We are sold this idea that, if you want to go places in life, goal-setting is absolutely essential.
For many years, I enthusiastically attended workshops with other goal-setting enthusiasts, where I wrote long (and overwhelming) lists of goals.
But towards the end of last year, instead of feeling delight at the idea of setting goals, I felt dread.
When I thought about setting goals, there was a little voice in my head that screamed, “Please don’t make me do this!”
So I stopped, and I listened to that little voice.
I’ve learnt that just as you shouldn’t force yourself to wear tight shoes, it’s not always helpful to force yourself to do certain things.
Sometimes you need to try a different approach, which is exactly what I’m doing this year.
I’ve decided to shift my focus from setting goals to running tiny experiments.
It’s a subtle mental shift that takes me from feeling fixed and rigid to curious and playful.
If you’ve ever created a list of goals or New Year’s resolutions, only to abandon them shortly after (and felt demoralised), tiny experiments may be for you.
In this blog, I’ll share what tiny experiments are and how you can use them to have more fun and experience more growth and learning.
In her excellent book Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World, neuroscientist Dr Anne-Laure Le Cunff argues that traditional goal-setting approaches no longer work in these uncertain times. She states:
“The linear way is wildly out of sync with the lives we live today. The challenges we’re facing and the dreams we’re pursuing are increasingly hard to define, measure, and pin to a set schedule. In fact, a common challenge for many people these days is feeling stuck when it comes to their next steps: instead of providing a motivating force, the idea of setting a well-defined goal is paralysing. When the future is uncertain, the neat parameters of rigid goal-setting frameworks are of little help; it feels like throwing darts without a target to aim at.”
Dr Le Cunff argues that the way we set goals is broken. Not only does traditional goal-setting encourage toxic productivity, but it can also leave us feeling dissatisfied, as if we are constantly failing. She states:
“…they [traditional goal-setting methods] create a discouraging perspective where we are far from success. Our satisfaction – the best version of ourselves – lies somewhere in the future.”
She argues a new approach is required that takes us away from “rigid linearity to fluid experimentation”.
A tiny experiment is a fun, low-stakes way to test out a new behaviour and see if it’s for you.
This may not sound revolutionary, but the power of tiny experiments lies in the mental shift they bring.
Instead of pursuing fixed and rigid goals, when you run a tiny experiment, you open yourself up to exploring new possibilities and stepping into the unknown.
In the book Tiny Experiments, Dr Le Cunff lays out a simple process for designing your own tiny experiments.
The process begins by playing a game of ‘self-anthropology’. In other words, you observe your own life and capture those observations by making field notes.
Here are some things to capture in your field notes:
For instance, yesterday I went to stock up on supplies from a small bulk foods store. I got talking to the sales assistant, who mentioned that she worked at two bulk food stores in different areas. I asked her if she noticed any major differences in the customers between the two stores. Her answer surprised me. She said:
“The customers up in the hills are less rushed. They are more willing to chat. People here seem in a hurry… a bit more fast paced.”
This five-minute conversation made me realise I don’t want to feel rushed or give the impression I’m in a hurry and have no time for a chat. I want to experience more calm in my life.
That’s the first step when it comes to designing a tiny experiment: gathering a rich source of observations.
The next step is to come up with a research question and a hypothesis (i.e. an idea you want to put to the test).
I know this part may sound serious and scary, but trust me, you don’t need to be a scientist to come up with a research question and a hypothesis to test.
There’s a magical word that can help to kick-start the process: Maybe.
Maybe if I checked my phone only at certain times in the day, I’d feel calmer?
Maybe if I put my phone away 30 minutes before going to bed, I’d sleep better?
Maybe if I exercised for 30 minutes each morning, I’d feel calmer and less stressed?
Maybe if I got up and walked on my treadmill every 30 minutes for 5 minutes, I’d have more energy?
Maybe if I rode my bike and walked more (instead of driving), I’d feel more relaxed and less busy?
These are examples of potential research questions I’ve brainstormed.
The word Maybe is incredibly powerful. When you use the word Maybe in this way, it sparks your curiosity and opens you up to exploring new possibilities.
Once you’ve come up with a question, you then turn it into a hypothesis.
Below is a figure from the book Tiny Experiments that illustrates how to turn an observation into a research question and a hypothesis.
Last year, I ran various tiny experiments, several of which focused on cultivating calm.
I had noticed that my days often felt hamster wheely, rushing from one activity to the next. I wanted to feel calmer and more grounded.
With this in mind, I designed the following tiny experiment:
After I finish delivering a presentation, I will lay flat on the couch for 15 minutes and do nothing. I’ll do this for the next 5 days.
So, for the next five days, I lay flat on the couch and did nothing for 15 minutes.
Then I’d check in with myself: How do I feel? Do I feel less stressed? More grounded? I also reflected on how I felt at the end of the day.
By doing these quick check-ins, I was collecting data on my tiny experiment.
After I’d completed this tiny experiment, I took a step back and asked myself, “How did that tiny experiment go? Was it a success? Do I want to continue doing this?”
I concluded that the experiment had been a success. I discovered that forcing myself to do nothing was a good way to regulate my nervous system and feel calmer.
But not all of my tiny experiments have been quite so successful.
Last year, I ran a tiny experiment that completely backfired.
If I had taken a traditional goal-setting approach, I would have said I had failed dismally and hung my head in shame.
But there is no failure when it comes to running tiny experiments, only growth and learning.
This tiny experiment involved selling clothing on Depop (an online fashion marketplace for buying and selling secondhand clothes).
Tiny Experiment:
I will put up one item of clothing on Depop every day for the next 30 days.
My hope was to earn some extra cash, declutter my wardrobe and extend the life of some of the clothes I no longer wear.
But as I ran this tiny experiment, it became clear it wasn’t working: I was buying more clothes than I was selling!
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it was Winter time, and I became obsessed with cashmere jumpers (I loved the warmth and soft feel against my skin).
After listing an item for sale, I found myself scrolling through Depop, searching for more cashmere jumpers to buy. I would enter a trance-like state, as if I was using a poker machine.
If I had been selling more items, maybe I could have justified this behaviour, but I was selling very few items. Once postage and fees were factored in, I was earning only $1–$2 per item!
It wasn’t until I bought and put on a jumper that had clearly shrunk in the wash, revealing my belly button in all its glory, that I quickly came to my senses and said, “Enough!”
It was time to get off the consumer treadmill!
I quickly aborted this tiny experiment and deleted my Depop account.
You could say this tiny experiment was a flop. But I didn’t beat myself up about it. As I mentioned earlier, there is no failure when it comes to tiny experiments (only growth and learning), and I had learnt something valuable from this experience.
What did I learn?
I learnt that selling clothes online was a trap for me. It exposed me to all these other beautiful items that were really hard to resist.
I also discovered that taking photos of my clothing items made me appreciate each piece a little more. In the end, I decided to hold on to and wear several items I had taken for granted.
I also learnt that it was okay for me to quit the experiment and try something else. There was no shame in quitting. In fact, quitting was the right thing for me to do.
You always have options when it comes to your tiny experiments. You get to be flexible because nothing is set in stone.
When you are new to tiny experiments, it can feel daunting to design your own experiments from scratch.
I find it helpful to see examples of other people’s tiny experiments. This is why I belong to Dr Le Cunff’s Ness Labs community: a community of people excited about growth, learning, and running tiny experiments.
In this online community, people share their tiny experiments with each other.
Here is a small selection of tiny experiments people have shared with me:
As you can see, these are all small behaviours performed over short time periods. Most of them can be slotted into even the busiest of schedules. This is the power of tiny experiments.
After you’ve conducted your tiny experiment for the specified duration, you have three choices:
For example, in my experiment of doing nothing, I scaled the 15 minutes on the couch back to just 10 to see if I could still get the same benefits. To my delight, 10 minutes seemed to work just as well as 15 minutes.
When you run a tiny experiment, you’re constantly tweaking and refining what you do, which means you’re continuously learning and growing as a person. This helps build momentum and a feeling of success.
At the end of the day, tiny experiments are a fun, low-stakes way to improve your life. With your sights no longer fixated on some far-off destination, you have the freedom to experiment and see what works best for you.
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This usually comes with shiny new pens, fresh notebooks and renewed hope and optimism. But I recently heard someone say:
“I can’t believe it’s already the end of January . . . so much has happened. I feel tired.”
Can you relate?
A lot has been happening in the world. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the news, let alone the tsunami of information we’re bombarded with online.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and tired (like many people are), let’s try to make life a little easier for ourselves. In this article, I share a strategy you can use to make difficult things feel easier to do. I also share how you can apply the strategy to studying challenging subjects.
I remember having a brief conversation with a year 11 student at the start of the pandemic. It went something like this . . .
Me: How are you feeling given the situation (i.e., COVID-19)?
Year 11 Student: Some of us are stressed but not because of COVID. It’s because of what our teachers have just said to us.
Me: What have your teachers been saying to you?
Year 11 Student: They keep saying this year is going to be really hard. The subjects are going to be much, much harder.
Driving home from the talk, I couldn’t stop thinking about what this student had said as well as the worried look in her eyes.
Here’s what happened . . .
I was booked to deliver a presentation to 150 year 10 students. My talk was scheduled for the last period of the school day.
In case you’re not aware, the last period of the school day is not an ideal time slot for a guest speaker. It’s usually a tough gig, as students are tired and they just want to go home.
When I arrived at the venue to set up my gear, I spotted two teachers. I approached them and introduced myself to them as the guest presenter. One of them said in an alarmed, panicky tone:
“Oh! You’re the guest speaker? I need to warn you that these students are a horrible group. They do not warm to guest speakers!”
She continued. . .
“Does your talk have a structure to it? Do you know what you’re talking about? These year 10s are a really hard group to work with!”
I felt my stress levels begin to rise, and by accident, I knocked my glass of water off the stage, and it broke. Glass shattered everywhere. Instead of helping me pick up the glass, the teacher said:
“Look! It’s a sign of things to come!”
At this point, the young IT guy arrived to help connect my laptop to the AV system. He overheard this teacher talking about what a bunch of ratbags these students were. His expression was a combination of shock and horror. He said to her:
“Why are you saying this to our guest presenter? I don’t think it’s helpful.”
The teacher reacted defensively. She blurted out, “She needs to know! It’s important we tell her!” and then she left in a hurry.
I took some deep breaths and continued setting up my stuff.
The students arrived.
I delivered the talk.
The talk went really well. Phew!
It turns out these students weren’t horrible at all. They were a normal group of students who happened to be a bit tired and over it (it didn’t help that it was a boiling hot day).
That day, I learnt an important lesson: Worrying about how difficult something might be doesn’t help. It just uses up your precious brainpower and energy, which you could have spent doing something else (i.e., something more productive).
Whenever I fixate on how hard something will be, I’m filled with fear. Imposter syndrome and self doubt kick in (“Will I be able to do this? What if I fail and it turns out to be a total flop?”). This usually leads to a bad case of avoidance and procrastination.
In the book Make It Stick, Peter Brown explains:
“A fear of failure can poison learning by creating aversions to the kinds of experimentation and risk taking that characterize striving, or by diminishing performance under pressure, as in a test setting.”
If you feel worried that you’re not going to be able to perform well in a subject, this is going to use up a big part of your working memory capacity. Instead of thinking about the content, you’ll be thinking, “Am I going to be able to do this? What if I can’t? Should I drop the subject?”.
In short, you’ll have dramatically less brainpower available for learning.
There’s a simple question I ask myself when something feels hard. And it’s this . . .
How can I make this behaviour easier to do?
Professor BJ Fogg calls this the Breakthrough Question. According to Fogg, there are three ways you can make any behaviour easier to do:
In his book Tiny Habits, Fogg explains:
“Regardless of what your aspiration is, increasing your skills, getting tools and resources, and making the behaviour tiny are what makes things easier to do. . .
Sometimes all you’ll need is the right tool to make a new habit easier to do, like using skinny floss [for flossing teeth], and other times all you have to do is scale the behaviour back to its tiniest version, such as flossing just one tooth. Think of making something easy to do as a pond with three different ways to enter the water. Whether you jump off the dock, wade in at the beach, or drop in from a rope swing, you’ll soon be swimming in the same water.”
In other words, you have options!
There are many things you can do to make studying those ‘hard’ subjects a little easier.
With that in mind, here is a short list of behaviours and ideas that will help you get a better handle on your challenging subjects:
If you can focus better, you can learn and retain more information. If you constantly check your phone, put it on silent and away from your body before you sit down to study. My phone lives in pocket number 1 of a vertical wall hangar in my dining room (well away from my workspace).
Study strategies such as active recall (e.g., flashcards) and dual coding (e.g., mind mapping) are more effective than rereading and highlighting your notes. Like any new skill, they take a little time to get used to, but they’ll save you a lot of time in the long run.
Some textbooks explain ideas better than others. The textbook on your school booklist is not the only one or necessarily the best one out there. You don’t need to feel wedded to it. Check out other study guides and resources.
A good night’s sleep allows you to focus better in class, retain more information and feel better. Make sleep your top priority. Here are some behaviours I engage in to get more and better sleep:
In the evening, I put my phone away in another room to charge (and I don’t touch it until the next day)
I don’t look at any screens at least one hour before bed
I go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time everyday
Create a system to organise your notes, past exam papers and handout sheets. Over time, you may need to tweak and refine your system, but that’s okay. I’ve been tweaking and refining my system for years.
For example, I used to store all my mind maps in an A3 flip file (in no particular order). But when things started to get out of control, I switched to cataloguing them alphabetically.
If you’re confused, don’t suffer in silence. Ask your teacher for help. That’s their job. If you feel shy asking a question in front of the class, approach your teacher after class.
Make life easier for your future self by jotting down key ideas in class. If something is confusing, make a note (you can focus on that in a study session at home). Your memory has limits, and if you don’t write it down, chances are you won’t be able to remember it.
If you feel overwhelmed by the idea of doing several hours of study each day, start with just five minutes. Five minutes of study is infinitely better than doing nothing!
Once you’ve developed the habit of sitting down and studying for 5 minutes, you can ramp it up. But start small.
When you manage to sit down and do a little study, congratulate yourself. Say to yourself, “Good job!” This positive reinforcement makes us feel good, which helps us establish a study habit.
When your teachers say, “This subject is going to be really hard”, I think they’re trying to communicate to you, “You need to sit down and study. You can no longer wing it.” They may be afraid that you’re not taking things seriously.
Instead of worrying, be in action. Pick up some flashcards and start testing yourself. Tidy your desk. File away your notes from today. You’ll feel better and do better if you focus on doing the things that make studying that subject a little bit easier.
In their minds:
Beautiful notes = effective exam preparation
But is this the most effective approach to take?
In her book An Insider’s Guide to BA [Bachelor of Arts] Rebecca Jury states:
“Would you sit your practical driver’s test without ever having practised driving a car? Preparing for an exam by only taking notes is like preparing for your restricted driver’s licence by only reading the Road Code. Bad idea.
You need to learn the theory and then practise in the medium in which you are going to be assessed.”
In short, if you want to do well in your exams then you’ll need to do practice exams.
When you do practice exams this . . .
• helps you see how well you understand the subject (it’s a reality check!)
• gives you the opportunity to do active recall (AKA retrieval practice)
• helps you to pinpoint gaps in your knowledge (which is 80% of the battle when it comes to learning)
• gives you a sense of the format and types of questions you’ll be asked
• helps you to build your confidence for the actual exam
But I understand the idea of gathering a pile of past papers and then sitting down to do them can be completely overwhelming.
So, we’re going to break this process down, step-by-step, so it’s not so scary for your brain.
You can gather past/sample exam papers in the following ways:
• Talk to your teacher: This is probably the easiest way to access exam papers. Simply ask your teacher if they have any practice exams and other resources they are willing to share with you.
• Trade exam papers with other students: Reach out to someone you know at another school who is studying the same subject and do a friendly exchange of resources (although I don’t recommend trading notes).
• Visit your State library: Most good libraries have past exam papers and study guides available for students. For instance, The State Library of Western Australia has an extensive selection of past exam papers, study guides, and Good Answer Guides (visit the WACE Study Space on Level 1).
• Government education websites: If you live in Australia, most state government departments that deal with curriculum provide past exam papers online that you can download:
Western Australian: School Curriculum and Standards Authority
Victoria: Victorian Curriculum and Assessment Authority
South Australia: South Australian Certificate of Education
Queensland: Queensland Curriculum and Assessment Authority
New South Wales: Education Standards Authority
Check in with your teacher to see what papers are most relevant. You don’t want to waste your precious time and energy doing a past paper that is based on an outdated syllabus.
• Study guides: These resources are usually created by experienced teachers who are familiar with the curriculum. You’ll want to check a few details before borrowing/purchasing a study guide:
1. What year was the study guide was published?
2. What’s the author’s background and level of experience?
3. Where are they based?
It makes a difference if the author is an experienced teacher who is familiar with your curriculum.
What if you can’t access any past papers and study guides?
Then, worst case scenario, you’ll need to make your own exam paper.
This doesn’t have to be anything fancy. All you need is a series of questions that will force you to bring the relevant information to mind.
Once you’ve gathered all your practice exam papers, do a lucky dip and pick one. Put all the other exam papers in another room (you’ll deal with them later).
Then, you need to commit to making a start on the practice exam you’ve just selected.
Here’s what you’ll need:
• A clear desk located in a place where you won’t get interrupted or distracted
• A timer
• Several good pens and anything else you’ll need to do the exam (e.g., calculator)
• A friend to share the pain with (optional)
You won’t need:
• Your books and notes
• Your phone
Here’s what you need to expect:
Expect to feel a little uncomfortable doing the practice exam. Chances are you won’t be able to answer several (or a lot) of the questions. You’ll probably feel a little awkward and clumsy, too. That’s okay. Relax. This is a normal part of the learning process.
Don’t like the idea of sitting for a full 2-3 hours to do the exam?
I get it! In fact, I wouldn’t recommend doing that.
It’s best to break it down into small chunks. You don’t want to slog it out in pain for hours on end. You’ll kill the habit before it has a chance to get established in your life.
• Set a timer for 25 minutes and make a start on some questions (without looking at your books and notes).
• Then take a 5 minute break.
• After your break, check to see how you went with the questions you just answered (take note of any weak areas).
• Take another 5 minute break.
• Dedicate some time and effort to improve on those weak areas (use effective study strategies to do this).
• In a few days time, test yourself again on those weak areas.
What you’re doing here is you’re using your the past papers as a tool to guide your study sessions.
If 25 minutes feels too hard, just select one question and do that. Doing one question is infinitely better than doing nothing!
The first exam paper can be a massive shock to your system. Chances are you’ll feel really rusty and you’ll struggle to answer many of the questions. This is normal.
It’s much better that you experience this shock now than in the actual exam. Stay strong and persevere through that first past paper!
It’s normal for your brain to feel a little fried after completing exam questions. This is why it’s super important to say to yourself things like, “Great job!” and “Keep going champion!” after you finish answering each question.
Also, give your brain regular breaks. Set a timer and go do something fun and/or pleasurable. Make a smoothie. Go for a walk. Crank up some music. When the timer goes off, get stuck into answering another exam question or make a start on studying one of your weak areas.
Once you’ve done a few past exam papers for a subject (spaced out over a couple of weeks), you’ll begin to see common themes/topics emerge. Now is a good time to take out your syllabus. Your syllabus, specifically the unit content section, tells you exactly what you need to know for the exam.
Arm yourself with a highlighter or a coloured pen and head straight to the unit content section.
Have a read through this section. If a concept is unfamiliar to you, take note. This is an area you’ll want to look at in a future study session.
Why bother doing this?
Because you’re checking that you’ve covered all your bases. You’re future proofing yourself so there are no nasty surprises in the final exam.
If you take this approach (i.e., doing past papers), you’ll do better than the student who spent all their time making beautiful sets of notes.
Yes, it can be a little painful and a bit of a shock to the system to do a practice exam. But remember, it’s better to experience the shock now than in the actual exam!
For many people, colouring in is a great way to reduce stress and calm the frenzied mind.
But as much as I love coloured pens, pencils and crayons, I’m not keen on colouring in. Instead of decreasing my stress levels, it has the opposite effect. It makes me feel uptight and on edge.
Why?
Because I associate colouring in with the serious business of winning at all costs.
I observed my older brother enter these competitions and effortlessly win free stuff: remote control cars, a soda stream, giant tins of chocolate powered drink and LEGO® kits.
I wanted to be like my big brother. So I picked up my pens and started colouring in.
From the age of five to eight, I spent countless hours colouring in. I learnt from a young age if I could focus my mind and stay within the lines, I could win a lot of free stuff, just as my brother did.
One Sunday morning when I was five years old, I coloured in a picture of Fat Cat for a Telethon colouring competition.
I channelled 100% of my brainpower into selecting the right coloured textas and carefully trying to stay inside the lines. I was intensely focused and determined to do my best to impress the judges.
I finished colouring in Fat Cat but I did not feel calm. I felt exhausted.
I received a letter in the mail. It stated I had won first place in the competition.
A full kid’s swing set complete with monkey bars and a slide.
It was like I had won the jackpot. I had pulled the lever on the poker machine and landed on three cherries. My brain was flooded with feel good chemicals.
I became hooked on entering kid’s competitions and the prizes started rolling in . . .
From the outside, it seemed like a bit of harmless fun: textas, colour and free stuff.
But I wish my parents had put their foot down and said “Enough!”. I wish they had boycotted my participation in those colouring in contests.
• Those contests were messing with my mind.
• Those contests were training me to become super competitive.
• Those contests made me connect my self worth with winning and having lots of stuff.
With this mindset, I never felt 100% satisfied. I was always chasing the next prize, the next big win . . .
But how can a 5-year-old child top a swing set complete with a slide and monkey bars?
I was on the hedonic treadmill.
I quickly adapted to my prizes and wanted more and more.
If I had known about a simple concept called the Gap and the Gain, I would have been a much happier kid.
I recently finished reading a fantastic book called The Gap and the Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence and Success by Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy.
The book focuses on two particular mindsets you can adopt:
1) A gap mindset (the GAP)
2) A gain mindset (the GAIN)
The authors define the GAP as “a toxic mindset that stops people from being happy and appreciating their lives.”.
When you’re in the GAP, you’re basically in the comparison trap. You’re comparing yourself to something or someone else or measuring yourself against some ideal.
Dr Benjamin Hardy states:
“Being in the GAP stops you from living within your own experience. It stops you from appreciating where you are. It stops you from being happy.”
In contrast, when you’re in the GAIN you’re focused on your own personal growth. You compare less and compete less and don’t care about what other people think of you. As Dr Hardy says, “you decide what success means to you, and you choose the life you’ll live.”
The concept of the Gap and the Gain was developed by Dan Sullivan who has coached entrepreneurs for many years in his Strategic Coach program.
Sullivan had noticed that despite these entrepreneurs having achieved huge financial and material success, a lot of them did not feel successful. In fact, many felt like failures. They were miserable because they were caught in the GAP.
Dr Hardy states:
“Most high performers or “successful” people never took the class on happiness. And there’s a thick narrative out there that in order to be the best performer you can be, “happiness” and “balance” cannot be part of the equation.”
The authors argue this narrative is flawed and they explore ways you can get out of the GAP and in the GAIN (i.e., shift from gap thinking to gain thinking).
The authors argue if you can make this shift you will feel lighter, more energised and more confident rather than feeling anxious, stressed and unhappy (signs of being stuck in the GAP mindset).
All of us fall into the GAP, multiple times a day.
How can you not?
We live in a super competitive culture. The education system, especially ATAR, is a perfect example of this. You’re being ranked against other students.
Student tell me, “I feel like I’m competing against my friends . . . I don’t like it”.
Of course you don’t like it! Trust that disturbing feeling you have. It’s telling you something is not quite right.
Competing against your friends really sucks. It’s can be downright damaging to your relationships, not to mention the toxic stress it adds to your life.
Rather than competing against one another, let’s support each other to do our best.
When we support each other and look out for each other, everyone wins. Everyone gets a bit closer to where they want to go.
Now, if you’re reading this and find yourself currently in the GAP, that’s okay. It’s totally normal.
But I’m going to share with you some simple ways to get out of the GAP and into the GAIN. Because when you’re in the GAIN, you feel happier and more motivated to pursue what really matters to you.
There are several ways you can get out of the GAP and into the GAIN. Here are three strategies I have been practising from the book The Gap and the Gain:
This involves looking at where you are now and comparing it to where you were before.
Why bother doing this?
Because we can easily forget what our lives used to be like. We adapt to our new normal. Dr Hardy states:
“You can forget what you previously struggled with and overcame. You can take for granted how far you’ve come, ignore your progress, and miss out on the confidence of remembering where you were.”
He adds:
“This is why it’s incredibly powerful and important to keep journals, records, or “annual reviews.” . . . you can look back and be reminded of the easily forgotten past.”
One simple practice the authors recommend is taking note of three gains at the end of the day. These gains can be external accomplishments (e.g. prizes and good grades) but also new experiences, personal growth, life lessons, new skills and relationships built.
I’ve been writing down my gains before I go to bed each night. This practice is incredibly simple but powerful!
Dr Hardy states social media is designed to put you in the GAP. It can distract you from your goals and strip you of the freedom to navigate life on your own terms.
If you can get off social media or reduce the time spent on it, this will help you get a clearer sense of who you are, who you want to be and where you want to go.
In the book Stand Out of Our Light: Freedom and Resistance in the Attention Economy, philosopher Dr James Williams says:
“There’s a big misalignment between the goals we have for ourselves and the goals social media companies have.”
As an ex-Google product strategist, Williams used to sit in product design meetings. So he knows the goals of big tech companies. He says they include things like:
• Number of clicks
• Time on site/app
• Number of pages viewed
• Number of advertisements viewed
• Number of conversions
I would be really surprised if you told me your goal was to spend a huge chunk of time scrolling through social media each day. But this is what a lot of people do.
This is why over a year ago, I made the decision to delete all my social media accounts.
Clicking delete was one of the the best things I ever did. I have a lot more clarity about who I am, what I stand for and what’s important to me. It also helped me to get out of gap style thinking.
In the book, Dr Hardy discusses Professor BJ Fogg’s work on Tiny Habits. He shares several Tiny Habit recipes to help us get out of the GAP. Here are a few examples from the book:
After I compare myself with another person, I will say to myself, “Are you in the GAP or the GAIN?”
After I feel discouraged, I will list 3 specific GAINS from the last 30 days.
After someone tells me about a setback, I will say, “What did you GAIN from this experience?”
We are all on different paths in life. We all have a different set of circumstances and access to certain resources. It’s time to focus our minds on doing the best we can.
Start to notice when you fall into the GAP, when you’re distracted by the goals of social media and what other people are doing. Take it from me, getting out of the GAP and thinking in terms of your gains is a much more rewarding and satisfying way to live.
