When my competitive instincts kick in, I feel like a desperado. It’s an old feeling from childhood where I feel like I’m constantly falling short (not good enough or smart enough).
Over the past few years, I’ve trained myself to focus on running my own race. I’ve had to learn to do things my way. As it turns out, when you live this way you feel better about yourself and less anxious too.
When I was 17 years old, I was struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with my life (“Should I be at Law school? Should I quit and get a job?”).
To keep depression at bay, I forced myself to exercise in the park every Sunday.
That’s where I met a wise woman who happened to be a family lawyer.
Over the course of a year, we became friends exercising in the park. I confided in her that I was struggling at university.
“I’m not sure if Law school is the place for me”, I said.
I also mentioned to her that I had failed my first test but I stopped short of telling her my mark (only 5%).
It must have been obvious that I was in need of a bit of a confidence boost because the following Sunday she rocked up to the park with an old record in her hand.
The track was called I’ve gotta be me.
She said “This is for you. Listen to it when you get a chance”.
Back in those days, there was no Spotify or music streaming services. In order to listen to this record, I had to go to Cash Converters (a secondhand pawn shop) and purchase a clunky stereo system with a record player.
I listened to the song hoping to have some earth shattering realisation about what to do with my life. And when it never came, I listened to it again and again. Still nothing.
“What is she trying to say to me with this song?” I cried.
Looking back, it’s so obvious what she was trying to say (“Be yourself! Follow your dreams! Don’t give up!”).
The problem was I was treating listening to this song like it was an assignment to analyse a poem or a piece of abstract art. I was overthinking it.
Looking back, it didn’t matter that I didn’t fully understand the lyrics. I was really touched by this lawyer’s kind gesture.
Law school felt like such a cold and competitive place at times. Coming from a working class family, it was easy to feel like you were invisible and didn’t belong there.
Yet here was this woman (a successful family lawyer) encouraging me to be myself and keep going. That meant a lot to me.
Two decades later as I listen to the track, I get it.
It’s powerful to live life on your own terms.
What they don’t teach you in school is it’s far more rewarding to collaborate and cooperate and forge your own path forward in life than it is to compete against others and follow the herd.
It’s also a lot more fun and energising to run your own race and focus on your own progress.
It’s possible to run your own race, even if you have shaky confidence. In fact, running your own race will help you to build rock solid confidence. So the sooner you learn to do this, the better.
Here’s how you do it . . .
Instead of competing and comparing yourself against your friends or some other poor soul in your class or workplace, start competing against yourself. Compare you to you.
A simple habit you can develop is tracking your wins each day in a notebook. I do this just before going to bed (my notebook is on my bedside table).
This simple practice helps build momentum. As Dr Benjamin Hardy says “[When you cultivate this habit] you feel like you’re always winning and making progress.”
If you write down three wins every day, by the end of the week you’ll have 21 wins down on paper. If you keep this practice up and look back over your entries, something shifts. Instead of feeling like a desperado, you’ll be feeling like a champion.
If you must have some opponent to compete against, make your opponent an electronic timer. Challenge yourself to compete against the timer.
“Can I empty this laundry basket (putting away my clothes) in under 5 minutes?”
“Can I vacuum the house in under 12 minutes?”
“How many words can I get down on the page in 25 minutes? Let’s go!”
When I’m lacking motivation, this is one way I get moving with various tasks. Timers can also help you stay focused on a task for a period of time and time your rest breaks.
Another way you can challenge yourself is with music. You can create a 25 minute or hour long playlist and use it to time your work sessions. If it’s a small task you need to complete (under 5 minutes), use an upbeat song to help you get it done.
In The Ultimate Time Management Toolkit Risa Williams recommends selecting songs with no lyrics and that don’t have any sad emotions associated with them. When it comes to your schoolwork, try to keep the music light and upbeat without being overly distracting.
The biggest mistake people can make when it comes to achieving their goals and creating new habits is to push themselves too hard.
I’ve been sitting at this computer for over an hour and I’ve ignored the last two timers that have gone off. Why? Because I’m in a flow state. When I started writing this blog, it was slow and painful. But now the ideas are flowing and I’m into it.
But I know I need to stop soon. If I don’t, I’m going to fry my brain.
As Greg McKeown says:
“You’re trying make sure that you don’t use up more mental energy than you can recuperate each day and each week. You want to be able to sustain the pace and get the job done. This is in contrast to being intermittent in your effort when you go big for a couple of days and then you can’t even work on it after that because you fried your brain, and you can’t get back to it.”
In a nutshell, think of this race you’re running as being a marathon (not a 100 metre sprint). Pace yourself.
Spending too much time on social media or following the wrong people online is the equivalent of pulling a hamstring when you’re out running your own race. It will mess with your mind and take you off course.
One of the problems with social media is it is designed to have you engage in upward comparisons. It puts you in a state of mind where you are constantly seeking approval from others.
Instead of focusing on what you need to do to move forward with your goals, you’re wasting time and energy following what others are doing. You get pulled into the outrage machine. Very quickly you can lose sight of your goals.
When you spend too much time on social media, your perception of reality also gets warped. Being exposed to envy inducing perfect pictures and posting only the best parts of our lives can make us forget that life is indeed very messy! In the book Disconnect Jordan Guiao explains:
“It is travel without the sixteen-hour flight, the fit body without the six-days a week workout regime and birthday parties without the crying babies. These approximations of reality start to become our new normal. As we edit out the messiness and ugliness of real life, we begin to forget that this messiness and ugliness exists for others too.”
Guiao recommends asking yourself whether the people you are following add value to your life. He says:
“Periodically reassess who you follow on social media and why. Is an influencer offering valuable advice and insights or just posting pretty pictures that make you feel bad about yourself? Do you think about their content when you’re offline? Does it serve you to comment on others’ posts if you are only doing it to seek their approval? What are you gaining from these interactions – and what are you losing?”
When you decide to ditch the pretty pictures and unfollow the influencers, you’ll notice a dramatic shift in how you feel about yourself and how you’re tracking in life.
If you’re like me, competing against others will leave you feeling desperate, insecure, and chaotic. So, why not start playing your own game?
Stay true to yourself. Do it your way. Set your own rules and path.
Using a timer or a song can be a simple way to get moving with a task. Reducing time spent on social media will help you to stay focused on what you truly want without getting distracted by all the noise and drama that’s playing out online.
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Unless you’re a superhero in a Marvel film, no one benefits from exposure to asbestos, lead paint, tobacco, and radioactive substances.
Toxic products are just like toxic people. It’s best to steer clear of them if you can.
If you can’t avoid them, then it’s wise to take precautions and minimise your exposure as much as possible.
Only a small child or a foolish adult would handle asbestos or a radioactive substance with their bare hands.
But I want you to consider that millions of people all around the world are constantly exposing themselves to another class of toxic products and they are unaware of it. What’s unique about these products is that the harms are invisible.
Exposure to these toxic products can result in:
I’m talking about social media platforms, such as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram.
Over the years, I’ve read extensively on the invisible harms linked with social media. As someone who was an early adopter of Facebook, I’ve seen these harms firsthand.
I was addicted to social media until I read the book Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now. I read this book in a day. The book had such a profound impact on me that I deleted all my social media accounts that evening back in November 2020.
I firmly believe now that social media is the mother of all toxic products and it’s time we started relating to it in this way.
As it turns out, I’m not alone in my thinking.
In a 2024 New York Times article, the US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy stated that warning labels should be placed on social media platforms, similar to the warnings that appear on cigarette packs. He wrote:
“It is time to require a surgeon general’s warning label on social media platforms, stating that social media is associated with significant mental health harms for adolescents. A surgeon general’s warning label, which requires congressional action, would regularly remind parents and adolescents that social media has not been proved safe.”
He also wrote:
“Adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms, and the average daily use in this age group, as of the summer of 2023, was 4.8 hours. Additionally, nearly half of adolescents say social media makes them feel worse about their bodies.”
Mental health issues are just one of many toxic by-products created by social media platforms.
The Center for Humane Technology has created a Ledger of Harms that details the hidden costs linked to social media, including a polluted information ecosystem that makes it hard for people to make sense of complex issues.
Under the heading ‘Making sense of the world: Misinformation, conspiracy theories, and fake news’, it states:
“A broken information ecology undermines our ability to understand and act on complex global challenges from climate change to COVID-19.”
This is why I believe social media is the mother of all toxic products. By fragmenting our attention and impairing our ability to understand complex issues, it becomes increasingly difficult to solve the massive challenges of our time.
We’ve placed too much trust in social media platforms without fully understanding how they work and what these apps are doing to our brains, relationships, and society.
Even if you understand the hidden harms, you may think that they don’t apply to you. That somehow you are immune to the risks.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard my friends make comments like:
There’s a reason why many parents working at big tech firms like Facebook and Instagram don’t let their children use the apps they work on.
It’s because they know these platforms cause harm.
For too long, we have naively trusted social media to be on our side. We believe what we see in our feed is a reflection of society. But it’s not.
Your feed is curated by the algorithm to keep you clicking, scrolling, and posting for as long as possible. This is why it feeds you outrageous content. Outrageous content hijacks your amygdala (the fear centre of your brain) and captures your attention.
The more data these companies can extract from you, the more profit they make. That’s the business model of Big Tech.
Put simply, Big Tech does not care about your wellbeing. It doesn’t care about supporting you with your goals or presenting you with accurate information that will help you make sense of the world.
As Philosopher James Williams writes in his book Stand Out of Our Light:
“There’s a deep misalignment between the goals we have for ourselves and the goals our technologies have for us.”
It’s time we said enough is enough to these Silicon Valley tech bros and their relentless pursuit of amassing more and more wealth through their addictive platforms at the expense of our collective wellbeing.
It’s painfully clear that a small handful of tech companies are hurting millions of people and bringing down society. As Jaron Lanier states:
“Bringing down a society to get rich is a fool’s game and Silicon Valley is acting foolish.”
These tech bros got rich because they captured our attention and we gave them our data. But we don’t have to put up with this. There is another way.
The Australian government is leading the way with a social media ban for under-16s. It’s a bold move that Big Tech companies are not happy about.
From December 10, all Australians under the age of 16 will be banned from using social media, such as TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, X, and Snapchat.
But why should this ban only apply to teens under 16?
Everyone would be better off by taking a break from these platforms.
As young people move away from social media, I encourage everyone, especially parents, teachers, and older siblings, to try taking a break from these apps too.
Your self-imposed social media ban doesn’t have to be forever. It could be for just 30 days.
If you’re thinking, “30 days! Why so long?”, here’s why . . .
You need to be off social media for a while to clear your head and see how crazy it all is.
What I discovered by deleting the apps is that when I used them they scrambled my brain. When I was on the platforms, they made me performative, jealous, and desperate for attention.
But it’s difficult to see it when you’re under the spell of these mind controlling platforms. Like a person exiting a cult or sobering up from alcoholism, you need to step back and gain some distance to recognise the toxic impact it’s having on you.
If, after 30 days, you feel stronger without social media in your life, you have the option of extending your ban. Or you can delete your accounts. The choice is yours.
There are several other reasons why taking an extended break from social media is well worth doing.
Firstly, this is a powerful way to show solidarity with young Australians as they go cold turkey on addictive tech.
This transition won’t be easy, especially for heavy users of the apps. By joining the under-16s in taking a break from the apps, we can better understand what they’re experiencing and offer support and compassion.
It’s also an opportunity to get to know ourselves better and live more authentic and free lives.
In Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now, Jaron Lanier says:
“To free yourself, to be more authentic, to be less addicted, to be less manipulated, to be less paranoid…for all these marvelous reasons, delete your accounts.”
Big tech companies want you to think that without social media, there will be no internet or support groups to help you through tough times. That you will be isolated and lonely without their apps.
But don’t believe the lies.
The Internet will still be there to use and explore. You’ll have chat groups, friends you can email, text, and call, and meet-ups you can attend.
Trust me when I say this: you will adjust and get to know yourself better by taking a break from social media.
Whether you are forced to get off social media by the government or you voluntarily decide to take an extended break, here are my suggestions for a smooth transition off these addictive platforms:
Initially, leaving social media will feel hard. You will find yourself picking up your phone to open the app to start scrolling, but it won’t be there.
You will most likely feel a sense of loss (I did). Expect to feel restless and irritable to begin with.
But these feelings will pass.
What is happening is your brain is adjusting to a new, lower level of mental stimulation. It’s adjusting to a world where it doesn’t constantly receive quick hits of dopamine.
At some point, the discomfort will disappear and be replaced with a feeling of calm.
During this time of adjustment, treat yourself with extra care. Spend time outdoors, go for walks, get good sleep, fuel up on nutritious meals, and do things with your hands (write, draw, colour in, etc).
Engage in activities that connect you to yourself, others and the world around you.
When you engage in healthy lifestyle practices, your brain releases a balanced cocktail of chemicals (including dopamine), which leaves you feeling good rather than anxious.
When you wake up, resist the urge to check your phone right away. Even if you don’t have social media on your device, there are plenty of other ways to get quick dopamine hits, like messaging friends, checking your email, or reading the news.
When you check your phone or email first thing, it puts you in reactive mode. You also risk crashing your dopamine system, leaving you feeling sluggish and flat.
I like to start the day with some form of physical activity, such as going for a run on my treadmill or riding my bike, or tidying up my space. These activities provide a slow release of dopamine, helping set me up for the day ahead.
Some academics say generative AI is like crack cocaine for social media addicts. For this reason, it doesn’t make sense to replace social media with an anthropomorphic chatbot (e.g., ChatGPT) that sycophantically tells you what you want to hear and provides a friction-free ‘relationship’.
Life and human relationships are messy. But unlike AI chatbots, these things are real.
Time gained by stepping away from social media is best spent in the real world with real humans.
Be proactive about your social life. Text or email your friends to organise catch-ups. Take delight in hearing about what they’ve been up to.
Instead of getting a picture-perfect, curated version you’d see online, you’re more likely to receive a raw and refreshingly honest account of what’s been happening in your friend’s life.
Without social media, you’ll find yourself with a lot more free time. Use that free time to teach yourself a new skill or explore a new topic.
When I left social media, I joined a local Yoga studio, upped my kitchen game (learning how to cook delicious plant-based meals) and enrolled in free online courses that would increase my knowledge and skills.
How will you get your news? By heading straight to online news sites.
I have several online news sites loaded into my streamdeck to stay up-to-date with what’s going on in the world (e.g., Democracy Now, Al Jazeera, Guardian, All Sides, and ABC). All I need to do is hit a button, and I’m reading the news with the peace of mind that I’m no longer in a filter bubble.
There will be times when you feel lonely, bored, and sad. Instead of trying to suppress or numb these emotions, journal or draw what you’re feeling and thinking.
You could also write a letter to yourself. If you don’t know what to write, here are some prompts to get you started:
Whatever you would normally post and share, you’re now sharing with an audience of one: yourself. The good thing is there’s no need to worry about offending anyone or being cancelled. You can fully express yourself without the fear of being judged by others.
There are many toxic products in the world that we need to be aware of, and social media is another one of them. We need to treat it with extreme caution, as no one is immune to the harms caused by these platforms.
In the book The Anxious Generation, Dr Jonathan Haidt asks the question:
“What would the sages advise us today about managing our phone-based lives? They’d tell us to get off our devices and regain control of our minds.”
Australian teenagers under 16 will soon be banned from social media, but the rest of us can choose to leave the platforms freely.
In the spirit of reclaiming your mental freedom, I challenge you to run a tiny experiment where you refrain from using social media for at least 30 days.
As your brain adapts to a lower level of stimulation, you’ll experience a sense of freedom, satisfaction, and calmness. You’ll notice your life force, energy, and focus returning to you once again.
I had one of these dreams the other night.
My anxious exam dreams usually go something like this . . .
I’m back in high school and I’m not having a fun time.
I’m freaking out because this exam is in just a few hours. So I’m scrambling. I’m cramming. I’m feeling desperate.
But what I’m doing isn’t working. I’m looking at the page and nothing is going into my brain. I’m filled with this sense of impending doom. But just before I enter the exam room . . . I wake up . . . Phew!
It was just a dream.
I graduated from high school two decades ago!
These dreams usually occur a few weeks before I need to deliver an important presentation. I’m not big on interpreting dreams, but here’s what I believe my subconscious is trying to tell me: “Lift your game. It’s time to start preparing!”
Delivering a presentation is similar to taking an exam. Both activities require you to exert mental effort and be well prepared. They can also bring up a lot of anxiety.
When I deliver a presentation, I have to recall a large amount of content from memory. I also need to keep an eye on the time because running into recess or lunch is not a smart move!
I have to be organised and make sure I have all my props and equipment. I also need to stay calm because if I look stressed, this will make the audience feel stressed and concerned about my wellbeing.
Just like you can’t wing a 3 hour long exam, I can’t afford to wing a presentation in front of a group of 200 students.
I believe the strategies that help me to memorise and deliver presentations can also help you to ace your exams.
Below I share simple things you can do to recall information under pressure and remain calm and grounded in strange and unusual environments.
Some of these strategies may seem a bit over-the-top. But my job is to present ideas to others. If I bomb out, I usually won’t get a second chance to present at the school again. This is why I strive to do my best every time.
When you leave things to the very last minute and feel rushed packing up your gear, there’s a good chance you’ll forget something important.
This is why I gather all my props the night before a presentation. Just before I go to bed, I lay out the clothes I’m going to present in. This means I don’t have to waste my brainpower on this small stuff in the morning.
Just like you need to think quickly in an exam, I need to be able to think quickly on my feet when I present. A solid 8 hours of quality (uninterrupted) sleep helps me to do this.
If I mess with my sleep, I mess with my ability to think.
I’ve developed a strict bedtime routine – I go to bed at the same time and I wake up at the same time. My phone is on silent and charging in another room when I sleep.
Now is the time to develop good sleep habits. Aim to get a minimum of 8 hours of quality sleep each night.
Consider doing some light exercise (nothing too strenuous) before an exam.
Before I deliver a talk, I’ll run on my treadmill or ride my bike for 20-30 minutes. Not only does this make me feel powerful and strong, but it puts me in a positive frame of mind.
It’s a fine line though. If you push yourself too hard (which I have done in the past), you’re going to feel exhausted. You need to make sure you don’t overdo it.
If I do happen to push myself too hard (which doesn’t happen very often as I’ve learnt what works for me), I’ll take a quick 20 minute power nap to re-energise before a talk.
If I’m feeling a bit nervous about delivering a presentation, I don’t make a big deal about it. I view a bit of nervous energy as a good thing.
I think, “I must be excited”.
I’ve also come to see a bit of nervous energy as better than being completely chilled. If I’m feeling super relaxed, I can’t muster enough energy to inject into the room. I’ve also noticed my thinking isn’t as sharp.
If you’re feeling nervous about an exam, say to yourself, “I’m feeling excited!”.
Before I deliver a presentation, I’ll sit and breathe deeply for 2 – 3 minutes. This helps me stay calm, grounded, and focused.
I also put my phone on airplane mode so I’m not distracted by any random texts or calls. At this point, I need to stay in the zone and I can’t have anything throw me off my game.
In the 30 minutes before the exam begins, you need to protect your mental state. Take some deep breaths, put your phone away, and shut out the world around you. Wearing a pair of headphones can also help.
Your brain needs fuel to think and function well. Where does it get that fuel from? Food. So whatever you do, don’t skip breakfast or lunch before an exam.
Before I present, I make sure I eat a healthy meal an hour beforehand. If the talk is at a strange time, I’ll make myself a healthy smoothie. This gives me the energy I need to deliver high energy presentations.
I once cooked up and ate a big vegan schnitzel before I had to deliver an important presentation. I’d never consumed one of these processed schnitzels before, which must have been packed full of salt because I kept sipping on water before the talk.
I remember that I was freaking out because of the unexpected impact of this salty vegan schnitzel. I was thinking, “How am I going to do this? I’m going to need to go to the toilet! Why did you think it was a good idea to eat a vegan schnitzel right before a talk?!”
Luckily, I managed to deliver the talk without any problems. But it was a close call.
I learnt an important lesson that night . . .
Don’t experiment with any new or strange foods before giving a talk. You’re asking for trouble.
Work out what foods make your brain feel good and then stick to those foods before each exam.
If you feel hungry, sleep deprived, or you have a full bladder, these things are going to create some discomfort. It will be hard to concentrate and recall information in the exam.
This is why I always make sure I take care of the basics (e.g., having a healthy breakfast or snack) before I deliver a presentation.
Give yourself plenty of time to get to the exam room. There’s nothing worse than feeling rushed, stressed or getting lost.
This is why I like to set up for a job at least 30 minutes before I need to present. This gives me plenty of time to avoid any technical problems and get grounded.
Since I don’t rely on any notes or palm cards when I present, I need to know my content back to front and inside out.
How do I learn the content?
I use a combination of three highly effective study strategies:
1) Dual coding (using words and pictures to help you learn);
2) Active recall (bringing information to mind); and
3) Spaced practice (spacing out your study, not cramming).
These three strategies are much more effective than rereading and highlighting my notes. I recommend you use these study strategies to prepare for your exams.
Research shows physical movement, including the use of gestures, helps improve understanding and boosts memory.
Whether you’re trying to learn a new concept for an exam or memorise a presentation, don’t be afraid to use your hands and body. Think about what you’re saying. Can you apply a gesture or move your body to help you memorise and improve your understanding of a concept?
You can read more about the power of gestures and movement when it comes to learning here.
Before each exam, keep away from people and places that drain your energy and stress you out. Avoid energy vampires (i.e. people who drain your mental energy and make you feel a bit out of whack) as much as possible. Don’t waste your brainpower on these toxic people. You need all your brainpower for your exams.
Sometimes things will go wrong that are completely out of your control. And you have to just roll with it and do the best job you can under the circumstances.
For example, a few years ago, I did a job where nothing seemed to go to plan. The school receptionist was rude and unhelpful. The venue for the talk wasn’t booked. The students didn’t have chairs to sit on. To make matters worse, it was a boiling hot day and the air-conditioner wasn’t working.
What was I supposed to do?
Having a meltdown wasn’t going to help.
In times like these, you need to remain calm and focus on the things you can do to make things better going forward.
If you have two exams on the same day, you need to think about how you’ll manage your energy levels. You need to conserve your energy.
For instance, if I need to deliver two or three different talks in a day, I manage my energy levels by taking deep breaths, frequent sips of water, and power naps where possible.
Preparing to sit an exam is like preparing to go on stage for a performance. If you can use some of the strategies listed above, you can stay calm, energised, and grounded, which will make a big difference when it comes to recalling information in the exam.
Which strategy will you test out to stay calm and enhance your performance in your next exam?
I was the kid who was always late for school. I’d forget things. I’d lose my stuff. I’d regularly have to check the grimy lost property bin.
When I was younger, I admired people who were organised. Seeing someone with colour-coded files, a neatly arranged bag, and a tidy bedroom was inspiring.
I figured I was just wired differently. Being messy was just how I was—a simple fact of life. My boyfriend (now my husband) even affectionately nicknamed me Mess Pot.
It never dawned on me that perhaps these ‘organised’ people I was so in awe of had been exposed to other organised people and practices from a young age.
It wasn’t until I was in my early twenties that the penny finally dropped.
Here’s what I realised . . .
No one pops out of the womb knowing how to be organised.
If you know how to learn, you can learn how to become organised. It’s not rocket science.
So, that’s exactly what I did.
Over the past 15 years, I’ve taught myself to be organised.
I’ve read many books on the topic, from Marie Kondo’s bestseller The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up to David Allen’s Getting Things Done.
I’ve experimented with numerous organisational methods, systems and strategies that the authors promised would transform my life from chaos to freedom, control, and ease.
In this article, I share what I’ve learnt from all these books, organisational gurus, and personal experiments I’ve conducted to become organised. I hope this inspires you to develop your own systems and strategies that work for you.
You can follow other people’s systems and methods, but I’ve discovered that it’s best to develop your own organisational system. The organisational system you adopt must align with your values and goals. If it doesn’t, abandon it or tweak it until it feels right for you.
For instance, I love books, and I own many. This is why I yelped out in pain when I read Marie Kondo’s advice on how to deal with books.
In her book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Kondo advises readers to rip out relevant pages from reference books and discard the rest of the book. There was simply no way I would do that to my precious books!
Central to her KonMari method is holding an object in both hands and feeling the emotion that arises.
If the object sparks joy? You keep it.
If there is no joy? You get rid of it.
I can see how this strategy has enormous appeal. It simplifies the decluttering process. You don’t have to think too hard. But there are dangers in the spark joy approach.
You can end up on a consumer treadmill of discarding items that no longer spark joy and constantly acquiring new ones that do. However, you can bet that the joy will soon dissipate from those new items as you habituate to them.
In addition, this ‘Spark Joy’ strategy also overlooks the functional role of many items in our lives.
My toilet plunger doesn’t exactly spark joy, but it’s incredibly useful when I need it!
The point is you need to trust yourself. Don’t give all your power away to a stylish organisational guru with a cult following and a Netflix series!
Trial and error is the key to getting your organisational groove on. And patience.
Your life won’t be transformed in a day or a week. You have to trust that the solutions will come, but it will take time.
This may sound a bit woo-woo and new age. So, let me frame it another way . . .
On your journey to become organised, pretend to be a scientist. Run some personal experiments.
In the book Tiny Experiments, Anne-Laure Le Cunff encourages us to come up with a research question and then turn it into a hypothesis. She states:
“Don’t overthink it. Formulating a hypothesis is an intuitive process based on your past experiences and present inclinations. It should simply be an idea you want to put to the test- an inkling of an answer to your research question.
If you observed that you dread giving presentations, maybe improv classes could help build your confidence. If you feel anxious in the morning, maybe meditation could help regulate your emotions. If you enjoy graphic design, maybe freelancing could help strengthen your portfolio.”
Don’t be put off by this scientific language (e.g., ‘Hypothesis’ and ‘research question’). Running a tiny experiment and formulating a hypothesis is easy.
Here’s an example from my own life . . .
I’ve noticed that when clutter piles up on my desk, I am more easily distracted and feel overwhelmed. So, I came up with the following research question:
“How can I decrease feelings of overwhelm and increase my ability to focus when I’m at my desk?”
My hypothesis to this question was:
“Decluttering my desk by removing all non-essential items will decrease feelings of overwhelm and increase my ability to focus on the task at hand.”
Then, I put this idea to the test and observed what happened.
Some experiments you run will work. Others will flop, but that’s okay. The point is you won’t know unless you run some tiny experiments.
As Anne-Laure Le Cunff states:
“Once you have a hypothesis, you can design an experiment and turn your life into a giant laboratory for self-discovery.”
Through running tiny experiments, I’ve come to realise that being organised isn’t about having a beautifully colour-coordinated filing system or a nicely decorated home.
It’s also not about following 10 simple steps and waking up one day to find that you’ve magically become an organised person.
In our materialistic culture, we are sold a particular idea and image of what it means to be organised. But I’m not buying it. And you shouldn’t either. Why? Because it’s a lie designed to make us feel bad about ourselves, so we buy more stuff!
In stark contrast to the slick images you see online and in glossy magazines, life is messy. It’s a constant struggle.
Purchasing pretty storage containers and having a tidy, organised home won’t make your life less messy and uncertain.
But I can say this: being organised will make it easier to navigate the mess and chaos of life. It will help you focus your time, energy, and attention on what matters most to you.
So, I’m suggesting that you block the influencers and ads from your feed and burn the home lifestyle magazines. You’re going to create your own personal philosophy for organised living.
Being organised is about helping my day go a little more smoothly.
It’s about removing friction and resistance between me and the tasks I need to do. When I’m organised I can easily find what I need, which allows me to dive into my projects: filming that video, cooking that new recipe for dinner, and mind mapping that book I’ve just read.
Being organised is a way to enjoy the present moment more. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by mess and clutter, I feel calm and grounded. It’s easier to focus on the task at hand.
Is it worth taking the time to become more organised and experiment with your own systems and strategies?
Yes. 100%.
Being organised has decreased my stress levels and boosted my confidence. It has also saved me a significant amount of time and energy.
I’ve found that developing a few guiding principles helps ground you in your quest to become organised.
Below, I share my guiding principles and how I’ve integrated each one into my life.
I’m not here to tell you to copy what I do (it’s best to develop your own philosophy, guiding principles, systems, and strategies). However, if you’re unsure where to start, feel free to experiment with the systems and strategies listed below.
Give every item a home. Everything should have a special place in your space.
Professional chefs do this. Before they start cooking a dish, they prepare the ingredients and take out the kitchen utensils they need. There’s a term for this practice. It’s called the mise en place.
Mise en place is a French term that literally translates to ‘putting in place’, but it means a place for everything and everything in its place.
When it comes time for a chef to start cooking a dish, they know where the ingredients and kitchen utensils are. This allows the chef to work efficiently and focus on the task at hand: cooking the dish.
In the book Work Clean, Dan Charnas explains how this concept can be applied outside the kitchen to our everyday lives.
Charnas encourages us to arrange our spaces to remove resistance. He states:
“The less friction we have in our work, the easier it is to do, the more we can do, and the quicker we can do it; and thus the more physical and mental energies we can preserve for other things.”
Mise en place changed my life for the better. I used to spend a lot of physical and mental energy trying to find my keys, wallet, etc., but not anymore.
I now have a designated spot for my keys, hat, wallet, and bag. After using these items, I return them to their special place.
With the mise en place, I no longer waste time searching for items. I can quickly and easily find what I need. You can read more about how I apply mise en place to my life here.
If something is important, I can’t have it stuffed away in a cupboard, drawer, or file. If it’s hidden away, it doesn’t exist.
This is why you’ll see vertical wall hangers in most rooms of my house. These hangers contain key items I frequently use in the space.
By having one item per pouch, I can easily find what I need when I need it.
I get easily overwhelmed by piles of stuff, so I have to be vigilant and stay on top of the mess.
I have a simple trick for keeping my space relatively tidy. I tell myself:
“All I need to do is put away three things. That’s it!”
The sink is overflowing with dishes? I tell myself, “Just do three dishes!”
Laundry is scattered all over the bed? “Just put away three pieces of clothing!”
The kitchen bench is covered in random stuff? “Put away three spices!”
Putting away three items feels easy. And when something feels easy, I’m more likely to get started.
When everything has its special place (see Principle #1: Embrace mise en place), it’s easy to implement this principle.
There’s nothing more frustrating than having a brilliant idea and having no way to capture it. You need to be able to catch thoughts as they occur.
This is why I have whiteboards, markers, pads of paper, and pens placed in key locations.
These random ideas that I capture get thrown into my in-tray to process later on.
Distractions keep you from doing what you need to do. Like a pile of clutter on your desk or boxes obstructing your entryway, distractions are a barrier to your goals and intentions.
If you want to be more organised, you need to deal with anything that could distract you before sitting down to do your work.
Like most people, the biggest distraction I face is my phone.
If I’m constantly checking my phone, I feel scattered, frenzied, and overwhelmed. Everything speeds up. I start to feel like I’m spinning out of control.
I know I have to avoid this mental state at all costs if I want to have any chance of having a productive, enjoyable day.
This is why I have a morning ritual of placing my phone in pocket 1 of my vertical wall hanger in my dining room (well away from my workspace) before I start my workday. Out of sight is out of mind.
I used to feel intimidated by the idea of planning, so I rarely planned my week or day.
But over the past few years, I’ve become a planning machine. Why? Because plans are powerful. Even rubbish plans work wonders!
As Ned Brockman says, plans “help make you less anxious about the howling chaos of modern life.”
Here’s how I create my ‘rubbish’ plans for the week and day:
At the end of every week (on a Sunday), I create a plan for the week ahead.
I do this by reflecting on the week I’ve just had (What did I do this week? Can I claim any wins? Are there any unfinished tasks or people I need to get back to?) and looking at the week ahead (What do I need to do this week?).
I write out all the major to-dos for the next seven days on a list.
This list usually overwhelms me (there’s always a lot to do!). To combat this feeling of overwhelm, I transfer a few tasks from the list to an index card. This is my daily card (the to-do list for the day).
As I complete each task, I mark it off my daily card. As I see more items being marked off, it builds positive momentum and a sense of progress and satisfaction.
I use a paper-based planner and a massive year-in-a-glance calendar to help me keep track of my commitments.
When I can see how many days I have before an important presentation or my next holiday, I feel calmer and more in control.
Using planners also frees up precious mental space for learning as you’re not trying to hold so much information in your working memory.
I’m far from being a minimalist. I love my stuff. But having too much can be overwhelming. More stuff means more things to manage, making it harder to stay organised.
As someone who loves to op-shop, I frequently have to remind myself of the following quote by William Morriss:
“Have nothing in your house which you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.”
Every few months, I’ll collect some items to donate to my local op-shop. Reducing my possessions makes cleaning and organising a lot easier and quicker.
It’s important to remember why you are striving to be organised in the first place. It’s not to impress other people. You are doing this for you.
Being organised helps you pursue your goals and live in accordance with your values. You have to keep your goals front and centre of your mind; otherwise, the goal of being organised can dominate your life. Organising can become a form of procrastination.
This is why I keep coming back to my values and goals (which I have captured on a mind map). This reminds me that being organised helps me to live a good life. But it’s not the point of my life. There are more important things I want to do with my time, energy and attention.
That said, it’s hard to focus on and work towards my goals if I’m completely disorganised. I lose sight of them! You need to find a healthy balance.
If you want to be more organised, I encourage you to experiment with developing systems and strategies that work for you. Come up with an organisational philosophy and set of guiding principles that align with your values.
Why not treat your life as a laboratory and run some tiny experiments to become organised?
Through trial and error, you’ll discover what works and what doesn’t.
Remember, this isn’t about having a perfectly decorated home or trying to impress others. The point of being organised is to allow you to do the things you want to do without as much friction. It’s about living a good life.
Dr Jane Genovese delivers interactive and engaging study skills sessions for Australian secondary schools. She has worked with thousands of secondary students, parents, teachers and lifelong learners over the past 15 years.
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