How I took control of my life by deleting my social media accounts

Deleting social media

Do you ever feel like your brain and life is in a bit of a rut?

I was in a rut. My wheels were spinning. I didn’t feel 100%.

So as an experiment, I decided to do something a little extreme . . .

I deleted all my social media accounts.

I recently read the book 10 arguments for deleting your social media accounts right now by Jaron Lanier.

After reading this fabulous book, I realised I was in a toxic relationship with social media. It felt like Stockholm Syndrome. I could see my emotions, mind and attention were being tinkered and messed with.

As Nicholas Carr shares in his book The Shallows:

“I’ve had an uncomfortable sense that someone, or something, has been tinkering with my brain, remapping the neural circuitry, reprogramming the memory. My mind isn’t going – so far as I can tell – but it’s changing. I’m not thinking the way I used to think.”

I could relate to this. My mind was starting to feel different, too.

I had no time or desire to go on a short break by deactivating my accounts. I could see this technology was causing my brain harm. It was time to call it quits.

Do I regret deleting my accounts?

Not at all. My only regret is I didn’t delete them sooner.

Without social media in my life, here’s what I’ve experienced:

• I have more free time.
• I feel more confident.
• My focus is better.
• I’m less stressed.
• I’m happier.

But most importantly, I’ve reclaimed my brain.

My toxic relationship with social media

Due to the intermittent reinforcement social media provides, checking it can become a bad habit. What can bad habits turn into?

Addictions.

An addiction is something you enjoy doing in the short term but ultimately, it undermines your wellbeing in the long term – but you do it compulsively anyway.

For instance, do you ever find yourself mindlessly reaching for your phone when your work/study gets a bit challenging?

I’m guilty of this. We all do it.

Unlike substance addictions, social media addiction is a more respectable kind of addiction. It’s totally normalised. Lots of people spend significant amounts of time on social media and no one says, “I think you have an addiction . . . I think you need help”.

But I could see where I was heading with social media. With my addictive personality, I needed help.

To protect my psyche, two years ago I setup rules and installed technology to restrict my time on social media. Here’s what I did:

• I used an internet blocker app (Freedom) to lock myself out of social media for most of the day
• I limited my sharing (posting only one to two times per week)
• I could only access social media on my laptop (not on my phone)
• I engaged in several digital detoxes and Digital Minimalist practices

But I still used social media for about 15-30 minutes each day. It was part of my daily routine.

Whenever I was feeling bored, logging in and checking my messages provided me with a little shot of dopamine, but I was never left feeling totally satisfied.

Social media was making me feel sad.

You’ve probably noticed people tend to post the best bits of their lives on social media. The highly curated posts can make you feel like a total loser.

One woman in my community started posting pictures of her pets lazing around her mansion. I’d compare my old house to hers and I’d just feel bad.

Social media was making me sad

But it wasn’t just the upward comparisons that were making me sad . . .

There’s some really awful content on social media.

Conspiracy theories. Fake news. Racist posts. Angry and/or ignorant comments. People say things online that they’d never dare say to another person’s face. As Jaron Lanier states:

“With nothing else to seek but attention, ordinary people tend to become assholes, because the biggest assholes get the most attention.”

During COVID lockdown, I had a friend write a series of awful comments on some of my posts. Several friends asked, “Who is this person? He’s trolling you”.

It was painful and confusing because in real life, I really liked him. I always found him to be a generous and kind person. But on social media, his inner troll had been unleashed. It was running wild.

But he wasn’t the only person who was acting weird and nasty . . .

My inner troll had popped its ugly little head up, too.

I noticed that sometimes I felt annoyed and angry as I scrolled through my feed. Thoughts like these swirled through my head:

“I don’t care that your fiancé bought you an $80,000 car. Stop flaunting your wealth!”

“Why are you posting this conspiracy theory nonsense? This is dangerous. You idiot!”

“Your dinner looks so unhealthy. Where are the vegetables? You’re heading for clogged arteries and a heart attack!”

Even now I feel awful typing these thoughts out. But I can’t deny it. Social media had unleashed Judgemental Jane.

The temptation was there to write something nasty. Most of the time, I didn’t post my nasty thoughts, but a couple of times I did. I swotted people down. Thwack!

Let me make it clear, it’s not something I feel proud of. But I also know I’m not alone.

Jaron Lanier argues we all have an inner troll/ugly alien that we need to keep a close eye on. He states:

“Each of us has an inner troll. In the early days, before everyone was doing it, the air was clearer and it was easier to notice how bizarre it is when your inner troll starts talking . . .

It’s like an ugly alien inside you that you long ago forgot about. Don’t let your inner troll take control! If it happens when you’re in a particular situation, avoid that situation! It doesn’t matter if it’s an online platform, a relationship or a job. Your character is like your health, more valuable than anything you can buy. Don’t throw it away.”

He also advises:

“If, when you participate in online platforms, you notice a nasty thing inside yourself, an insecurity, a sense of low self esteem, a yearning to lash out, to swat someone down, then leave that platform. Simple.”

So that’s what I did. I left. I hit delete.

And in that moment (of hitting delete), I felt this incredible sense of relief.

Deleting social media is easy (but Facebook doesn’t make it so)

Facebook makes it quite difficult for you to leave. Thankfully, there are lots of simple videos (like this one) that show you how to exit the platform with ease. You just need the strength and resolve to do it.

Initially, I was reluctant to leave Facebook. I had a lot of photos from special events stored on the platform (e.g. my wedding day and bush walks with friends). The thought of having to go through and download each and every picture felt like a hassle. I didn’t have time to do that.

But I soon discovered that there’s an easy way to download all your data (including photos) from Facebook.

You can download every comment, every photo, every group and page you’ve ever liked all in one zip file. So before quitting, that’s what I did.

It took only 10 minute for Facebook to collate all my data into a zip file (file size: 1.22 GB).

Even if you don’t have any desire to delete social media, I highly recommend you download all the data that’s been collected on you.

Open up your data file and scroll through the thousands of comments you’ve made (yes, there will be thousands).

Here are some of my past comments:

“Awesome!!!”

“Ouch! Sending healing vibes your way!”

“Fancy pants! Looks great!”

You’ll soon realise (as I did) that a lot of your precious life energy has been wasted in useless pontificating.

Use your time wisely

It was time for me to get real. If I’m totally honest with myself, 98% of what I was doing on social media was not a good use of my time and energy.

The thing about time is it’s your most precious and valuable resource.

Harvard university researcher Dr Ashley Whillans shares in her book Time Smart:

“No matter our age, education, or income, we share the same reality: none of us knows how much time we have left. One day, time runs out and tomorrow never comes. This is one of the core discoveries I’ve made researching time and money: we don’t understand well that time is our most valuable resource, and it is finite.”

How have I been using my time since deleting social media?

Instead of engaging in mindless scrolling in the evenings, I’ve cooked healthy meals. I’ve had some great conversations with my family and friends. I’ve started doing yoga classes.

More free time for me

I feel much happier and a lot less stressed. In fact, a study by the Denmark Happiness Research Institute found that regular Facebook users who took a break from the platform were 55% less stressed. They also reported that they felt happier and had better concentration.

Have I rejected all of the internet?

Hell no!

Lanier states, “The internet itself is not the problem.”

I’m no luddite. Technology and I are still pals. But for the sake of my brain and wellbeing (and to keep my character intact), I have unfriended social media.

I still access the internet. I send emails. I share my ideas on my website and via my e-newsletter. I stay up-to-date with world events by going direct to news websites. If I want to connect with friends, I send a text or call and we organise a time to catch-up.

To sum up

Lanier’s call to action is simple. He says:

“To free yourself, to be more authentic, to be less addicted, to be less manipulated, to be less paranoid . . . for all those marvellous reasons, delete your accounts.”

Maybe deleting your accounts isn’t the right thing for you to do. That’s okay. But please, do yourself a favour and take a break from social media. Use that time to reassess your relationship to social media and think about the kind of person you want to be in the world (and the kind of life you want to live).

Deleting social media helped me get out of a rut. I’m more engaged with the world around me and the things that keep me grounded and nourished. It’s brought me a step closer to the things that I value most.

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Just in time for the holidays, I’m sharing my favourite books from this year.

As someone who loves to read, I always look for great books to add to my shelves and the growing pile of books next to my bed. Over the past year, I’ve stumbled upon some amazing books that I’m excited to share with you.

Whether you’re looking to enhance your thinking, organise your life, create new habits, or get absorbed in an inspiring story, this list has something for everyone.

Here are nine standout books from my 2024 reading list that are well worth your time.

Let me know which ones you’re excited to pick up—and don’t forget to share your recommendations with me. Let’s go!

 

1. The Extended Mind: The Power of Thinking Outside the Brain by Annie Murphy Paul

“We use our brains entirely too much – to the detriment of our ability to think intelligently. What we need to do is think outside the brain.”

There’s an old assumption that thinking happens inside the brain. But this book blows that assumption apart. Annie Murphy Paul presents compelling research that shows there are many ways we can use the world around us to improve our ability to think, learn, and unleash creative ideas.

This book changed my behaviour in several ways:

  • I started incorporating more movement into my day (using a treadmill desk and cycle desk)
  • I started spending more time out in nature (e.g., going on hikes)
  • I brought more nature into my home (more indoor plants)
  • I became obsessed with getting things out of my head and writing things down on Post-it notes and whiteboards
  • I purchased two large computer monitors for my workspace
  • I started using my hands more to gesture as I learnt about new ideas
  • I started running new webinars to teach others new ideas I was learning about

 

I’ve been able to “extend my intelligence” using my body, physical space, and relationships. If you’re curious about the science behind these behaviours, I recommend reading this book.

 

2. How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use by Randy Paterson

“Avoid all exercise”, “Maximise screen time”, and “Can’t afford it? Get it anyway”.

These are just three of the 40 behaviours and habits psychologist Dr Randy Paterson encourages us to engage in to guarantee a lifetime of misery.

This book takes advice we all need to hear, flips it, and presents it in a way that cuts through.

I was surprised by how motivating this book was. It made me want to move my body, stay off screens, and engage in self-care acts way more than your usual self-help book. It also helped that it was laugh-out-loud funny.

How to be Miserable was such a delight to read that I purchased Paterson’s other book for young adults (How to be Miserable in Your Twenties). Both books I highly recommend.

 

3. Everything in Its Place: The Power of Mise-En-Place to Organize Your Life, Work, and Mind by Dan Charnas

“A restaurant is a promise: walk in and we’ll be ready. Select anything on our menu and we’ll cook it for you quickly and well.”

Chefs can’t wing it. They need to be organised and have a plan. We can learn a lot about how to organise ourselves and manage our commitments from the culinary world.

This book outlines the philosophy and strategies of running a successful commercial kitchen and shows how to apply these ideas to navigate our lives with power and ease.

Dan Charnas discusses ideas such as slowing down to speed up, knolling, rearranging spaces to remove resistance and making first moves. As someone who loves cooking and being organised, I thoroughly enjoyed this book.

 

4. Highway to Hell: Climate Change and Australia’s Future by Joëlle Gergis

“As Australia is the third-largest exporter of fossil fuels in the world, what we do over the next handful of years really, really matters. The time for standing on the sidelines has passed.”

Joelle Gergis is a climate scientist who gave up a prestigious academic position to sound the alarm on the climate emergency. In this Quarterly Essay, she lays out the latest climate science in a clear and compelling way and shows readers what is at stake if we continue business as usual (e.g., approving new fossil fuel projects).

This essay is a heavy but essential read for all Australians who want a liveable future.

 

5. Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier by Kevin Kelly

This book is a collection of nuggets of wisdom that Kevin Kelly wrote for his adult children. This is life advice he wishes he had known earlier.

At first glance, this looks like just another standard book of uplifting quotes. But don’t be mistaken. This is no ordinary book of quotes.

Kelly could have easily written entire waffly chapters on each quote, but I’m so glad he restrained himself. Each quote is small but mighty, providing plenty of food for thought and practical advice.

Here is a small selection of Kelly’s life advice that resonated with me:

“Be frugal in all things except in your passions. Select a few interests that you gleefully splurge on. In fact, be all-round thrifty so that you can splurge on your passions.”

“The best work ethic requires a good rest ethic.”

“We tend to overestimate what we can do in a day and underestimate what we can achieve in a decade. Miraculous things can be accomplished if you give it 10 years.”

 

6. The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt

The Australian government recently passed legislation to ban social media use by teenagers. Some have cited this book as the reason for the ban. If that’s true, I can certainly see why.

Social psychologist Dr Jonathan Haidt argues that we are overprotecting our children in the real world while underprotecting them online. This has led to disastrous consequences for young people’s mental health and development.

Before reading this book, I didn’t like social media companies and the manipulative strategies they use to hijack people’s time and attention. Over the years, I had read a lot of books outlining the harms of social media. What’s unique about this book is that Haidt presents a plan for cleaning up the mess these Big Tech companies have created and ensuring children develop in a healthy way.

Haidt’s plan involves keeping children off social media for as long as possible. Whether you’re a child or an adult, I firmly believe that everyone can benefit from some time away from these platforms. As Haidt succinctly puts it:

“The Anxious Generation is a book about how to reclaim human life for human beings in all generations.”

 

7. The Wealth Money Can’t Buy: The 8 Hidden Habits to Live Your Richest Life by Robin Sharma

This book argues that we’ve been brainwashed to measure whether we are winning at life by the size of our possessions and the amount of money we have. However, according to author Robin Sharma, this definition of success is far too narrow and limiting.

Sharma expands the definition of wealth and what it means to “live abundantly and beautifully” by sharing other forms of wealth often overlooked by capitalist culture.

If we invested more time in personal growth, building connections and community, and cultivating good health, we would feel deeply alive rather than exhausted from the hedonic treadmill.

I’ll leave you with this quote that struck a chord with me (written in the chapter on Health):

“If you don’t feel good physically, mentally and spiritually, all the money, possessions and fame in the world mean nothing. Lose your wellness (which I pray you never will) and I promise you that you’ll spend the rest of your days trying to get it back.”

 

8. Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang and Max Lang

This delightful children’s book starts with Jim Panzee waking up feeling grumpy.

“The sun was too bright, the sky was too blue, and the bananas were too sweet”.

Have you ever woken up feeling a little bit off?

This book is a fun way for everyone (not just little kids) to understand human emotions. It’s okay to be grumpy! It’s okay to wake up feeling a bit off. Allow yourself to experience these emotions. In time, they shall pass.

 

9. Out of the Blue: Everything this Wiggle Journey has Taught Me by Anthony Field with Greg Truman

One of my relatives is obsessed with The Wiggles (an Australian children’s performance group). After reading Anthony Field’s memoir (the Blue Wiggle), I finally understand all the fuss. The Wiggles are amazing!

Field’s memoir takes a deep dive into how the band started, how they managed to stay true to their values and mission, and the challenges they faced along the way.

Field is honest about his difficult time in school, media blunders, and his struggles with physical and mental health issues over the years. What can I say? Out of the Blue is a refreshing, wholesome read.

“I’ve been thrilled to become the major on-stage instrumentalist playing guitar, bass, drums, mandolin, bouzouki, and anything else a curious child might want to explore musically. It turns out that the maintenance of a child-like wonder about the world isn’t so hard to retain, even after you turn 60.”

To sum up

There you have it! Nine books that shifted my perspective and changed my behaviour in some way. Now, it’s over to you – what books helped to shape your year? Are there any you’d recommend?

I’d love to hear your recommendations.

One sec app

 

Are you happy with how much time you spend on your phone?

When you feel slightly bored, do you feel a reflexive, gravitational pull to check your phone?

If you spend hours each day clicking, scrolling, and posting, I want you to know that it’s not your fault.

It’s not that your weak willed, lacking discipline, or a lazy person.

It’s none of these things.

It’s no mystery or secret why so many people waste so much time on social media. Like a poker machine, these platforms are designed to be highly addictive.

Apps like TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, SnapChat, X (formerly Twitter) and YouTube contain persuasive design features that hijack your most valuable and precious resources: your time, energy, and attention.

 

Why are these Big Tech companies in an arms race to capture and hold people’s attention?

Because the more time we spend on their apps, the more data they can extract and sell for social influence.

The business model of Big Tech companies is simple: Keep people glued to their platforms for as many hours a day as possible.

In other words, your time and attention equal massive profits for these companies.

In his excellent book The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Dr Jonathan Haidt presents data showing teens aged 13-18 spend an average of six to eight hours every day on social media apps. That’s close to 50 hours a week.

 

 

Dr Haidt notes that this is just the time spent on the app. It doesn’t factor in the time spent thinking about social media while they multitask in the real world.

So, that’s 50+ hours that could have been spent outside in nature, learning a language, working a part-time (or full-time) job, making art, cooking, exercising, getting more sleep, and hanging out with friends.

Let’s also not forget that these apps intervere with and harm our wellbeing and ability to think and learn.

The multi-tasking that takes place as we engage with these apps throughout the day drains our brainpower, weakens our memory, and makes us tense and anxious.

The social comparisons we engage in on these platforms also warps our perception of reality and leaves us feeling like we’re not enough.

So, here’s something to consider . . .

 

What if you could protect your time, energy and attention from social media companies?

It’s possible, and I’m going to show you how.

I recently discovered a simple tool that helps people stop mindlessly consuming social media and other addictive apps.

It’s an app called one sec.

one sec is a self-nudging tool that helps you to create barriers to Big Tech that align with your goals and values.

 

 

Here’s how it works:

As you open up an addictive app, one sec intervenes by creating a 10-second delay in opening the app.

one sec creates the little bit of friction needed to make you pause and reconsider your behaviour.

After the delay, one sec presents you with a choice: Do you want to proceed with opening up the target app (e.g., TikTok)? Or close the app and do something else?

The creators of one sec explain it works by utilising three intervention strategies:

  • Creating friction (i.e., the time delay)
  • Giving you the option to not proceed and close the target app
  • Deliberate messaging

 

It’s important to highlight that you’re in control of the whole experience. You specify what apps you want one sec to target. You can also modify the time delay (making it shorter or longer) and change the deliberate messaging.

The question is, does this app work?

Or is it just another gimmicky product that fails to change your behaviour in a significant way?

I’ve been experimenting with this app for the last month, and I’m pleased to say it’s working for me!

Even though I don’t have social media and the wicked algorithms that come with them, I recently noticed that I was spending far too much time in group chats.

one sec has helped me be more intentional and deliberate with how I engage with these chat groups.

Instead of mindlessly checking these apps whenever I have time to kill, I now have dedicated periods when I engage with them. I’m following Dr Faye Begeti’s advice when she recommends in her book The Phone Fix to “Set a finite number of times for checking social media, condensing a large number of short checks into defined, longer ones.”

This is what one sec has helped me to do, and as a result, my focus and well-being have improved. I feel calmer. My days feel longer and less frenetic.

But I realise I’m a sample size of one. Plus, I’m highly motivated to reduce my time on addictive apps.

Is one sec effective in helping others to reduce their social media consumption?

The short answer is yes.

This research study found the app one sec helped people to significantly decrease their social media consumption.

 

 

In this study, 280 participants used the one sec app for a six-week period. Here’s what the researchers found:

36% of the time participants attempted to open a target app, they chose to close the app using one sec (i.e., they did not proceed with using the target app).

 

 

Over time, participants also opened the target apps less.

 

 

Opening problematic apps less or choosing to close problematic apps before engaging with them is actually a really big deal. Here’s why . . .

Less engagement with these addictive apps means less hits of dopamine.

Every quick and easy hit of dopamine you get from social media leads you to crave more stimulation from these apps. Before you know it, you’re in a full blown dopamine driven feedback loop.

Whenever I’m stuck in a dopamine loop, I’m not #livingmybestlife. Far from it! I feel overstimulated, chaotic, and jittery. Here’s why . . .

In his book How to Calm Your Mind, Chris Bailey explains that the brain networks for dopamine and calm are anti-correlated.

What does this mean?

It means when the dopamine network is activated, the calm network isn’t.

Imagine every time you mindlessly reach for your phone to check social media, you’re moving further and further away from a state of calm.

This may explain why participants in the one sec study reported experiencing increased satisfaction and happiness after decreasing their consumption of problematic apps.

 

Other one sec features worth exploring

The main intervention features (i.e., the time delay and option to not proceed with the target app) will help you decrease your consumption of addictive apps.

But there are many other features available with this app.

As you explore the additional features, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. There’s a lot of extra bells and whistles. For example, there is the “Don’t get lost” notifications (i.e., scheduled reminders to close the target app when you are using it) and website blocking.

But like a lot of things in life, more features don’t necessarily result in a better user experience.

Ultimately, I decided to follow BJ Fogg’s behaviour design principle of ‘Simplicity changes behaviour’. I stuck with using just the basic features of this app.

I knew if I overcomplicated the app, I probably wouldn’t use it.

All that being said, there were two additional features I incorporated:

1. Strict Block Feature

I use the strict block feature every day. To be clear, the strict block feature is not to be confused with the basic block feature. What’s the difference?

If you select a basic block, you’re not really blocking yourself from the app. But there’s a barrier in place. If you try to open the target app, it brings up the following message:

 

“Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to stop this block?”

 

Whereas a strict block is a genuine bona fide block. You cannot use your target apps until the block is over.

If you have developed a mindless habit of reaching for your phone and checking certain apps, you need a strict block in place until your brain has had a chance to recalibrate itself.

Here is the tiny habit I created to give my brain a chance to rewire to lower hit of dopamine from my smartphone:

 

After I pick up my phone in the morning, I will open one sec and press strict block for six hours.

 

Activating a strict block means I’m in charge for the first six hours of my day (and the addictive apps are not running the show). This sets the tone for the day and puts me in proactive mode rather than chasing quick hits of dopamine. It also helps me stay calm and grounded.

 

A word of warning:

Even when you feel like you have regained control over your target apps, you must remain vigilant. It’s super easy to get drawn back into a dopamine-driven feedback loop.

 

2. The Journal Prompt Feature

The journal prompt is simple and effective. Before accessing the target apps, I am prompted to write about what I have done and what I feel grateful for.

I write 25 words before proceeding to the target app. This gives me a moment to reflect, which is always a worthwhile practice.

 

 

Free alternatives to one sec

There is a free version of one sec you can use, but it limits you to applying one sec to only one target app.

If you have multiple addictive apps on your phone (as most of us do), I recommend the paid version to unlock all the features.

It costs $25AUD for the year, which is value for money if you ask me. The app has already paid for itself in terms of the time, energy, and attention I’ve reclaimed.

I should mention that I had trouble initially installing one sec and getting it to work on the target apps. The process was a little finicky, and I nearly gave up after 20 minutes of trying to figure out how to get the app to work.

You can find similar intervention apps that are free and easier to install, such as ScreenZen. ScreenZen appears to be based on similar mechanisms (i.e., introducing a time delay and friction to the target app).

My brother recently started using ScreenZen to help combat his mindless habit of scrolling through social media. When I asked for his thoughts on this self-nudging app, he said, “It’s annoying.” But then he quickly added, “But that’s the point. It’s annoying, and that’s why you use the apps less.”

Another great feature of ScreenZen is that after spending seven minutes on the target app, it puts a stopping mechanism in place by prompting you to think about if you want to keep using the app.

 

Final thoughts

I don’t think anyone consciously sets a goal to spend 20, 30, or 50+ hours a week on social media. But if you don’t have strategies to combat the addictive apps on your phone, one thing is certain: Big Tech companies will hijack your time, energy, and attention.

As Michael Harris states in his book The End of Absence:

 

“Never forget that you live in an ecosystem designed to disrupt you, and it will take you for a ride if you let it.”

 

So, don’t be taken for a ride. You can easily access self-nudging tools, such as one sec and ScreenZen, to help you defend your time, energy, and attention.

Think of the things you’ve always wanted to do but tell yourself, “I don’t have the time. I’m too busy”. What if you could reclaim a significant chunk of time to do those things today? Would it be worth taking a chance on a self-nudging app?

You’ve got nothing to lose except potentially $25.

I encourage you to test out one of these apps to protect your most precious resources (i.e., your time, energy, and attention).

 

Note: In case you’re wondering, I have not been paid or sponsored by one sec to write this article.

Technology can work for you or it can work against you.

If I’m honest with myself, there was a time when technology was doing me more harm than good.

On Facebook, I frequently fell into the comparison trap (comparing myself to people who had posted delicious dinners, amazing holiday photos, etc).

On Twitter, I’d get baited by trolls (and I’d foolishly take the bait).

Throughout the day, I’d constantly check my phone and email, which left me feeling jittery and chaotic.

Big Tech was constantly hijacking my time, energy, and attention. Every time I retreated to my devices for a quick shot of dopamine, I moved further away from my goals. I didn’t like this, and I knew something needed to change.

Over the past three years, I’ve implemented many practices to regain control of my time, energy, and attention (including deleting all social media).

These practices have made a big difference in my life. But I’m well aware that not everyone feels the same way I do about Big Tech, nor are they in a position to be able to delete all their accounts.

My Reality Check

Following a school presentation, I spoke with a small group of year 8 students. I shared with them that I didn’t use any social media, to which a year 8 girl quickly chimed in:

“My grandma has Facebook. What’s your excuse?”

Her words struck me like a bolt of lightning. I didn’t know what to say.

It highlighted how adopting these apps is the norm for a young person.

When everyone else has a smartphone and is using social media (including your parents and grandparents), why would you question using them?

I couldn’t forget the year 8 girl’s words. While I appreciated her candidness, it left me slightly disturbed.

At the same time, it increased my motivation to resist Big Tech. I started searching for role models: people actively resisting Big tech and this hyperconnected, fast-paced way of life.

One community kept popping up in my research: the Amish.

Lessons from the Amish

The Amish are often portrayed as being technologically impaired. A classic example is Weird Al Yankovic’s music video Amish Paradise (a parody of Coolio’s mega-hit Gangsta’s Paradise).

In this video, Weird Al sings:

I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you’ll be bored to tears
We haven’t even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain’t really quaint, so please don’t point and stare
We’re just technologically impaired

There’s no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It’s as primitive as can be

While the Amish still mainly travel by horse and buggy and shun many modern technologies, such as televisions, radios, and cars, they are not ‘technologically impaired’ as Weird Al makes out.

When it comes to cultivating healthy digital habits, there is a lot we can learn from the Amish.

The Amish have a set of strategies that guide the adoption and use of different technologies. These strategies have allowed them to avoid being pawns for the goals of Big Tech companies, which make massive profits by seizing people’s attention.

I recently read a fascinating book called Virtually Amish, written by Dr Lindsay Ems. For her PhD research, Dr Ems spoke to Amish people about their relationship to modern technology (e.g., smartphones).

She argues that the Amish take control of their tech tools and thrive. Through adopting similar practices, we can thrive, too.

Below, I share how you can thrive by emulating Amish practices and beliefs around technology:

1. Become a technoselective

The Amish are not technophobes. They are ‘technoloselectives’.

They carefully consider the tech tools they’ll adopt and their functionality, tweaking them to help them achieve their goals.

The Amish don’t mindlessly purchase the latest gadgets and gizmos. Instead, they think about their values and goals and how the technology could cause unintended harm to themselves and the wider Amish community.

What are your goals?
Do your tech tools help you achieve them, or do they distract you from them?

2. Be guided by your values

The Amish are guided by their values (i.e., the things that are most important to them). Their values underpin everything they do.

So, what exactly do Amish people value?

• Community
• Connections with others
• Living a simple and slow-paced life
• Living a spiritually rich life
• Being self-sufficient

The Amish use these values to guide their adoption of technology.

An example of this can be seen with the arrival of the home telephone (not smartphone). Dr Ems shares how the Amish decided to ban the telephone from being inside the family home.

This ban came about after careful consideration and reflection on their values. The Amish value connections with family, friends, and the community. They don’t want to be the kind of person who interrupts a conversation by answering a telephone call. For this reason, telephones are located outside Amish family homes or nearby.

What are the things that are most important to you?
How does technology impact on those things?
Does it enrich those things or diminish them?

3. Understand technology isn’t neutral

The Amish understand that technology can cause harm. Subsequently, they intentionally delay adopting new technology until they see its impact on others.

Does it destroy family life? Does it wreak havoc on their ability to pay attention and distract them from their spiritual life?

If so, the technology threatens their culture and religion, and for these reasons, it should be avoided.

Before adopting a piece of technology, the Amish need to be clear about two things:

1) The functionality of the technology (what it can do)
2) The potential social impacts of the technology

Once they deeply understand these things, it is then decided whether the technology is adopted or not.

It may come as no surprise that Amish people view the smartphone as an incredibly dangerous innovation. Many Amish communities have bans on this device.

How do you feel after spending time on social media?
Have you seen things posted on social media that weren’t true or were exaggerated?

4. Put the technology on trial

When an Amish person wants to use a new technology, that technology will go through a formal decision-making process.

The community (in particular, the leaders) will consider the future with this technology. They’ll try to imagine how the technology could change their way of life.

Questions the Amish reflect on include:

• What are the advantages and disadvantages of the technology?
• What might come with it that we might not anticipate?
• Could someone get addicted to it?
• Is it a need or a want?
• Can the technology be restrained?

In her book Virtually Amish, Dr Ems provides the example of an Amish business owner asking the community leaders if he could have permission to use a label maker for his business.

After careful consideration, the leaders ruled label makers could be allowed for the following reasons:

• They are not addictive
• They can’t be used for recreational purposes (e.g., playing games or entertainment)

Think of a new technology (device or app) you want to adopt. Could it become addictive?

5. What matters is how you use it

Many Amish people believe the issue is not whether you use a smartphone or social media but how you use it. It’s important that the Amish remain in control of their use of tech and place limits on it.

It’s also important that the technology is not visible (i.e., you don’t pull your smartphone out in Church or during a conversation). Being discrete in the way one uses technology shows respect for Amish values.

How do you use the tech in your life?
Are you in control of your use?

6. Reflect on who you become when you use the technology

Amish people think about not just how they use the technology but what kind of person they become when they use it.

This point resonated with me deeply. I can’t say I’ve always liked who I become when I use certain technology.

A few years ago, I babysat my friends’ children when my friends went out for a kid-free meal. I look back and cringe when I think about how the experience unfolded.

Before going to my friend’s place to start babysitting, I got into a heated text discussion with some people in a group chat. Things were said that upset me.

For most of the night, I was on my phone, texting back and forth, not present with these young children. At one point, the little boy tugged on my arm to get my attention. “Aunty Jane, come play!” he said.

What can I say? I felt terrible. This certainly was not my finest moment. I had become the kind of caregiver I am usually quick to judge: distracted and disengaged.

I vowed to avoid trying to resolve issues by text and leave my phone at home next time to be fully present with the kids.

When you use social media, what sort of person do you become?

7. Adopt sticky tech tools

The Amish take modern tech tools and modify them to help them achieve their goals.

The plain mobile phone is an example of this. Amish people have created a mobile phone that can only make calls. It doesn’t have a camera, games, access to the Internet, or the ability to send text messages.

Similarly, the plain computer allows Amish to make spreadsheets, do word processing, and construct simple drawings. This allows them to complete tasks without being distracted by other things.

In other words, the Amish create what David Kadavy (author of Mind Management, Not Time Management) would refer to as sticky tools. A sticky tool allows you to stay focused on a task without getting distracted.

What sticky tools could you consider adopting (e.g., a basic flip phone and Internet blocker app)?

8. Create, don’t consume

The Amish take pride in growing their own food, raising barns, baking their own bread, tinkering with robotics, inventing, and making their own clothes. They are not big consumers, but they embrace a simple lifestyle and encourage human creativity.

In the modern non-Amish world, many of us are doing the polar opposite of this. We have fallen into the trap of consuming content mindlessly online (e.g., watching people bake bread instead of baking our own bread).

Don’t get me wrong—the Internet is an excellent learning tool to help us build our skills. I have turned to YouTube for many instructional videos on how to make and fix things. But doing this requires discipline because it is all too easy to get derailed by other distracting videos.

The bottom line is this: the more time we spend online, the more ads we are likely exposed to and the more our consumptive desires are stirred up. Is it any wonder so many people feel so dissatisfied with their lives?

Instead of mindlessly consuming, what can you create today?

9. Embrace inconvenience

The Amish embrace tech with inbuilt friction. In fact, inconvenience is considered a virtue.

Dr Ems shares that many Amish technologies intentionally contain ‘speed bumps’ and ‘friction’. The reason for this friction is to prevent Amish people from wasting time on the device.

I’ve found this is one of the positives associated with using a ‘basic phone’.

Last year, I experimented with using a basic flip phone with limited functionality (I could only make calls and send texts). Texting on this phone was so painfully slow that it made me want to avoid getting into long text discussions with people. It was easier to pick up the phone and call people.

Using a smartphone to text your friends may be easier than making a phone call, but as the Amish strongly believe, easier is not always better.

How can you build friction into your tech use?
Can you embrace analog alternatives to decrease your screen time?

To sum up

How much control do you have over your time, energy, and attention? As Chris Bailey writes in his book How to Calm Your Mind, “On the Internet, our intentions very quickly slip from our grasp.”

If you want to thrive online and offline, consider adopting some of the tech habits of the Amish. By limiting their tech use, the Amish have been able to remain mentally free and protect their way of life.

If more of us adopted Amish tech practices (e.g., being intentional with our tech use and placing limits on it), we’d most likely feel calmer and less anxious. We’d also spend more time engaged in activities that bring us joy and are aligned with what we value.