If you were struggling, you couldn’t escape to the worlds of Facebook, YouTube and Netflix for instant relief.
How do I know?
Because I was born before 1985. I know what it feels like to be a student with and without the Internet.
While your video game was loading, you had time to think:
“Is this the best use of my time? Why am I avoiding this task? What am I scared of? Failure? Looking stupid? Am I just confused and overwhelmed?”
Pauses were built into the day to help you reflect on your behaviour (what you should and shouldn’t be doing).
But these days, with super fast Internet and mobile phones, pauses are nowhere to be seen. Most of us find ourselves in a constant state of restless idleness, switching rapidly from one task to the next.
As Michael Harris, author of The End of Absence, states:
“When teens work on their homework … a full two thirds of them are multitasking. If need be, they can simultaneously text, watch music videos, groom their Facebook page, and play Call of Duty, all while positioning up an essay on Hamlet.”
Struggling to write that Hamlet essay? No worries. You can toggle between Word and Facebook in less than a second. Boom! Instant rewards! Instant relief!
And this is how procrastination and multitasking become deeply ingrained (bad) habits.
Research shows that when you work this way …
By inserting a pause button into your life.
A pause button can help you to stop and reflect before you do something that you’ll later regret. It can help you re-focus and get back on track.
The pause button I’m talking about isn’t something you’ll be able to find on ebay or Amazon. You’ll need to create your own pause button.
The thing about your pause button is that it doesn’t need to be anything fancy. You could go on a free image site like Pixabay and print one out.
Or you could get creative and draw one on a sheet of paper. Decorate it with glitter, stickers, crayons, etc. Frame it if you want. You want to personalise it. Own it. This button (if you use it) is going to deliver you to greater productivity levels and focus.
Once you’ve got your pause button, stick it up on your wall. Make it far away enough so you need to take a few steps to get there.
Every time you feel the urge to procrastinate by switching to a more enjoyable task (e.g. Facebook), walk over to the pause button and hit it.
Now here’s the important part …
Your next small step may be:
• Have a drink of water
• Write one more sentence
• Set a timer and keep going for another five minutes
If you hit the pause button and think, “I really need a 5 minute break. I’m not getting anywhere with this …”, then no problem! Take a break. But be intentional about it and place a time limit on it (e.g. “I’m going for a 5 minute walk”).
Let me make it clear: taking breaks after doing some solid work is not procrastination. Never confuse relaxing with procrastination. You’re not a machine. You need to pace yourself. Breaks help you manage your energy levels so you can tackle your work with a refreshed, clear mind.
The act of getting up and walking over to your pause button will require a bit of willpower to start with. Initially, it may feel forced, strange and a little bit silly hitting a piece of paper on your wall. But persevere. The more times you hit that pause button, the sooner it will become a habit.
Once you kick the bad habit of multitasking and procrastination, you’ll find your brain will be less stressed. This in turn will make it easier for you to study and retain important information.
While everyone around you is freaking out because they’ve left their work until the last minute, you’ll be feeling calm and in control.
Share This:
Some of us have a tendency to ignore our Future Self, preferring to live for the moment.
But when it’s the night before an exam and you’re scrambling to revise, I’m guessing you probably wish you’d given more thought to your Future Self.
In short, if you want to live a calm life, you can’t go ignoring Future You.
In this article, I share how you can get more connected to your Future Self to combat procrastination.
In every moment, we face choices such as these:
Do I watch YouTube or start studying for that upcoming test?
Do I eat a piece of cake or a piece of fruit?
Do I buy the new shirt or wear one I already own to save money?
Do I use ChatGPT or my brain?
In other words, do we choose the thing that gives us instant gratification, or do we choose the thing that will help us move towards our future goals?
When you choose instant gratification, you’re voting for Present You.
When you choose to delay gratification, you’re voting for Future You.
Just to be clear, it’s not always one or the other. Often you do things that benefit both Future You and Present You.
For instance, some people prepare healthy homecooked meals. This doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. The process can be enjoyable.
Some people also love the work they do, stating that the work feels more like play than a hard slog.
When we take both of these versions of ourselves into account (Present You and Future You), we are in a much better place, mentally and physically. It’s a win-win situation.
But often, these two versions of ourselves are not in perfect alignment. We wake up and find that we really don’t want to study for that upcoming exam. Or we feel a strong urge to buy that new shirt even though we have 20 perfectly good shirts in our closet.
Enter letter writing.
Research shows the simple act of writing a letter to your Future Self can help you feel more connected to Future You. This in turn can help you make better decisions in the present.
When you get connected to your Future Self, studies have found you’re more likely to save money, do better academically, exercise, and consider future consequences. You’re also less likely to procrastinate with your study.
Rather than letting things pile up for your Future Self to deal with (cue panic and overwhelm), your Present Self gets on with them in a calm and grounded way.
There’s a popular website called Futureme.org that allows you to write letters to your Future Self.
Here’s how it works . . .
You write a letter on the website and then set the date you want to receive your letter. For a small fee, the letter is emailed to you on that date.
On this website, people can select to make their letters available to the public to read. It’s fascinating to get a glimpse into other people’s lives and what they desire for their Future Selves.
It also gives you a sense of where people go wrong when writing to their Future Self.
One thing I’ve noticed is people can fall into the trap of ‘magical thinking’. They imagine their Future Self being wildly successful while failing to consider what it will take to actually achieve that future.
In one letter, a person writes, “YOU BETTER BE A SUCCESS!!!!” (no pressure). This anonymous person talks about getting a job (and if not, getting a Sugar Daddy), traveling the world, and not doing drugs. It’s a good start, but it doesn’t go far enough.
It’s like a person creating a vision board with cut-out images of things they desire, and thinking that by sticking these images onto a piece of card, they are manifesting these things into existence.
This is magical thinking, and in times of uncertainty, magical thinking tends to go into overdrive.
It may seem like a bit of harmless daydreaming, but research shows this kind of thinking can be harmful to our growth and development.
In her book Rethinking Positive Thinking, Dr Gabriele Oettingen writes:
“…dreamers are not often doers. My research has confirmed that merely dreaming about the future makes people less likely to realize their dreams and wishes (as does dwelling on the obstacles in their path). There are multiple reasons why dreaming detached from an awareness of reality doesn’t cut it. The pleasurable act of dreaming seems to let us fulfil our wishes in our minds, sapping our energy to perform the hard work of meeting the challenges in real life.”
What’s missing from this picture is being grounded in reality.
Science reveals a simple way to counteract this tendency to engage in magical thinking when writing a letter to Future You, and it’s simple:
Once you’ve written a letter to your Future Self, you must step into the shoes of Future you and draft a reply.
In other words, don’t let your Future Self ghost your Present Self.
This study found that the most effective way to get connected to your Future Self is a two-way letter exchange between Present You and Future You.
These researchers took a group of Japanese high school students and split them into two groups:
Group 1: Send only group – participants sent a letter to their Future Self
Group 2: Send and reply group – participants sent a letter to their Future Self and then stepped into the shoes of their Future Self and wrote a reply to their Present Self.
At one-month follow up, the students in group 2 who engaged in a back and forth exchange felt more connected to their Future Self than the students in group 1.
Group 2 also engaged in more intense career planning, and were better able to delay instant gratification when it came to their studies.
The researchers believed having to write a reply forced the students to engage in a practice called ‘mental contrasting’.
The students were able to dream big in their letters to their Future Selves, but the response letter grounded them in reality, shedding light on the obstacles and barriers that could prevent them from achieving their dreams.
When you step into the shoes of your Future Self and write a reply to your Present Self, it forces you to come up with a strategy on how to accomplish certain tasks and goals.
Writing a letter to and from your Future self is easier than it sounds.
Here’s what I find helps:
It can be a little daunting to write to your Future Self and step into the shoes of Future You, especially when things are so uncertain and the world is changing so rapidly (e.g., generative AI).
As humans, we like certainty. But the reality is we really don’t know what’s coming next.
This is why I find it helps to focus on 3-6 month timeframes.
Why 3-6 months?
It’s far easier to imagine what you’ll be like in 3 months than 20 years. It’s less abstract.
Whereas when you think of your Future Self in 20 years or even 2 years, we tend to be overly optimistic (even slightly delusional) about what we’ll be like.
As humans, we like to think that in 3 years, we’ll be more confident, less stressed, more capable, and more on top of things.
What happens when we think of our Future Selves in this way is that we tend to offload things to them (“Oh, I’ll leave that problem for my Future Self to deal with!”). In other words, we procrastinate.
In contrast, I’m far less likely to mess around if I’m inflicting pain on my Future self in 3 months. I can see that if I don’t get started on projects, tomorrow I’m going to wake up and feel annoyed with myself. Why? Because I have less time to do what I need to do. I’m going to feel stressed.
Where do you start when it comes to this unique letter writing exchange?
If you feel stuck, here are some prompts to get you started with your letter to Future You:
Right now, here’s what’s been happening in my life . . .
A task I’ve been procrastinating on is . . .
An area I currently feel stuck is . . .
Here’s what I’m struggling with . . .
A goal I’m working on is . . .
My daily routine goes something like this . . .
Here’s a special message for you . . .
You can also ask your Future Self questions such as: What goals are you working on? and What does a typical day in your life look like?
When you’ve finished writing your letter to your Future Self, give yourself a little break before you step into the shoes of your imagined Future Self to write a reply.
Go for a little walk, make yourself a nice drink, or do a short meditation. Do something to reset and re-energise your mind.
Once you’ve had a break, close your eyes and imagine stepping into the shoes of your future self. Imagine everything has gone according to plan. Imagine what your surroundings are like. Notice the way Future You feels.
Then reread your letter to your future self. After you’ve finished reading it, draft your reply.
Make sure you outline how you were able to achieve your goals (what steps did you take?). Remember, we want to get out of ‘magical thinking’ mode and get grounded in the reality of what the grimy work looks like.
If you’re tempted to simulate a conversation with your Future Self using AI, think twice.
One study used AI to assist people with talking to their 60 year old Future Self.
When I viewed an example of a simulated conversation from this study, it felt a bit clichéd and soulless (see image below). I wasn’t surprised to read that the participants reported the chat interactions felt ‘artificial’.
But it was something in the Limitations & Ethics section of the paper that caught my eye. The researchers wrote:
“There are many potential misuses of AI-generated future selves to be mindful of, including but not limited to: inaccurate depiction of the future in a way that harmfully influences present behavior, endorsement of negative behaviors, and the potential of over-reliance on such systems to assist decision-making.”
Since this paper was published back in 2024, we’ve seen concerns about these misuses and more come true: ChatGPT convincing teens to harm themselves, AI psychosis, and people becoming overly reliant on AI to the point where they no longer trust their own judgement.
This is why I recommend steering clear of AI to get connected to your Future Self. Trust yourself to be able to do this. You know yourself better than an AI chatbot.
Our current world is geared towards instant results and instant gratification. This can make it hard to make decisions in the present that benefit our future selves.
Research shows that a letter writing exchange between Present You and Future You is more effective than writing just a letter to Future You (with no reply).
I invite you to set aside 30 minutes to write these letters. Ideally, get away from screens and chatbots, and use your brain and hands to do this (trust me, it will feel nicer and more wholesome).
If you can stay grounded in reality, writing to and from your Future Self can be a simple practice to help you combat procrastination and do the things that are most important to you.
Efficiency was the name of the game.
In an attempt to be ‘time smart’, I started ordering my groceries online and having them delivered straight to my door.
Yes, it was convenient.
Yes, it was efficient.
But over time, I saw that this convenience and efficiency came at a cost.
I’m not talking about the $20 monthly subscription fee to the supermarket. I’m talking about the cost to my lived human experience.
Earlier this year, I realised that by having my groceries delivered, I was missing out on a lot of valuable micro-interactions.
I was depriving myself of experiences that made me feel connected to other people and my community.
You may be thinking, “Yeah, big deal, Jane! Don’t you have better things to do with your time than grocery shopping?”
My younger ‘optimised’ self would have thought so. And that’s certainly what the Big Tech companies want you to believe. Big tech wants you to believe that a good life is an optimised life and one that is friction-free.
While I used to think grocery shopping was a waste of my time, I don’t think this way anymore.
Shopping for food in person at your local farmers’ market, bulk food store, or supermarket is an experience worth having. It’s time well spent.
Besides acquiring the best fresh produce and ingredients, the in-person shopping experience offers unexpected micro-interactions.
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about . . .
Last week, I popped into a new supermarket to pick up a few items. I was looking for plant-based sausages, but after going all around the store, I couldn’t find them. I knew I needed help.
I approached a young employee who was busily stacking tubs of hummus in a refrigerator. I asked her if she knew where the vegan products were.
She said, “Oh, I think you’ll find them over here” and then she took off like a rocket. I was practically running with my shopping cart to keep up with her.
I said to her, “Wow, you walk really fast!”
To which she said, “Oh… sorry!”
I said, “No, don’t apologise! I think it’s great!”
We arrived at the plant-based sausages, I thanked her, and she sped off again.
This brief social interaction probably lasted less than 60 seconds, but it made my day. It got my heart rate up and put a smile on my face.
I felt inspired by her young person energy. It also dawned on me that I could probably push myself a little harder in my next workout session.
I’m not exaggerating when I say my life was enriched by this tiny social interaction. Had I just ordered my plant-based sausages online, I would have missed out on this joyous experience.
This experience got me thinking about why I love talking to complete strangers so much. Unless I encounter a total grump, I usually always leave the interaction feeling better than before.
I was curious. Had any research been done on this?
It turns out quite a bit!
Dr Gillian Sandstrom has written a book that explores the many benefits of talking to strangers. It’s called Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How “Small” Talk Can Add Up To a Big Life.
In an interview, Dr Sandstrom explains some of the benefits of talking to strangers. She states:
“The first benefit that we’ve found consistently is just that it puts you in a good mood. When you talk to a stranger, you usually walk away feeling a bit happier and more connected, which we know is so important for humans.
Another thing from the research is that we tend to learn more than we expect to when we talk to strangers. It brings novelty into our life, makes our life richer. There’s research about how well-being can arise from not only happiness, purpose, and meaning, but this third source: psychological richness. I think talking to strangers gives you richness, because it brings novelty and learning and those kinds of things into your life.”
Famous author Kurt Vonnegut understood this psychological richness that came from talking to strangers out in the world (not online).
He could foresee the problems associated with technology back in 2005 (well before social media, online shopping, and generative AI became widely adopted).
In a PBS interview, Vonnegut tells a story about going to the shops to purchase a single envelope.
Before leaving the house, his wife says to Vonnegut:
“You’re not a poor man. You know, why don’t you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet?”
Vonnegut continues the story, telling the PBS interviewer:
“I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I’m going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope.
I meet a lot of people. And, see some great looking babes. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And, and ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don’t know…
And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don’t realize, or they don’t care, is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And, we’re not supposed to dance at all anymore.”
The ‘Computer people’ Vonnegut referred to are the Tech bros of today. They have designed apps that have made us addicted, isolated, and lonely.
But we don’t have to go down this path. We have a choice.
Instead of choosing convenience, efficiency, and comfort, we can choose real contact with the world and people.
This is why I am resisting using AI. It’s why I don’t use any social media. It’s also why I have now gone back to buying my groceries in person and avoid the self-service checkouts as much as possible (even if it means waiting in line for five minutes).
Sometimes the checkout person is dead tired and doesn’t want to talk (which is fair enough). Or I’ll try to strike up a conversation and the other person doesn’t want to talk (this is rare, but it does happen).
You also need to be careful about who you choose to strike up a conversation with. Some people can be dangerous and unhinged, but in my experience, most people are kind and friendly.
If you have concerns about ‘Stranger Danger’, Dr Sandstrom suggests:
“Choose a situation that feels safe, such as a public place in broad daylight with plenty of people around.”
She goes on to add:
“In my life, instead of being a danger, strangers have been game changers.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Even if you do end up talking to someone who is a grump or not in the mood for a chat, you’ll learn something about yourself and the human experience.
By resisting the pull to be efficient and by seeking out micro-interactions, your life will be a whole lot richer. As Kurt Vonnegut once said: “We are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.”
For context, she was a sales manager who used a BlackBerry phone for work (a fancy, expensive device at the time).
Every minute of the interview, her phone pinged with a notification or she received an email alert on her laptop. She’d glance at one of her devices and, with a panicked look, say, “I need to answer this!”
It was an awkward and disjointed conversation, full of stops and starts. I have to admit, her behaviour annoyed me. I soon realised I wasn’t the only person feeling this way.
The sales manager mentioned that she had a 4-year-old daughter who would get upset with her.
She told me that her little girl would beg her to put her phone and computer away. She’d tug at her clothes and cry, “Mummy! Mummy! Put your phone away!”
I appreciated this woman’s honesty, especially when she said to me:
“On the weekend, I’m with my kids but not truly with them… if you know what I mean”.
I knew exactly what she meant.
That was over 10 years ago. Fast forward to today, and we’re all a bit like that sales manager. But things are a lot worse now.
Instead of being overwhelmed and distracted by phone calls and work emails, we’re dealing with powerful Big Tech companies that hijack our time, energy, and attention.
They’ve made us weak-willed and impulsive.
We’re now in a position where distraction is something we crave rather than put up with.
When we have a gap in our schedule or we have to wait in line, what do most of us do? We reach for our phones without even thinking.
Rather than be alone with our thoughts, we desperately try to fill the space with ‘phone snacks’.
When we feel confused, frustrated, or bored, we run to our devices to escape the discomfort and our brains reward us for doing so.
Every time we switch tasks, our brain releases a little shot of dopamine.
It’s these quick hits of dopamine that train us to crave checking our phones and, ultimately, multitasking.
In an environment of unrestricted tech use, my brain is like a wild monkey. It wants to run around, make a mess, and explore many different things all at once.
I can relate to Dr Nancy Colier when she writes in The Power of Off, the mind on technology is like a “wild, locked-up monkey that’s drunk two bottles of wine chased by a shot of Scotch and been stung by a whole swarm of bees”.
When I start multitasking (and it doesn’t take much to get me going), I feel amped up, frenzied, and agitated. My energy feels a little crazy.
Research shows that as we quickly switch from one task to another, we rapidly deplete our finite mental resources and put our brains under a lot of stress.
But it gets worse . . .
When we multitask, we also experience what researcher Sophie Leroy calls Attention Residue.
In a research paper called Why is it so hard to do my work? Leroy explains Attention Residue as the extent to which your attention is only partially focused on the current activity because a prior activity (the task you rapidly switched from) is still holding part of your attention.
Why does this matter?
Leroy’s research found that when you experience Attention Residue, your performance suffers.
It’s as if you’ve taken a big dollop of the previous task and put a thick slather of it all over the current task, thereby making a mess of the present moment.
The good news is we can stop messing with our precious moments by focusing on one task at a time.
In his excellent book Time Surfing, Zen Monk Paul Loomans encourages us to focus on one task at a time, with minimal interruptions, and do it until completion. He says if we do this, we will experience a sense of calm and pleasure in everything we do.
Even tasks we consider boring or mundane (e.g., peeling potatoes or cleaning your room) can be transformed into artistry when you are truly present.
Part of the problem is that we’re often in a rush to get to the next thing on our to-do lists. But as Loomans warns, “Rushing is like gulping down time. You’re not living for now but for later”.
To counter this frenetic urge to race ahead, Loomans suggests that we accept whatever we are doing as “the activity of the moment”. In other words, we view the task before us as the most important thing we can be doing in this moment and we forget the rest.
It’s a simple but powerful mental shift.
I’ve noticed that when I accept whatever I am doing as the thing I should be doing right now, I no longer feel the urge to work with such intense energy. I feel calmer. An added bonus is that when I slow down, I make fewer mistakes and tend to do a better job.
At the heart of it, doing one thing at a time means showing up to life and being present, to the good stuff but also the painful, boring bits.
If you find yourself reaching for your phone more than you’d like, ask yourself this question:
“Am I reaching for my phone to escape the present moment?”
For me, the answer is usually yes. I’m trying to avoid the discomfort of life. But life tends to be more meaningful and enjoyable when I stay fully present to what’s happening around me, with my phone out of sight.
Technology will dominate your life, and multitasking will be an issue unless you have strategies to protect your time, energy, and attention.
What motivates me to set limits on my tech use (specifically my phone) is a desire to feel calm, grounded, and focused. I also want to live a life of substance, not one in which I am constantly chasing instant gratification.
Here are the strategies that I am currently practising to help me decrease multitasking and cultivate calm:
When I’m with someone or working on an important task, I put my phone away and keep it out of sight. I want to be fully present with the person I’m with or the task at hand. Why?
Because attention is how we show others they matter.
When someone is checking their phone in a social situation, it communicates “I’m more interested in what’s happening on this screen than I am in you”.
When I think back to the interview with the sales manager, it would have been a better experience for everyone if she had put her phone on silent, left it in her bag, and closed her laptop.
There would have been fewer times saying “What was the question again?” and “Sorry, I can’t remember what we were talking about”.
We probably would have felt more connected, too.
Note: Even when my phone isn’t within arm’s reach, I can still catch myself rapidly switching between web browsers and tasks. However, I’ve noticed that my multitasking significantly increases when my phone is within arm’s reach.
You’ve probably heard of intermittent fasting, where you have a window for eating (e.g., 10am to 6pm). But have you heard of phone fasting?
Phone fasting is a period during the day when your phone is not within reach.
As TJ Power states in The Dose Effect:
“A phone fast enables your dopamine to replenish and creates the opportunity for connection and restoration.”
So, as an experiment, for 30 days, I phone fasted from 8pm until 12noon the next day (allowing myself to make urgent calls if needed). I discovered that this made a big difference to my ability to focus. I also experienced a sense of calm like never before.
At the start of the day, I create a ‘Wish List’ (another wonderful concept from Paul Looman’s Time Surfing book).
I write down all the things I’d like to do in the day, but there’s no pressure to do all of them. I then put the list away, and depending on how I feel, I listen to my intuition and trust myself to choose the right activity to begin with.
Before I start a work session, I also declare what I intend to do (e.g., “Chop vegetables for curry” or “Write for 45 minutes”). If possible, I also like to share what I plan to do with another human (I use an online coworking community called Cave Day to do this).
After every 25-30 minutes of work, I aim to take a short movement break (usually 2-5 minutes in duration). This helps me to stay energised and alert. But most importantly, it gives me a brain boost.
What I wish I had understood when I was younger is that you can’t focus for hours on end. It’s not humanly possible because your brain has a finite amount of attentional resources. This means as you focus on doing a task, your attentional resources get depleted (and if you multitask, you accelerate the depletion even more!).
However, research shows you can boost your attentional resources by taking short breaks or, as Paul Loomans likes to call them, ‘breathers’.
A ‘breather’ is any activity that allows you to get out of your head and grounded in your body.
Some of my favourite breather activities include going for a short walk, chopping vegetables, or riding my bike to pick up a package from the post office. These activities allow my brain and thoughts to roam free.
Although many of us default to checking our phones during breaks, resist the urge. The problem with using your phone on a break is that you’re still in your head. This means you’re churning through your attentional resources instead of replenishing them.
The sense of calm and pleasure I experience when I stop multitasking and focus on doing one thing at a time is second to none.
But in the age of the Attention Economy, with so many companies trying to hijack our attention, it takes discipline and practice to stay focused.
Without strategies in place to protect your focus, the default will be multitasking and its friends – chaos, stress, and fatigue.
We may not have a 4-year-old child tugging on our clothes when we’re using our phones. But perhaps we should all listen to the wisdom of that little girl and put our phones away.
