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Latest Articles
I used to live with this nagging feeling that I wasn’t quite enough.
Not smart enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not successful enough.
This feeling of inadequacy drove me to work in unsustainable and unhealthy ways. I felt desperate to make something of myself in this world.
It took doing a PhD to make me realise why I felt this way and learn how to escape the trap of workaholism and materialism.
Now I can say that I feel satisfied with myself and my lot in life. I am enough. I have enough. I feel successful according to my own definition and metrics of success.
In this article, I share a cautionary tale and a radical approach that can help you feel successful just as you are.
A cautionary tale: Selling the dream of success
When I was a university student, my good friend became a rep for a multi-level marketing company.
This gave me a glimpse into a world of people at a whole other level of desperation to become “successful” according to Capitalism’s definition of success (i.e., having lots of money and material goods).
As a poor law student, I was invited to several multi-level marketing ‘parties’. The aim of these parties was to get you to buy the products (e.g., makeup, skin creams, and vitamin supplements).
There were also more hardcore gatherings that focused on signing you up to become a rep for the multi-level marketing company, so you’d recruit more people to the scheme and sell more products.
A rep high up in the multi-level marketing company would facilitate these recruitment drives in the comfort of my friend’s family home.
The reps were always impeccably dressed as they sold a grandiose vision of being a sales rep (e.g., international travel, limousine rides, and a life of leisure).
The underlying message being peddled was:
“If you join us, you’ll be making money in your sleep!”
It sounded too good to be true. And that’s because it was.
This particular multi-level marketing company encouraged the reps to engage in personal development through reading.
My friend’s reading list included titles such as Reject Me – I Love It!, How to Win Friends and Influence People, and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Taped to the walls of her family’s home were cut-out pictures from magazines of luxury cars, cruise ships, and attractive women dressed in stylish clothes. Smack bang in the centre of the wall was a massive hand-drawn picture of a diamond.
When I asked why these images were on the walls, I was told they were reminders of why they were working so hard. The walls were like a massive vision board for the family. These images represented what a “successful” life looked like.
These images made me feel sad and uneasy, because in my eyes, my friend had already achieved so much in her life. She was already successful.
It was even more unsettling when the selling of products moved beyond the multi-level marketing parties and into informal social gatherings.
One social gathering I will never forget. It haunts me to this day.
For some context, I was in my early twenties, and I felt quite insecure about my appearance. Like most young people, I was still figuring out who I was, and what I wanted to do with my life.
So when my friend casually pointed out after a meal that I had bad acne, but she had a skin cream she could sell me, this left me feeling hurt and confused.
I was in a difficult position: did I purchase the expensive skin cream to maintain our relationship? Or did I say no to buying the skin cream, embrace my acne, and potentially hurt my friend’s feelings in the process?
It was a difficult and messy situation I wouldn’t wish on any young person.
My younger self didn’t have the skills or tact to handle this situation with the care it needed, and sadly, our friendship didn’t survive.
Fast forward to today…
I understand why my younger self felt so confused during this period. I can clearly see the lies the multi-level marketing company pushed.
Before I go any further, I want to be clear that my friend and her family, who were reps for this multi-level marketing company, had no malicious intent.
They were good people who were desperate to make a better life for themselves. They were victims of a predatory corporate structure that peddled a bunch of lies to hook people in.
One of the big lies that this multi-level marketing company pushed was the idea that ‘You’re not enough’.
Another big lie was that to be happy and successful, you need a flash car, a fancy house, and lots of money. Oh, and don’t forget the expensive skin creams.
If you don’t have those things, you’re a loser. So, you better hop to it and start selling products and recruiting reps!
Of course, this isn’t just the world of multi-level marketing companies. This is the dominant message of mainstream consumer culture and advertising.
In our lives, we may not be selling skin creams and vitamins for a multi-level marketing company, but we are trading our time and life energy for money. Money that can buy us stuff that advertisers convince us we need.
Here’s the thing you need to understand about advertising…
Ads don’t just sell us products. They sell us particular ideas of success. They tell us what we should value and what is normal. They tell us how we should live our lives.
In the world of advertising:
Stuff = Happiness = Success
But we should pause and question these ideas. Why? Because the research paints a very different picture of what brings us happiness and fulfilment (Spoiler alert: it’s not more stuff).
The high price of materialism
The pictures of luxury goods that were taped to the walls of my friend’s home illustrated what all of us are told to value.
We live in a consumeristic and capitalist culture that celebrates materialistic values. This set of values focuses on extrinsic pursuits such as striving to obtain money, possessions, and an attractive appearance.
Living in this culture, it’s extremely difficult to not internalise these values.
However, research shows that being highly oriented towards materialistic values is harmful to psychological health and personal wellbeing.
Why would it be that pursuing diamonds, nice clothes, and social status fails to make us happy?
In his book The High Price of Materialism, Social Psychologist Dr Tim Kasser argues that our wellbeing comes from satisfying our core psychological needs (i.e., needs for security, competence, and connections to others) and orienting one’s life around materialistic pursuits is a poor way to get these needs met.
Other research has found that once our basic to moderate needs are met, more stuff doesn’t bring us additional happiness.
Evidence for this is all around us. Just look at Billionaires like Elon Musk, Donald Trump, and Sam Altman. Do these people look happy to you?
The people above look restless and miserable, except for Australian gardening show host, Costa Georgiadis (Note: he is not a billionaire and I can’t imagine he’s aspiring to become one).
Others have argued that the reason wealthy people can have so much but still not be happy is because their expectations keep rising. In other words, the more you have, the more you want more.
This is why the author of the book The Psychology of Money, Morgan Housel, argues that the most valuable financial skill you can have is not budgeting but not having to impress other people.
That’s right. Not having to impress other people is the most valuable financial skill you can cultivate.
If you can determine what success means to you, then you free yourself of the trap of trying to get other people’s attention by acquiring more and more fancy stuff.
Not feeling the need to impress other people is a goal well worth pursuing, especially when you realise that no one cares about your house, car and stuff as much as you do.
Defining success on your own terms
I want to invite you to join me in a world where I’m enough, and you’re enough.
In this world, if you do the work, you can feel successful, just as you are, today.
You don’t have to wait until you reach the top spot in your class, school, sport, or company. You don’t even need a lot of money or stylish clothes.
How can we feel successful just as we are, with all our imperfections?
In his excellent book Where the Light Gets In, mindset coach Ben Crowe says the secret is to live in alignment with your values and create your own metrics for success.
He believes that if you live in alignment with your values, you are successful. Simple as that.
Instead of plastering your walls with images of all the material items you dream of having, Crowe encourages us to develop a ‘Success list’. The question to ask yourself is,
“How do I know when I’m being successful?”
Before you can answer this, you need to get clear on what you value (i.e., what’s most important to you).
For me, I value my freedom, health, growth and learning, relationships, and community.
With these values in mind, I know I’m being successful when:
- I wake up and exercise for an hour before doing any work.
- I prepare healthy home-cooked meals for my family.
- I am walking and working at my treadmill desk.
- I get up after sitting in a chair every 20-30 minutes and move my body for 5 minutes.
- I make time to catch up with my friends and family.
- I get to decide what I do with my day (I’m my own boss).
- I’m attending community events and speaking up on the issues I care about.
- I spend my mornings writing about ideas that are important to me.
- I am creating mind maps on books I read.
Crowe describes what he believes to be a ‘successful life’. He writes:
“It’s a world full of relationships, experiences and memories. A world of confidence and happiness. Most importantly, it’s a world where we determine what success means for ourselves, not by anyone else’s measure. And finally, it’s where success can be in the present moment, not in some future state we may never arrive at.”
Instead of focusing on what you want to have, your focus is on how you want to be and the behaviours you need to engage in to be that person.
Final thoughts
I’m not sure if my friend ever made it to the top tiers of the multi-level marketing company, but if she did, I know the feeling of satisfaction or happiness wouldn’t have lasted long.
I once heard Hollywood Psychotherapist Phil Stutz say in an interview, “You’ll never be satisfied in our [Capitalist] culture”.
Just as a multi-level marketing company is set up to make those at the bottom feel desperate to achieve more, consumer culture is designed so most of us never feel satisfied with what we have.
The only path to happiness and fulfilment is to create our own metrics for success; otherwise we will constantly want more because of the powerful influence of advertising.
In the fictional book Alan Opts Out, advertising executive Alan thinks to himself:
“What was an ad man, really, but a homegrown terrorist, convincing people that their lives were not worth living unless they bought new stuff?”
This same advertising executive comes to the conclusion that “you can get by with less than what you have” and that most of us would be happier if we did.
When you feel like you’re enough, you feel happy with yourself and your lot in life. You’re more at ease with yourself. You still want to get out of bed and do stuff, but that desperate energy to get more and be more doesn’t surge through your body.
There’s no need to wait until you get a great job, reach a certain number of subscribers, or earn a PhD to feel successful. Create your ‘Success list’ and start feeling successful today.
The other day, I heard someone say they use AI to make their to-do lists.
Then another person told me he uses AI to read his email and tell him what he needs to do for the day.
I thought, “Why would you do that?”
Why have we stopped using our brains and completely outsourced our thinking to AI?
In a recent Guardian piece, author Dave Eggers shared what he advises young people when it comes to using AI:
“You’re one of one. You’re unprecedented in the entire line of human history. Only you have your brain. Only you can think of what you can think of. Only you can tell a story in a particular way. Why would you cede that to a machine?”
He went on to say:
“Once you have a machine think for you and write for you, you’re cooked as a species. That’s it. That’s the worse dystopian outcome there could ever be.”
Don’t let AI fry your brain
As generative AI and tech force their way into almost every area of our lives, I’m finding that I want to use my hands more, and not in a typing-on-a-keyboard-into-ChatGPT kind of way.
I want to chop vegetables, roll out pizza dough, journal with pen and paper, cut things out with scissors and stick them down on paper, write letters to people, make mind maps, and read physical books.
These are small acts of resistance, but I believe they are vitally important to retaining our humanity and confidence. These acts signal to our brains, “You’re still in control”.
Generative AI may seem powerful, but let’s not forget the tremendous power that lies within our brains and bodies.
There is a freedom and confidence that comes from doing things yourself, whether that be with your hands, your brain, or a combination of the two.
That freedom and confidence are built through sustained practice and being able to push through discomfort. But research shows these things can be eroded very quickly by routine use and overuse of AI.
Am I just a grumpy old luddite?
It’s easy to label those of us who are actively resisting using AI as old-fashioned, luddites or not keeping up with the times. But doing so overlooks some serious issues associated with AI.
When I first discovered ChatGPT, like most people, I was amazed. It had this mystical quality that pulled me in. But as I started to learn more about generative AI (specifically ChatGPT), the magic started to crumble away. I discovered generative AI had a dark side similar to social media. As investigative journalist Karen Hao writes in her brilliant book Empire of AI:
“…in the same way we once thought Facebook was merely a place for posting vacation pictures and connecting with long lost elementary school friends, or for sparking positive and transformative social movements, there is more to the sleek, entrancing exterior than meets the eye. Under the hood, generative AI models are monstrosities, built from consuming previously unfathomable amounts of data, labor, computing power, and natural resources.”
As I started to see red flags around the environmental and exploitative human impacts of AI (e.g., the data annotators in Kenya who train AI are paid less than $2 a day), I also became alarmed by the ways ChatGPT affected my confidence. These red flags were impossible to ignore.
I distinctly remember this one experience where I used ChatGPT to draft a question to ask at a public meeting. Almost immediately after asking the question, I regretted it. I felt like a kid who had cheated on a test. I felt bad that I had outsourced my thinking to a machine.
Since then, I’ve heard several people say, “Using AI isn’t cheating! Don’t feel bad!” but I think we need to be honest with ourselves. We need to look beyond the AI marketing spin and take a good look at what the research literature says.
A recent study involving 1,923 adult participants found that people who were overly reliant on AI experienced decreased confidence in their cognitive abilities and reported feeling less ownership of the ideas. However, people more likely to challenge or reject AI’s suggestions reported greater confidence in their thinking and a greater sense of ownership of their ideas.
Keep in mind that this study was conducted with adults, not students. Students are still developing their cognitive skills and therefore are not in a position to easily challenge or reject AI’s suggestions.
Whilst I believe we are all vulnerable to becoming dependent on AI and using it to avoid thinking, young people are especially vulnerable. AI conditions us to expect immediate answers, which is problematic in a learning environment where we often have to sit with discomfort and work through challenges.
In fact, another recent study found that people who relied on AI were less likely to persist with a task than those who did not rely on AI. What was most alarming was that it only took 10 minutes of using AI to induce these negative effects.
This should set off alarm bells for all of us. Why? Because persistence is a key part of learning and skill acquisition. It’s also one of the strongest predictors of long-term learning.
Until we have guardrails in place, it’s best to challenge ourselves to use our brains without AI assistance as much as possible.
Yes, using your brain can feel scary and uncomfortable. But in my experience, it’s also incredibly satisfying (like lifting heavy weights or running up a steep hill).
I was reminded of this recently when I had to get up and speak at a public meeting. Due to having very little notice about this meeting (only 5 minutes), I had no time to scribble out ideas on what I was going to say. There was no time to practice and deliver a polished presentation. All I could do was get up and speak off the cuff about this issue I care deeply about.
And you know what? I surprised myself. I delivered a solid presentation.
I felt proud that I could rely on my brain to pull together a coherent speech on the spot. No notes. No ChatGPT. It was just me and my brain.
This experience gave me a natural high that lasted for several days!
For me, the AI-reliant experience leaves me feeling degraded as a human and doubting myself. The other experience (relying on my unique brain) leaves me feeling fully alive and powerful.
To sum up
When you use AI, even for just 10 minutes at a time, you need to be aware that it can change you (and not necessarily for the better). Every task that is outsourced to AI makes you less likely to persist with solving a problem. And unless you’re actively challenging the glitchy AI slop, you’re also crippling your confidence and cognition.
Our tech overlords want to create a friction-free experience where we don’t have to think at all, but they’ve overlooked one key thing about life and learning: it’s a struggle. But that’s how we grow and become stronger.
Be brave. Refuse to take the path of least resistance. Embrace the struggle. Use your brain as much as you can. Remember Dave Eggers’ words of wisdom, “You’re one of one. You’re unprecedented in the entire line of human history. Only you have your brain”. So, use it.
The other day, I watched a video of how crab sticks are made.
When you see how a crab stick is made, trust me, you’ll never want to eat one ever again (you can watch the horrifying video here).
Spoiler alert: There’s no actual crab meat in a crab stick.
Like many people of my generation, I grew up eating all sorts of ultra-processed foods. I developed a taste for chemical additives.
I remember always feeling hungry. I could never stop at just one chip, one biscuit, or one bowl of sugary cereal. I constantly craved more. I thought the reason I couldn’t stop at one chip was that I lacked willpower.
But it turns out that wasn’t the problem.
No one has a willpower problem when it comes to ultra-processed foods. As gastroenterologist Dr Trisha Pastricia explains in her book You’ve Been Pooping All Wrong:
“[ultra-processed foods] have been engineered to overcome our body’s normal signalling processes telling us we’re full, providing quick glucose spikes and driving us to eat more.”
So please, don’t blame yourself for eating that whole packet of chips. Blame the ultra-processed food industry!
In this blog, I look at the science behind why ultra-processed foods are so harmful to our health and what we can do to minimise their consumption.
It’s not my intention to overwhelm or scare you. My intention is to increase your awareness so you can make more informed decisions about what you eat.
We’ve been manipulated by the ultra-processed food industry
Many of us trust food manufacturers and the government to act in our best interests. But researchers who study the harms associated with ultra-processed foods will tell you this is completely naïve thinking.
I recently discovered The Lancet Series on Ultra-Processed Foods and Human Health. If you’re not familiar with The Lancet, it’s one of the top medical journals.
The series also examines the strategies used by big food corporations to completely transform our food system, maximising profits at the expense of public health.
To launch this Lancet Series, an event was held (and streamed online) where the researchers presented their key findings.
I watched this movie-length event online (you can watch it here). By the end, I felt angry by the conduct of the ultra-processed food industry, but inspired by these courageous researchers who were taking them on!
I believe this is among the most important work on food this decade. I encourage you to take the time to watch this launch event that unpacks the research. Here are six things I learnt from this Lancet Series on ultra-processed foods:
1. Ultra-processed food corporations are like Big Tobacco
Both industries are dominated by powerful corporations whose profits depend on driving overconsumption.
The ultra-processed food industry uses strategies straight from the Tobacco playbook. They employ sophisticated marketing strategies to build lifelong customers, fund studies to create doubt and confusion, and engineer their products to have us reaching for more.
2. Ultra-processed food products are more than just fast food
Ultra-processed food products are attractive products made with cheap ingredients and additives to maximise industry profits.
They contain things you wouldn’t typically find in your kitchen, such as protein isolates, emulsifiers, artificial colours (e.g., Ammonia Caramel 150c), and flavourings (e.g., Disodium 5′-ribonucleotide 635). Think soft drinks, chips, lollies, muesli bars, and fruit-flavoured yoghurts.
When I tried to explain ultra-processed foods to a friend, she said, “But aren’t all foods processed to some extent? Pasta is processed! Cheese is processed!” Yes, that’s true. But pasta and cheese are significantly less processed compared to ultra-processed foods.
This is where the NOVA food classification system can help simplify things.
This system was developed by Brazilian epidemiologist Professor Carlos Monteiro and his team at the Center for Epidemiological Studies in Health and Nutrition. This system categorises foods into groups based on the extent and purpose of processing.
How much of your diet comes from the foods in category 1?
3. Ultra-processed foods have displaced real food
Professor Monteiro said that in the last 20 years, we’ve seen a big shift in people’s dietary patterns. The ultra-processed foods in category 4 have displaced the foods in categories 1-3.
Instead of drinking water, we crack open a can of soft drink or a juice box. Instead of having a bowl of oats for breakfast, we have a bowl of sugary cereal. Instead of pasta with a veggie bolognese sauce, we have a packet of store-bought Mac & Cheese or a frozen microwave meal for dinner.
In other words, most people are no longer cooking meals at home like our grandmas used to. They are eating ultra-processed foods that contain ingredients grandma would have baulked at.
4. Ultra-processed foods have led to an increase in chronic diseases
When proper meals that are made from healthy whole foods are replaced by ultra-processed foods, this leads to serious problems.
Studies show that the more ultra-processed foods you eat, the more fat, salt and sugar you consume, and the less fibre and protein you consume.
An overwhelming body of research shows that consumption of ultra-processed foods is associated with many chronic diseases, including Type 2 diabetes, obesity, depression, and cardiovascular diseases.
There’s also this nasty little thing called xenobiotics that ultra-processed foods contain.
Xenobiotics are toxic chemical compounds, such as BPA, emulsifiers, artificial sweeteners, and flavourings, that we are not physiologically adapted to consume.
As Professor Carlos Monteiro said:
“This is the perfect storm for chronic disease.”
5. The ultra-processed food industry has deskilled us
Not only are these food corporations harming our health and reducing our lifespan, but they have deskilled us. They have robbed us of the opportunity to develop valuable cooking skills.
As one researcher said, “Why cook when you can get takeaway?”
The message that came through loud and clear was that these companies do not care about our health. Their business model is all about maximising profits. End of story.
6. We need a real food revolution led by politicians
It shouldn’t just be up to the individual to make dietary changes. It’s clear that our current food system needs to change.
We need regulations that stop these ultra-processed food corporations from marketing their products to children. We need to tax these food products so corporations don’t make such massive profits. We need to make healthy foods (fruits and vegetables) more affordable for families, and much, much more.
But until we have strong political leadership to push for systemic change, what can we do right now for ourselves to fight back and reclaim our health?
Here are seven things you can do to take back your power:
1. Start cooking
We can start by cooking more meals at home. Every meal you cook is you taking back your power from the ultra-processed food industry. It’s you filling your body with the nutrients, phytochemicals, and fibre you need to function well.
Become someone who refuses to give their hard-earned money to these corporations that are chipping away at our health. You can do this by stepping into your kitchen and cooking a nourishing meal.
You don’t have to cook every day. To make your life easier, try batch cooking or as they say, “cook once, eat twice”. Personally, I like spending a couple of hours on a Sunday prepping some meals for the week ahead.
2. Don’t know how to cook? It’s time to learn
It’s never too late to learn how to cook. I didn’t learn how to cook until I was in my thirties. When I finally picked up some basic cooking skills, it was an absolute game-changer.
If you’re new to the world of home cooking, never fear. I recommend starting with some basic kids’ cookbooks (find healthy ones), an online cooking course on a platform like Rouxbe, or online videos of other people cooking (e.g., Jenny Can Cook).
The thing about cooking is it’s a skill. It’s something you need to practice. With time, you’ll get better. Before you know it, you’ll see yourself as someone who takes pride in cooking and fueling up on nourishing meals.
3. Download and start using Yuka
Yuka is a free app that informs and empowers people to make better food choices. Here’s how it works:
When you’re at the shops, you use the app to scan the barcode of the food product. It will rate the food item based on nutritional quality, the presence of additives, and the exposure to pesticides.
It is 100 per cent independent, which means it doesn’t take money from the ultra-processed food industry or any food brands for that matter.
4. Invest in basic cooking tools
Cooking requires some basic equipment, and it’s worth the investment. You’ll get that money back plus more life energy and better health.
So, what do you need to get cooking?
As a bare minimum, you’ll need a good chopping knife, a chopping board, a pot, a wooden spoon, a tea towel, some measuring spoons and cups, mixing bowls, and a stove.
If you don’t have access to a stove, consider investing in an Instant Pot (see point 5).
5. Invest in an Instant Pot
I own my fair share of kitchen appliances, but if I had to pick my favourite it would be my Instant Pot. An Instant Pot is an electric pressure cooker that allows you to get a healthy dinner on the table quickly.
In my Instant Pot, I have made delicious pasta dishes, fried rice, soups, and curries. Once you get the hang of using it, you’ll be whipping up dinner faster than it takes to order takeaway and have it delivered to your door. Best of all, an Instant Pot won’t break the bank (I got my 8L Instant Pot on sale for $200).
6. Embrace the Brazilian food guidelines
In the Lancet series, the researchers said we need to shift from a focus on reducing fat, salt, and sugar in our meals to reducing our overall consumption of ultra-processed foods. This is what the Brazilian food guidelines set out to achieve.
The Brazilian food guidelines encourage people to eat whole foods that are minimally processed and to enjoy sitting down and sharing meals with others.
Instead of focusing on individual nutrients, the Brazilian food guidelines are a joyous celebration of food. For example, here are some of my favourite recommendations from the Brazilian food guidelines:
- Make unprocessed or minimally processed foods the basis of your diet
- Avoid ultra-processed products
- Eat regularly and carefully in appropriate environments and, whenever possible, in company
- Shop in places that offer a variety of natural or minimally processed foods
- Develop, exercise and share cooking skills
- Plan your time to make food and eating an important part of your life
- Be wary of food advertising and marketing
7. Have healthy snacks ready to go
Psychologist Dr Ashley Gearhardt asks us to consider what small steps we can take to remove the most harmful ultra-processed foods from our diets.
One easy place to start is with snacks.
She encourages us to think about having easy to prepare snacks, such as fruit and nuts, that we can have nearby in case we get hungry. She says you never want to be in a position where you feel like you’re starving and the only thing available are ultra-processed foods.
So doctor’s orders: stock up on healthy snacks!
To sum up
The researchers involved in this Lancet series made it clear: it’s not about never eating ultra-processed foods. The goal is to reduce your intake of these harmful food products and boost your intake of real foods. This is how you take better care of yourself.
What I’ve found is that once you start replacing ultra-processed foods with real foods, you kick-start a self-reinforcing feedback loop. Your brain and body begin to feel fantastic.
Every real meal you eat helps you be more clear-headed, which in turn helps you make better food choices. Before you know it, instead of craving chips and soft drinks, you’ll develop a taste for real food rather than chemically enhanced food products.
This is how we can change our lives and the way we feel. One bite at a time.