For many people, colouring in is a great way to reduce stress and calm the frenzied mind.
But as much as I love coloured pens, pencils and crayons, I’m not keen on colouring in. Instead of decreasing my stress levels, it has the opposite effect. It makes me feel uptight and on edge.
Why?
Because I associate colouring in with the serious business of winning at all costs.
I observed my older brother enter these competitions and effortlessly win free stuff: remote control cars, a soda stream, giant tins of chocolate powered drink and LEGO® kits.
I wanted to be like my big brother. So I picked up my pens and started colouring in.
From the age of five to eight, I spent countless hours colouring in. I learnt from a young age if I could focus my mind and stay within the lines, I could win a lot of free stuff, just as my brother did.
One Sunday morning when I was five years old, I coloured in a picture of Fat Cat for a Telethon colouring competition.
I channelled 100% of my brainpower into selecting the right coloured textas and carefully trying to stay inside the lines. I was intensely focused and determined to do my best to impress the judges.
I finished colouring in Fat Cat but I did not feel calm. I felt exhausted.
I received a letter in the mail. It stated I had won first place in the competition.
A full kid’s swing set complete with monkey bars and a slide.
It was like I had won the jackpot. I had pulled the lever on the poker machine and landed on three cherries. My brain was flooded with feel good chemicals.
I became hooked on entering kid’s competitions and the prizes started rolling in . . .
From the outside, it seemed like a bit of harmless fun: textas, colour and free stuff.
But I wish my parents had put their foot down and said “Enough!”. I wish they had boycotted my participation in those colouring in contests.
• Those contests were messing with my mind.
• Those contests were training me to become super competitive.
• Those contests made me connect my self worth with winning and having lots of stuff.
With this mindset, I never felt 100% satisfied. I was always chasing the next prize, the next big win . . .
But how can a 5-year-old child top a swing set complete with a slide and monkey bars?
I was on the hedonic treadmill.
I quickly adapted to my prizes and wanted more and more.
If I had known about a simple concept called the Gap and the Gain, I would have been a much happier kid.
I recently finished reading a fantastic book called The Gap and the Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence and Success by Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy.
The book focuses on two particular mindsets you can adopt:
1) A gap mindset (the GAP)
2) A gain mindset (the GAIN)
The authors define the GAP as “a toxic mindset that stops people from being happy and appreciating their lives.”.
When you’re in the GAP, you’re basically in the comparison trap. You’re comparing yourself to something or someone else or measuring yourself against some ideal.
Dr Benjamin Hardy states:
“Being in the GAP stops you from living within your own experience. It stops you from appreciating where you are. It stops you from being happy.”
In contrast, when you’re in the GAIN you’re focused on your own personal growth. You compare less and compete less and don’t care about what other people think of you. As Dr Hardy says, “you decide what success means to you, and you choose the life you’ll live.”
The concept of the Gap and the Gain was developed by Dan Sullivan who has coached entrepreneurs for many years in his Strategic Coach program.
Sullivan had noticed that despite these entrepreneurs having achieved huge financial and material success, a lot of them did not feel successful. In fact, many felt like failures. They were miserable because they were caught in the GAP.
Dr Hardy states:
“Most high performers or “successful” people never took the class on happiness. And there’s a thick narrative out there that in order to be the best performer you can be, “happiness” and “balance” cannot be part of the equation.”
The authors argue this narrative is flawed and they explore ways you can get out of the GAP and in the GAIN (i.e., shift from gap thinking to gain thinking).
The authors argue if you can make this shift you will feel lighter, more energised and more confident rather than feeling anxious, stressed and unhappy (signs of being stuck in the GAP mindset).
All of us fall into the GAP, multiple times a day.
How can you not?
We live in a super competitive culture. The education system, especially ATAR, is a perfect example of this. You’re being ranked against other students.
Student tell me, “I feel like I’m competing against my friends . . . I don’t like it”.
Of course you don’t like it! Trust that disturbing feeling you have. It’s telling you something is not quite right.
Competing against your friends really sucks. It’s can be downright damaging to your relationships, not to mention the toxic stress it adds to your life.
Rather than competing against one another, let’s support each other to do our best.
When we support each other and look out for each other, everyone wins. Everyone gets a bit closer to where they want to go.
Now, if you’re reading this and find yourself currently in the GAP, that’s okay. It’s totally normal.
But I’m going to share with you some simple ways to get out of the GAP and into the GAIN. Because when you’re in the GAIN, you feel happier and more motivated to pursue what really matters to you.
There are several ways you can get out of the GAP and into the GAIN. Here are three strategies I have been practising from the book The Gap and the Gain:
This involves looking at where you are now and comparing it to where you were before.
Why bother doing this?
Because we can easily forget what our lives used to be like. We adapt to our new normal. Dr Hardy states:
“You can forget what you previously struggled with and overcame. You can take for granted how far you’ve come, ignore your progress, and miss out on the confidence of remembering where you were.”
He adds:
“This is why it’s incredibly powerful and important to keep journals, records, or “annual reviews.” . . . you can look back and be reminded of the easily forgotten past.”
One simple practice the authors recommend is taking note of three gains at the end of the day. These gains can be external accomplishments (e.g. prizes and good grades) but also new experiences, personal growth, life lessons, new skills and relationships built.
I’ve been writing down my gains before I go to bed each night. This practice is incredibly simple but powerful!
Dr Hardy states social media is designed to put you in the GAP. It can distract you from your goals and strip you of the freedom to navigate life on your own terms.
If you can get off social media or reduce the time spent on it, this will help you get a clearer sense of who you are, who you want to be and where you want to go.
In the book Stand Out of Our Light: Freedom and Resistance in the Attention Economy, philosopher Dr James Williams says:
“There’s a big misalignment between the goals we have for ourselves and the goals social media companies have.”
As an ex-Google product strategist, Williams used to sit in product design meetings. So he knows the goals of big tech companies. He says they include things like:
• Number of clicks
• Time on site/app
• Number of pages viewed
• Number of advertisements viewed
• Number of conversions
I would be really surprised if you told me your goal was to spend a huge chunk of time scrolling through social media each day. But this is what a lot of people do.
This is why over a year ago, I made the decision to delete all my social media accounts.
Clicking delete was one of the the best things I ever did. I have a lot more clarity about who I am, what I stand for and what’s important to me. It also helped me to get out of gap style thinking.
In the book, Dr Hardy discusses Professor BJ Fogg’s work on Tiny Habits. He shares several Tiny Habit recipes to help us get out of the GAP. Here are a few examples from the book:
After I compare myself with another person, I will say to myself, “Are you in the GAP or the GAIN?”
After I feel discouraged, I will list 3 specific GAINS from the last 30 days.
After someone tells me about a setback, I will say, “What did you GAIN from this experience?”
We are all on different paths in life. We all have a different set of circumstances and access to certain resources. It’s time to focus our minds on doing the best we can.
Start to notice when you fall into the GAP, when you’re distracted by the goals of social media and what other people are doing. Take it from me, getting out of the GAP and thinking in terms of your gains is a much more rewarding and satisfying way to live.
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We are sold this idea that, if you want to go places in life, goal-setting is absolutely essential.
For many years, I enthusiastically attended workshops with other goal-setting enthusiasts, where I wrote long (and overwhelming) lists of goals.
But towards the end of last year, instead of feeling delight at the idea of setting goals, I felt dread.
When I thought about setting goals, there was a little voice in my head that screamed, “Please don’t make me do this!”
So I stopped, and I listened to that little voice.
I’ve learnt that just as you shouldn’t force yourself to wear tight shoes, it’s not always helpful to force yourself to do certain things.
Sometimes you need to try a different approach, which is exactly what I’m doing this year.
I’ve decided to shift my focus from setting goals to running tiny experiments.
It’s a subtle mental shift that takes me from feeling fixed and rigid to curious and playful.
If you’ve ever created a list of goals or New Year’s resolutions, only to abandon them shortly after (and felt demoralised), tiny experiments may be for you.
In this blog, I’ll share what tiny experiments are and how you can use them to have more fun and experience more growth and learning.
In her excellent book Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World, neuroscientist Dr Anne-Laure Le Cunff argues that traditional goal-setting approaches no longer work in these uncertain times. She states:
“The linear way is wildly out of sync with the lives we live today. The challenges we’re facing and the dreams we’re pursuing are increasingly hard to define, measure, and pin to a set schedule. In fact, a common challenge for many people these days is feeling stuck when it comes to their next steps: instead of providing a motivating force, the idea of setting a well-defined goal is paralysing. When the future is uncertain, the neat parameters of rigid goal-setting frameworks are of little help; it feels like throwing darts without a target to aim at.”
Dr Le Cunff argues that the way we set goals is broken. Not only does traditional goal-setting encourage toxic productivity, but it can also leave us feeling dissatisfied, as if we are constantly failing. She states:
“…they [traditional goal-setting methods] create a discouraging perspective where we are far from success. Our satisfaction – the best version of ourselves – lies somewhere in the future.”
She argues a new approach is required that takes us away from “rigid linearity to fluid experimentation”.
A tiny experiment is a fun, low-stakes way to test out a new behaviour and see if it’s for you.
This may not sound revolutionary, but the power of tiny experiments lies in the mental shift they bring.
Instead of pursuing fixed and rigid goals, when you run a tiny experiment, you open yourself up to exploring new possibilities and stepping into the unknown.
In the book Tiny Experiments, Dr Le Cunff lays out a simple process for designing your own tiny experiments.
The process begins by playing a game of ‘self-anthropology’. In other words, you observe your own life and capture those observations by making field notes.
Here are some things to capture in your field notes:
For instance, yesterday I went to stock up on supplies from a small bulk foods store. I got talking to the sales assistant, who mentioned that she worked at two bulk food stores in different areas. I asked her if she noticed any major differences in the customers between the two stores. Her answer surprised me. She said:
“The customers up in the hills are less rushed. They are more willing to chat. People here seem in a hurry… a bit more fast paced.”
This five-minute conversation made me realise I don’t want to feel rushed or give the impression I’m in a hurry and have no time for a chat. I want to experience more calm in my life.
That’s the first step when it comes to designing a tiny experiment: gathering a rich source of observations.
The next step is to come up with a research question and a hypothesis (i.e. an idea you want to put to the test).
I know this part may sound serious and scary, but trust me, you don’t need to be a scientist to come up with a research question and a hypothesis to test.
There’s a magical word that can help to kick-start the process: Maybe.
Maybe if I checked my phone only at certain times in the day, I’d feel calmer?
Maybe if I put my phone away 30 minutes before going to bed, I’d sleep better?
Maybe if I exercised for 30 minutes each morning, I’d feel calmer and less stressed?
Maybe if I got up and walked on my treadmill every 30 minutes for 5 minutes, I’d have more energy?
Maybe if I rode my bike and walked more (instead of driving), I’d feel more relaxed and less busy?
These are examples of potential research questions I’ve brainstormed.
The word Maybe is incredibly powerful. When you use the word Maybe in this way, it sparks your curiosity and opens you up to exploring new possibilities.
Once you’ve come up with a question, you then turn it into a hypothesis.
Below is a figure from the book Tiny Experiments that illustrates how to turn an observation into a research question and a hypothesis.
Last year, I ran various tiny experiments, several of which focused on cultivating calm.
I had noticed that my days often felt hamster wheely, rushing from one activity to the next. I wanted to feel calmer and more grounded.
With this in mind, I designed the following tiny experiment:
After I finish delivering a presentation, I will lay flat on the couch for 15 minutes and do nothing. I’ll do this for the next 5 days.
So, for the next five days, I conducted my lying flat tiny experiment.
After lying flat for 15 minutes, I’d check in with myself: How do I feel? Do I feel less stressed? More grounded? I also reflected on how I felt at the end of the day.
By doing these quick check-ins, I was collecting data on my tiny experiment.
After I’d completed this tiny experiment, I took a step back and asked myself, “How did that tiny experiment go? Was it a success? Do I want to continue doing this?”
I concluded that the experiment had been a success. I discovered that forcing myself to do nothing was a good way to regulate my nervous system and feel calmer.
But not all of my tiny experiments have been quite so successful.
Last year, I ran a tiny experiment that completely backfired.
If I had taken a traditional goal-setting approach, I would have said I had failed dismally and hung my head in shame.
But there is no failure when it comes to running tiny experiments, only growth and learning.
This tiny experiment involved selling clothing on Depop (an online fashion marketplace for buying and selling secondhand clothes).
Tiny Experiment:
I will put up one item of clothing on Depop every day for the next 30 days.
My hope was to earn some extra cash, declutter my wardrobe and extend the life of some of the clothes I no longer wear.
But as I ran this tiny experiment, it became clear it wasn’t working: I was buying more clothes than I was selling!
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it was Winter time, and I became obsessed with cashmere jumpers (I loved the warmth and soft feel against my skin).
After listing an item for sale, I found myself scrolling through Depop, searching for more cashmere jumpers to buy. I would enter a trance-like state, as if I was using a poker machine.
If I had been selling more items, maybe I could have justified this behaviour, but I was selling very few items. Once postage and fees were factored in, I was earning only $1–$2 per item!
It wasn’t until I bought and put on a jumper that had clearly shrunk in the wash, revealing my belly button in all its glory, that I quickly came to my senses and said, “Enough!”
It was time to get off the consumer treadmill!
I quickly aborted this tiny experiment and deleted my Depop account.
You could say this tiny experiment was a flop. But I didn’t beat myself up about it. As I mentioned earlier, there is no failure when it comes to tiny experiments (only growth and learning), and I had learnt something valuable from this experience.
What did I learn?
I learnt that selling clothes online was a trap for me. It exposed me to all these other beautiful items that were really hard to resist.
I also discovered that taking photos of my clothing items made me appreciate each piece a little more. In the end, I decided to hold on to and wear several items I had taken for granted.
I also learnt that it was okay for me to quit the experiment and try something else. There was no shame in quitting. In fact, quitting was the right thing for me to do.
You always have options when it comes to your tiny experiments. You get to be flexible because nothing is set in stone.
When you are new to tiny experiments, it can feel daunting to design your own experiments from scratch.
I find it helpful to see examples of other people’s tiny experiments. This is why I belong to Dr Le Cunff’s Ness Labs community: a community of people excited about growth, learning, and running tiny experiments.
In this online community, people share their tiny experiments with each other.
Here is a small selection of tiny experiments people have shared with me:
As you can see, these are all small behaviours performed over short time periods. Most of them can be slotted into even the busiest of schedules. This is the power of tiny experiments.
After you’ve conducted your tiny experiment for the specified duration, you have three choices:
For example, in my experiment of doing nothing, I scaled the 15 minutes on the couch back to just 10 to see if I could still get the same benefits. To my delight, 10 minutes seemed to work just as well as 15 minutes.
When you run a tiny experiment, you’re constantly tweaking and refining what you do, which means you’re continuously learning and growing as a person. This helps build momentum and a feeling of success.
At the end of the day, tiny experiments are a fun, low-stakes way to improve your life. With your sights no longer fixated on some far-off destination, you have the freedom to experiment and see what works best for you.
This usually comes with shiny new pens, fresh notebooks and renewed hope and optimism. But I recently heard someone say:
“I can’t believe it’s already the end of January . . . so much has happened. I feel tired.”
Can you relate?
A lot has been happening in the world. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the news, let alone the tsunami of information we’re bombarded with online.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and tired (like many people are), let’s try to make life a little easier for ourselves. In this article, I share a strategy you can use to make difficult things feel easier to do. I also share how you can apply the strategy to studying challenging subjects.
I remember having a brief conversation with a year 11 student at the start of the pandemic. It went something like this . . .
Me: How are you feeling given the situation (i.e., COVID-19)?
Year 11 Student: Some of us are stressed but not because of COVID. It’s because of what our teachers have just said to us.
Me: What have your teachers been saying to you?
Year 11 Student: They keep saying this year is going to be really hard. The subjects are going to be much, much harder.
Driving home from the talk, I couldn’t stop thinking about what this student had said as well as the worried look in her eyes.
Here’s what happened . . .
I was booked to deliver a presentation to 150 year 10 students. My talk was scheduled for the last period of the school day.
In case you’re not aware, the last period of the school day is not an ideal time slot for a guest speaker. It’s usually a tough gig, as students are tired and they just want to go home.
When I arrived at the venue to set up my gear, I spotted two teachers. I approached them and introduced myself to them as the guest presenter. One of them said in an alarmed, panicky tone:
“Oh! You’re the guest speaker? I need to warn you that these students are a horrible group. They do not warm to guest speakers!”
She continued. . .
“Does your talk have a structure to it? Do you know what you’re talking about? These year 10s are a really hard group to work with!”
I felt my stress levels begin to rise, and by accident, I knocked my glass of water off the stage, and it broke. Glass shattered everywhere. Instead of helping me pick up the glass, the teacher said:
“Look! It’s a sign of things to come!”
At this point, the young IT guy arrived to help connect my laptop to the AV system. He overheard this teacher talking about what a bunch of ratbags these students were. His expression was a combination of shock and horror. He said to her:
“Why are you saying this to our guest presenter? I don’t think it’s helpful.”
The teacher reacted defensively. She blurted out, “She needs to know! It’s important we tell her!” and then she left in a hurry.
I took some deep breaths and continued setting up my stuff.
The students arrived.
I delivered the talk.
The talk went really well. Phew!
It turns out these students weren’t horrible at all. They were a normal group of students who happened to be a bit tired and over it (it didn’t help that it was a boiling hot day).
That day, I learnt an important lesson: Worrying about how difficult something might be doesn’t help. It just uses up your precious brainpower and energy, which you could have spent doing something else (i.e., something more productive).
Whenever I fixate on how hard something will be, I’m filled with fear. Imposter syndrome and self doubt kick in (“Will I be able to do this? What if I fail and it turns out to be a total flop?”). This usually leads to a bad case of avoidance and procrastination.
In the book Make It Stick, Peter Brown explains:
“A fear of failure can poison learning by creating aversions to the kinds of experimentation and risk taking that characterize striving, or by diminishing performance under pressure, as in a test setting.”
If you feel worried that you’re not going to be able to perform well in a subject, this is going to use up a big part of your working memory capacity. Instead of thinking about the content, you’ll be thinking, “Am I going to be able to do this? What if I can’t? Should I drop the subject?”.
In short, you’ll have dramatically less brainpower available for learning.
There’s a simple question I ask myself when something feels hard. And it’s this . . .
How can I make this behaviour easier to do?
Professor BJ Fogg calls this the Breakthrough Question. According to Fogg, there are three ways you can make any behaviour easier to do:
In his book Tiny Habits, Fogg explains:
“Regardless of what your aspiration is, increasing your skills, getting tools and resources, and making the behaviour tiny are what makes things easier to do. . .
Sometimes all you’ll need is the right tool to make a new habit easier to do, like using skinny floss [for flossing teeth], and other times all you have to do is scale the behaviour back to its tiniest version, such as flossing just one tooth. Think of making something easy to do as a pond with three different ways to enter the water. Whether you jump off the dock, wade in at the beach, or drop in from a rope swing, you’ll soon be swimming in the same water.”
In other words, you have options!
There are many things you can do to make studying those ‘hard’ subjects a little easier.
With that in mind, here is a short list of behaviours and ideas that will help you get a better handle on your challenging subjects:
If you can focus better, you can learn and retain more information. If you constantly check your phone, put it on silent and away from your body before you sit down to study. My phone lives in pocket number 1 of a vertical wall hangar in my dining room (well away from my workspace).
Study strategies such as active recall (e.g., flashcards) and dual coding (e.g., mind mapping) are more effective than rereading and highlighting your notes. Like any new skill, they take a little time to get used to, but they’ll save you a lot of time in the long run.
Some textbooks explain ideas better than others. The textbook on your school booklist is not the only one or necessarily the best one out there. You don’t need to feel wedded to it. Check out other study guides and resources.
A good night’s sleep allows you to focus better in class, retain more information and feel better. Make sleep your top priority. Here are some behaviours I engage in to get more and better sleep:
In the evening, I put my phone away in another room to charge (and I don’t touch it until the next day)
I don’t look at any screens at least one hour before bed
I go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time everyday
Create a system to organise your notes, past exam papers and handout sheets. Over time, you may need to tweak and refine your system, but that’s okay. I’ve been tweaking and refining my system for years.
For example, I used to store all my mind maps in an A3 flip file (in no particular order). But when things started to get out of control, I switched to cataloguing them alphabetically.
If you’re confused, don’t suffer in silence. Ask your teacher for help. That’s their job. If you feel shy asking a question in front of the class, approach your teacher after class.
Make life easier for your future self by jotting down key ideas in class. If something is confusing, make a note (you can focus on that in a study session at home). Your memory has limits, and if you don’t write it down, chances are you won’t be able to remember it.
If you feel overwhelmed by the idea of doing several hours of study each day, start with just five minutes. Five minutes of study is infinitely better than doing nothing!
Once you’ve developed the habit of sitting down and studying for 5 minutes, you can ramp it up. But start small.
When you manage to sit down and do a little study, congratulate yourself. Say to yourself, “Good job!” This positive reinforcement makes us feel good, which helps us establish a study habit.
When your teachers say, “This subject is going to be really hard”, I think they’re trying to communicate to you, “You need to sit down and study. You can no longer wing it.” They may be afraid that you’re not taking things seriously.
Instead of worrying, be in action. Pick up some flashcards and start testing yourself. Tidy your desk. File away your notes from today. You’ll feel better and do better if you focus on doing the things that make studying that subject a little bit easier.
This is what my life used to feel like.
I was always in a rush.
Always cutting it fine.
Often running late.
I was late for class.
Late for dinner at friends’ houses.
Late for meetings.
In my world, being late was the norm. It was perfectly acceptable to drag your feet and rock up an hour late to an event.
So, I had to learn the hard way.
One morning, I was running late for school. I rocked up to form room three minutes late, and I knew straight away I was in trouble.
My form room teacher said:
“Jane, go to student services to get a late note. You’ve been late too many times. It’s not good enough”.
When you were told to go to student services, this was bad news. You were being told to do the walk of shame.
I pleaded with her:
“Please, no! Come on! It was my dad’s fault. He was late in driving me to school. My dad is always running late”.
My form room teacher wasn’t buying my excuses.
To this day, I can still remember that walk to student services. I felt frustrated and stressed out of my mind.
It wasn’t fun being late all the time. I wanted to be on time and feel less rushed and more in control. But I had no idea how to break this bad habit.
One thing was clear to me: people weren’t happy when I was late. People would get annoyed. Passive aggressive vibes were always coming my way.
Fast forward 20 years: I’m no longer someone who is always running late and rushing around. I’m certainly not perfect, but I can say I’ve come a long way.
From my experience, I can tell you it’s exhausting being someone who is always running late for things. When you live like this, you add so much unnecessary stress, drama, and anxiety to your day.
Your days take on a frenetic feel as you rush from one thing to the next.
But there’s also a larger cost to society.
This is what the famous Good Samaritan study examined. It looked at how being rushed and time pressured impacted people’s behaviour and thought processes.
In this fascinating study, researchers conducted a psychological experiment with a group of theology students who were training to be church ministers. This was one of those psychological experiments where participants were deceived (they were told the researchers were studying one thing when they were studying something else). Here’s what happened . . .
The participants were told they were participating in a study on jobs for theology students and were asked to fill in some questionnaires (this was the bogus part of the experiment).
The real experiment took part in the next phase . . .
After the questionnaires were filled in, the participants were told they had to deliver a presentation in another university building, which was a short walk away. The students were instructed they would need to tell the story of the Good Samaritan (a story about a Samaritan who helps a stranger who has been robbed, beaten up by bandits and left half dead).
They were handed a map and provided instructions on how to get to the building, which involved passing through a dim, dingy, and drab alley.
Students were placed in one of three groups:
• High-hurry group
• Intermediate-hurry group
• Low-hurry group
After they were handed the map, the students in the high-hurry condition were told:
“Oh, you’re late. They were expecting you a few minutes ago. We’d better get moving. The assistant should be waiting for you, so you’d better hurry. It shouldn’t take but just a minute.”
Students in the intermediate-hurry group were told:
“The assistant is ready for you, so please go right over.”
Students in the low-hurry group were told:
“It’ll be a few minutes before they’re ready for you, but you might as well head on over. If you have to wait over there, it shouldn’t be long.”
While the participants walked to the building where they’d be delivering the Good Samaritan story, they encountered a slumped victim in the alley. This victim was a plant by the researchers.
The victim was an actor who was pretending to be someone in need of help. The actor wore shabby clothes and was slumped in the doorway with his head down and eyes closed. He wasn’t moving.
All the students encountered this actor. As the students walked past, the actor coughed twice and groaned (you couldn’t miss him!).
The participants didn’t know that their behaviour was under surveillance. The researchers observed how the students in each group responded to the actor. Did the participants help the man slumped in the doorway? And if so, how did they help?
Here’s what they found . . .
Low-hurry group: 63% offered help
Intermediate-hurry group: 45% offered help
High-hurry group: 10% offered help
The researchers concluded:
“A person not in a hurry may stop and offer help to a person in distress. A person in a hurry is likely to keep going. Ironically, he is likely to keep going even if he is hurrying to speak on the parable of the Good Samaritan, thus inadvertently confirming the point of the parable. (Indeed, on several occasions, a seminary student going to give his talk on the parable of the Good Samaritan literally stepped over the victim as he hurried on his way!).”
As an aside, after the experiment, the participants took part in a debriefing session where they were told what the research was actually about. The researchers made it clear that they were studying the social forces (i.e. the conditions) a person finds themselves in, and they were not passing judgment on the students’ behaviour.
In life, we can’t always control the conditions we find ourselves in (e.g., a workplace that imposes a ridiculous workload on staff). But some things are often within our control that we can do something about to be less rushed and time pressured.
Doing these things can help us to feel more present, have greater awareness of our surroundings, feel calmer and less stressed, and experience more control of our time.
I’m going to share with you some habits, ideas, and practices you can implement to help you in this area. I’ll start with the simplest habits before progressing to the deeper, more complex practices.
One of the best tools you can buy is a basic watch (preferably one that doesn’t have fancy features like the ability to receive calls or texts).
My advice is to wear a watch and look at it regularly.
A lot of people use their phones to check the time, but this can be a time trap (I find my phone way too distracting).
You may look at your phone to check the time but find yourself checking social media while you’re at it. Without any stopping mechanisms in place, you can get sucked in and thrown completely off course.
Tiny Habit:When I wake up in the morning, I will put on my watch.
When I get distracted, I will check my watch and schedule and ask “What do I need to be doing right now?”
The modern world is a distracting place. Even without access to your phone, it’s easy to get derailed. Along with checking your watch regularly, check your timetable/planner/to-do list. Ask the following questions:
• What do I need to be doing right now?
• Am I doing what I need to be doing?
• Is this the best use of my precious time and energy?
Tiny Habit:When I notice I am wasting time, I will look at my to-do list.
A prompt is a reminder. It’s anything that triggers you to move from one task or place to another.
When I need to be somewhere by a certain time, I set my alarm for when I need to leave the house. When I hear the alarm, I grab my bag and take off. No excuses.
You should have a rough idea of how long it takes to get to school or work. Set your alarm for when you need to leave. When you hear your alarm, get moving.
Tiny Habit:
When I hear my alarm, I will pick up my bag and go.
It’s tempting to cram in a few more tasks before you leave for work or school (e.g., sending one more text or watching one more short video). But ask yourself, “Do I have time to do this?”
The answer is most likely no.
Tiny Habit:When I feel tempted to do another task, I will ask “Do I have time to do this?”
When I was a kid, there was no Internet and no smartphones. But we had morning cartoons on the TV.
These cartoons were fun to watch and could easily capture your attention. But you still had some awareness of the time because the time was always displayed in the corner of the screen.
The major problem with most social media apps is they don’t contain clear time cues. This is a deliberate design decision. They want you to lose track of time. Thirty minutes online can feel like three minutes.
The solution is to stay offline in the mornings. If you must go online, have a strict log-off time. I recommend setting an electronic timer for a set time or using an Internet Blocker app to kick you off.
I use an Internet blocker app called Freedom. This app cost me a bit of money but there’s a free alternative called Cold Turkey.
Tiny Habit:
When I feel the urge to go on social media in the morning, I will set a timer for 5 minutes.
Are you feeling time pressured and running late because you’re trying to do way too much?
Our modern culture encourages us to do more, be more, have more, sleep less, etc. It’s not healthy or sustainable.
If this is the case for you (i.e. you’re overcommitted), I realise it may not be your fault. Maybe your boss or teachers have unrealistic expectations about what you can accomplish in a day.
All that being said, your packed schedule may also be due to your inability to say no. Perhaps you feel like you need to say yes to every opportunity that comes your way to build an impressive resume and stand out from the crowd. If so, I get it (I’ve been there).
The major problem with doing too much is it leaves you feeling exhausted. You’re not able to fully engage in the task. As you do the activity, you’re worrying about the next thing you need to do.
If you’re doing a bunch of stuff and not enjoying it, perhaps it’s time to cut back on a few activities.
When you commit to doing less stuff (but more meaningful activities that align with your values), you can do that stuff better. You can also extract a lot more joy from the process.
Tiny Habit:
When I am presented with a new opportunity, I will ask “Is this important to me? Is it something I want to be doing with my time?”
In the book Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier, Kevin Kelly states:
“You don’t need more time because you already have all the time you will ever get; you need more focus”.
If you find yourself getting distracted by social media apps and YouTube, it’s time to double down on developing your focus muscles.
You can develop your focus muscles by adopting several different habits that relate to the food you put in your mouth, incorporating regular movement and rest breaks into your day, and creating a focus-friendly environment.
This is an area I’ve been working on for a while. What I’ve noticed is when I focus my mind on one task at a time, I can get twice as much done in the time I have available. But I also find that I enjoy the process a lot more, too.
Tiny Habits:
After I stand on my office mat, I will put away three objects on my desk (removing visual clutter)
When I notice my phone is on my desk, I will pick it up and put it in another room.
After I finish doing a deep work sprint (45 minutes), I will do some gentle shoulder rolls.
These habits may sound lame and boring, but they can inject a sense of power, control, ease and even happiness into your day.
When you’re less rushed, you’re less stressed. Because you’re less stressed, the people around you are also more likely to be less stressed (calm is contagious). It also means we end up with a more helpful and thoughtful society.
In our modern world, where we find ourselves increasingly polarised and tribalised, being less rushed and time pressured is something worth striving for.
