the touch of a finger. Now we struggle just to get up off the couch. Our modern ecosystem incentivizes inactivity. Inactivity breeds lethargy. Lethargy breeds anxiety and depression. We must fight against this.”

So, forget trying harder. Work out a few hard things you want to do and focus on doing them instead.

 

Do one thing at a time

Over 10 years ago, I interviewed a woman who was addicted to her phone.

For context, she was a sales manager who used a BlackBerry phone for work (a fancy, expensive device at the time).

Every minute of the interview, her phone pinged with a notification or she received an email alert on her laptop. She’d glance at one of her devices and, with a panicked look, say, “I need to answer this!”

It was an awkward and disjointed conversation, full of stops and starts. I have to admit, her behaviour annoyed me. I soon realised I wasn’t the only person feeling this way.

The sales manager mentioned that she had a 4-year-old daughter who would get upset with her.

She told me that her little girl would beg her to put her phone and computer away. She’d tug at her clothes and cry, “Mummy! Mummy! Put your phone away!”

Put your phone away!

I appreciated this woman’s honesty, especially when she said to me:

“On the weekend, I’m with my kids but not truly with them… if you know what I mean”.

I knew exactly what she meant.

That was over 10 years ago. Fast forward to today, and we’re all a bit like that sales manager. But things are a lot worse now.

Instead of being overwhelmed and distracted by phone calls and work emails, we’re dealing with powerful Big Tech companies that hijack our time, energy, and attention.

They’ve made us weak-willed and impulsive.

We’re now in a position where distraction is something we crave rather than put up with.

When we have a gap in our schedule or we have to wait in line, what do most of us do? We reach for our phones without even thinking.

Rather than be alone with our thoughts, we desperately try to fill the space with ‘phone snacks’.

When we feel confused, frustrated, or bored, we run to our devices to escape the discomfort and our brains reward us for doing so.

Every time we switch tasks, our brain releases a little shot of dopamine.

It’s these quick hits of dopamine that train us to crave checking our phones and, ultimately, multitasking.

In an environment of unrestricted tech use, my brain is like a wild monkey. It wants to run around, make a mess, and explore many different things all at once.

Wild monkey brain

I can relate to Dr Nancy Colier when she writes in The Power of Off, the mind on technology is like a “wild, locked-up monkey that’s drunk two bottles of wine chased by a shot of Scotch and been stung by a whole swarm of bees”.

When I start multitasking (and it doesn’t take much to get me going), I feel amped up, frenzied, and agitated. My energy feels a little crazy.

Research shows that as we quickly switch from one task to another, we rapidly deplete our finite mental resources and put our brains under a lot of stress.

But it gets worse . . .

When we multitask, we also experience what researcher Sophie Leroy calls Attention Residue.

In a research paper called Why is it so hard to do my work? Leroy explains Attention Residue as the extent to which your attention is only partially focused on the current activity because a prior activity (the task you rapidly switched from) is still holding part of your attention.

Attention residue paper

Why does this matter?

Leroy’s research found that when you experience Attention Residue, your performance suffers.

It’s as if you’ve taken a big dollop of the previous task and put a thick slather of it all over the current task, thereby making a mess of the present moment.

The quest to be (and stay) present

The good news is we can stop messing with our precious moments by focusing on one task at a time.

In his excellent book Time Surfing, Zen Monk Paul Loomans encourages us to focus on one task at a time, with minimal interruptions, and do it until completion. He says if we do this, we will experience a sense of calm and pleasure in everything we do.

Time Surfing by Paul Loomans

Even tasks we consider boring or mundane (e.g., peeling potatoes or cleaning your room) can be transformed into artistry when you are truly present.

Part of the problem is that we’re often in a rush to get to the next thing on our to-do lists. But as Loomans warns, “Rushing is like gulping down time. You’re not living for now but for later”.

To counter this frenetic urge to race ahead, Loomans suggests that we accept whatever we are doing as “the activity of the moment”. In other words, we view the task before us as the most important thing we can be doing in this moment and we forget the rest.

It’s a simple but powerful mental shift.

I’ve noticed that when I accept whatever I am doing as the thing I should be doing right now, I no longer feel the urge to work with such intense energy. I feel calmer. An added bonus is that when I slow down, I make fewer mistakes and tend to do a better job.

At the heart of it, doing one thing at a time means showing up to life and being present, to the good stuff but also the painful, boring bits.

If you find yourself reaching for your phone more than you’d like, ask yourself this question:

“Am I reaching for my phone to escape the present moment?”

For me, the answer is usually yes. I’m trying to avoid the discomfort of life. But life tends to be more meaningful and enjoyable when I stay fully present to what’s happening around me, with my phone out of sight.

Strategies to help you live with greater intention and focus

Technology will dominate your life, and multitasking will be an issue unless you have strategies to protect your time, energy, and attention.

What motivates me to set limits on my tech use (specifically my phone) is a desire to feel calm, grounded, and focused. I also want to live a life of substance, not one in which I am constantly chasing instant gratification.

Here are the strategies that I am currently practising to help me decrease multitasking and cultivate calm:

1. My phone is out of sight for most of the day

My phone is not within arm's reach

When I’m with someone or working on an important task, I put my phone away and keep it out of sight. I want to be fully present with the person I’m with or the task at hand. Why?

Because attention is how we show others they matter.

When someone is checking their phone in a social situation, it communicates “I’m more interested in what’s happening on this screen than I am in you”.

When I think back to the interview with the sales manager, it would have been a better experience for everyone if she had put her phone on silent, left it in her bag, and closed her laptop.

There would have been fewer times saying “What was the question again?” and “Sorry, I can’t remember what we were talking about”.

We probably would have felt more connected, too.

Note: Even when my phone isn’t within arm’s reach, I can still catch myself rapidly switching between web browsers and tasks. However, I’ve noticed that my multitasking significantly increases when my phone is within arm’s reach.

2. I do intermittent phone fasting

You’ve probably heard of intermittent fasting, where you have a window for eating (e.g., 10am to 6pm). But have you heard of phone fasting?

Phone fasting is a period during the day when your phone is not within reach.

As TJ Power states in The Dose Effect:

“A phone fast enables your dopamine to replenish and creates the opportunity for connection and restoration.”

So, as an experiment, for 30 days, I phone fasted from 8pm until 12noon the next day (allowing myself to make urgent calls if needed). I discovered that this made a big difference to my ability to focus. I also experienced a sense of calm like never before.

3. I create a wish list at the start of the day

At the start of the day, I create a ‘Wish List’ (another wonderful concept from Paul Looman’s Time Surfing book).

I write down all the things I’d like to do in the day, but there’s no pressure to do all of them. I then put the list away, and depending on how I feel, I listen to my intuition and trust myself to choose the right activity to begin with.

Before I start a work session, I also declare what I intend to do (e.g., “Chop vegetables for curry” or “Write for 45 minutes”). If possible, I also like to share what I plan to do with another human (I use an online coworking community called Cave Day to do this).

4. I take regular movement breaks

Regular movement breaks

After every 25-30 minutes of work, I aim to take a short movement break (usually 2-5 minutes in duration). This helps me to stay energised and alert. But most importantly, it gives me a brain boost.

What I wish I had understood when I was younger is that you can’t focus for hours on end. It’s not humanly possible because your brain has a finite amount of attentional resources. This means as you focus on doing a task, your attentional resources get depleted (and if you multitask, you accelerate the depletion even more!).

However, research shows you can boost your attentional resources by taking short breaks or, as Paul Loomans likes to call them, ‘breathers’.

A ‘breather’ is any activity that allows you to get out of your head and grounded in your body.

Some of my favourite breather activities include going for a short walk, chopping vegetables, or riding my bike to pick up a package from the post office. These activities allow my brain and thoughts to roam free.

Although many of us default to checking our phones during breaks, resist the urge. The problem with using your phone on a break is that you’re still in your head. This means you’re churning through your attentional resources instead of replenishing them.

Final thoughts

The sense of calm and pleasure I experience when I stop multitasking and focus on doing one thing at a time is second to none.

But in the age of the Attention Economy, with so many companies trying to hijack our attention, it takes discipline and practice to stay focused.

Without strategies in place to protect your focus, the default will be multitasking and its friends – chaos, stress, and fatigue.

We may not have a 4-year-old child tugging on our clothes when we’re using our phones. But perhaps we should all listen to the wisdom of that little girl and put our phones away.

My first car was a dilapidated Suzuki Swift.  

But just to be clear – this car wasn’t in bad shape when I first got it. I turned this car into a jalopy through neglect and ignoring basic warning signs.

Whenever I gave my friends a lift in this car, I remember that they always looked visibly uncomfortable. They’d say with a nervous laugh:

“Jane, what’s that strange rattling sound?”

“Why is there a red warning light on your dashboard?”

I wasn’t fussed about the red light or the strange rattling sound.

Somehow, I’d missed the adulting lesson on basic car maintenance.

For many years, I never bothered to get my car serviced. I drove it to the point where it rattled and shook violently, the engine would cut out while driving, and the brakes squealed at a painfully high pitch.

It got to the point where I could no longer ignore these problems, but by then, it was too late. My car was beyond repair and could only be salvaged for scrap metal.

I’m embarrassed to share this, as that’s no way to treat a car that gets you from A to B and uses the Earth’s finite resources. But stay with me because there’s an important point I want to make, and it’s this. . .

The way that I treated my first car is symbolic of how many people treat their bodies, especially when they’re young.

When I was younger, I engaged in several unhealthy lifestyle practices. Whilst I never smoked, took drugs, or consumed alcohol, I ate huge amounts of processed junk food (I didn’t know how to cook).

I also frequently sacrificed sleep to pull all-nighters to complete my assignments (I struggled with procrastination).

My body seemed resilient. It appeared capable of handling the shocks. But over time, I started feeling tired and rundown. Still, I kept pushing myself like my old car. The only time I could rest was when I got sick.

These days, everything’s quite different.

I am physically unable to thrash my body around like an old jalopy.

Something as simple as consuming too much salt or sugar can send my brain spiralling out of control.

I was reminded of this a couple of weeks ago when I visited a friend in hospital. Because I was spending a lot of time at the hospital, my usual routines of grocery shopping and cooking from scratch were disrupted.

But then to make matters worse, I was given $80 worth of vouchers to spend at the hospital cafeteria. I thought, “How bad can hospital cafeteria food be?”.

It turns out really bad.

Cheese kranskys (sausages), heaps of salty hot chips, deep-fried chicken, and soft drinks were the main options at this hospital cafeteria.

Unhealthy food seemed completely normalised in this hospital environment. My jaw dropped when I saw a patient order not just one but five cheese kransky sausages!

In this hospital setting, I also started to eat poorly. It was on my third day of eating hot chips from the hospital cafeteria when I noticed that these chips weren’t doing me any favours. I was feeling off my game.

So I decided enough was enough. I gave the remaining hospital food vouchers to a homeless man who was hanging around the cafeteria, desperate for a feed. It was back to home cooked meals for me!

Who would have thought some hot chips could wreak so much havoc with my brain and body?

This greasy processed hospital food had a ripple effect on the rest of my life. I slept badly, which impacted my ability to run the next morning (my joints hurt). I felt resistance to using my treadmill desk because everything felt much harder than usual. Since I was moving less, I was more distracted.

I know all this might sound a bit dramatic, especially to those of us who enjoy a few hot chips (e.g., my husband). Given my friend was in a hospital bed and couldn’t walk, I am fully aware of how lucky I am to be able to run in the first place (even with sore joints).

The point I’m trying to make is this . . .

I know what it feels like to feel really good, and I value that feeling. When I feel good, everything feels easier.

I also know that small decisions, like eating too many hot chips or staying up late, can add up and take their toll on your mind and body. These tiny decisions can have a big impact on the way you feel.

When I was younger, I could eat whatever I wanted and still feel pretty good. Sometimes I’d feel a bit off, but not in a noticeable way.

As Dr Randy J Paterson states in his book How to Be Miserable in Your Twenties:

“In your twenties, some people can do practically anything to their bodies, experience no immediate physical consequences, and feel emotionally more or less well. Random sleep cycle, sedentary lifestyle, lousy diet, 90 percent of the day staring at screen, binge-drinking, isolation, the works. The body doesn’t completely fall apart, and the mind, while not thrilled, hangs on.

Later on, the effect is more immediate. Live exactly the same way at thirty-five, at forty-five, and things don’t go so well. Take a middle-aged car and drive it aggressively down jolting roads, loaded to the max, old oil clogging the engine, and it’s not going to last long. The baseline mood at forty-with no maintenance, no exercise, no dietary adjustment, no stability, and no social life- is misery. ”

Like a car, the human body requires regular basic maintenance. I see this basic maintenance as a collection of small behaviours that leave me feeling calm, grounded, and focused.

Here are a few things I need to do to keep myself running smoothly:

  • Engage in high-intensity exercise every morning
  • Limit my intake of salt and refined sugar
  • Be in bed by 9.30pm each night
  • Stay off social media and limit my time looking at screens
  • Give myself the right fuel (i.e., eat lots of plants and wholefoods and drink plenty of water)
  • Minimise my consumption of processed foods
  • Connect with friends and family
  • Avoid sitting for long periods of time
  • Go outside and spend time in nature
  • Give myself fun rest breaks
  • Try to do one thing at a time (multitasking scrambles my brain)

 

Every now and then, I’ll abandon these behaviours. I’ll have a day where I eat and do whatever I like. I’ll order takeaway, sit on the couch and binge-watch a series until late at night. I usually pay for it the next day, but it also gives me a better appreciation of these healthy practices and what they do for my body and mind.

It’s all about tuning in and noticing how certain things make you feel. For example, when I was in my mid-20s, I noticed every time I ate deep-fried chicken, I experienced sharp stomach pains.

That was like the red warning light on my car dashboard going off in my body. But instead of ignoring it, I paid close attention. Eventually, I decided it wasn’t worth the pain. So I stopped buying greasy deep-fried chicken and eventually went plant-based, which immediately improved my mental and physical health.

Final thoughts

There’s no doubt that modern life can be hectic and stressful. When you’re rushing from one thing to another, it’s easy to overlook the basics and ignore the warning signs.

I’m not proud of how I treated my first car, but I learnt from the experience. Now I make sure I get my car serviced regularly. This saves me time, money, and stress in the long run.

Similarly, we need to pay attention to the way in which we look after ourselves. By dedicating time, energy, and attention to the small things that make us feel better, our experience of the present moment becomes richer. As longevity researcher Dan Buettner says, “You can add years to your life and life to your years”.

 

Image Credit

Suzuki Swift 1.3 GTi 1990” by RL GNZLZ is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0. (used in image 1)

Scrap yard 22l3” by Snowmanradio at English Wikipedia (Original text: snowmanradio) is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0. (used in image 2)

KFC Wicked Wings” by avlxyz is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0. (used in image 5)