The standards are ridiculously high.
All those perfect bodies, perfect meals, perfect smiles and perfectly decorated homes can make you feel lousy.
Could all these perfect images be messing with your brain?
Absolutely.
This why late last year I took the plunge and deleted all my social media accounts. All that social comparison (and the general toxic vibe) was getting me down. It may be getting you down, too.
You’ve probably seen the following optical illusion: The Muller-Lyer illusion
In this illusion lines of the same length appear to be different lengths. But they’re not. The lines are exactly the same length.
I love optical illusions because they show us how the human mind can play tricks on us. We are so sure we are right about something (“That line is longer!”) but it turns out, we’re wrong.
Social media presents us with a highly curated version of other people’s lives. You’re exposed to the very best bits. This distorts your perception of reality.
As Professor Dr Laurie Santos states:
“If you imagine people have a plot in their life of like things that are just kind of super boring, or bad, or to things that are awesome, people aren’t snap chatting this stuff [the super boring and bad stuff] unless it’s like really funny . . . they’re usually snap chatting this stuff [the awesome stuff], right?
So you’re not seeing the right distribution. But in your own life, you see the distribution. You look at other people’s Snapchats and you’re like, “Everybody else’s life is awesome and everybody else is like doing cool things that I’m not.”
It’s in our biology to trust what we see with your eyes. So we get easily fooled into believing the highlight reel on social media.
Behind the edited photos, we can’t see the other person’s struggles.
But unlike most of the people you follow on social media, you know yourself well. You know that your life is not all ponies, kittens and rainbows. Life is messy.
If I was to fill your social media feed with the thoughts and feelings of some of the students that I have worked with, here is what some status updates would say:
• “My teachers are talking too fast. I can’t keep up! #feelingstupid”
• “I find myself swinging from not eating at all to snacking excessively. What is wrong with me?”
• “I can’t sleep at night. I manage 1 to 2 hours max. I am sooooo tired.”
• “My maths teacher is a bully. She told me to start using the big brain that is inside my tiny head. My mental health is going down hill because of her.”
• “My ex-boyfriend is toxic. I have to see him everyday at school. Ugh. It’s awful.”
• “I can’t find part-time work. I need a job. No one wants to hire me. Why don’t they want me?”
• “I’m drowning in work. I don’t know how to study. I’m not sure I can do ATAR.”
• “Some boys were making jokes about my arms. They were saying I have hairy arms. So what did I do after school today? I shaved off all the hair on my arms.”
• “I keep failing OLNA. I can’t do maths. I think there must be something wrong with my brain. I need to get a diagnosis.”
• “On my first day of school I felt sick and I threw up before going to school. I felt so sick and anxious when I arrived at class. . . I really wanted to make a good first impression on my first day but I feel like I blew it.”
• “Now I’m in year 11 and things are more serious. I have to think about my future . . . it’s a bit scary because I have no idea what I want to do.”
When I talk to students, I can often see the worried look in their eyes. Their eyes say . . .
“What the hell is wrong with me?”
But here’s what I want to say to these students . . .
“There is nothing wrong with you. You’re perfectly fine. You’re doing just fine.”
The bottom line is this . . .
That doesn’t make you weird or defective. That just makes you human.
In the book Happy, Healthy Minds by the School of Life, the authors say the solution is simple:
I realise this sounds really harsh. But here’s what they mean by this . . .
We all do foolish things.
We all feel anxious and nervous from time to time.
We all bomb out on tests and assignments.
But that’s okay!
Remember, you are human.
Accepting you’re an idiot (just like everyone else) should give you some freedom to try new things. Next time things don’t quite turn out, you’re less likely to beat yourself up. You can practice a little self compassion.
The School of Life also says it’s important to remember this . . .
“ Every so often, things will go right: we make a friend, we get a part in the play, we learn a language . . . “
In short, life doesn’t have to be perfect to be good.
So embrace your quirks. Accept you’ll make mistakes. And please, go easy on yourself.
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Unless you’re a superhero in a Marvel film, no one benefits from exposure to asbestos, lead paint, tobacco, and radioactive substances.
Toxic products are just like toxic people. It’s best to steer clear of them if you can.
If you can’t avoid them, then it’s wise to take precautions and minimise your exposure as much as possible.
Only a small child or a foolish adult would handle asbestos or a radioactive substance with their bare hands.
But I want you to consider that millions of people all around the world are constantly exposing themselves to another class of toxic products and they are unaware of it. What’s unique about these products is that the harms are invisible.
Exposure to these toxic products can result in:
I’m talking about social media platforms, such as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram.
Over the years, I’ve read extensively on the invisible harms linked with social media. As someone who was an early adopter of Facebook, I’ve seen these harms firsthand.
I was addicted to social media until I read the book Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now. I read this book in a day. The book had such a profound impact on me that I deleted all my social media accounts that evening back in November 2020.
I firmly believe now that social media is the mother of all toxic products and it’s time we started relating to it in this way.
As it turns out, I’m not alone in my thinking.
In a 2024 New York Times article, the US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy stated that warning labels should be placed on social media platforms, similar to the warnings that appear on cigarette packs. He wrote:
“It is time to require a surgeon general’s warning label on social media platforms, stating that social media is associated with significant mental health harms for adolescents. A surgeon general’s warning label, which requires congressional action, would regularly remind parents and adolescents that social media has not been proved safe.”
He also wrote:
“Adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms, and the average daily use in this age group, as of the summer of 2023, was 4.8 hours. Additionally, nearly half of adolescents say social media makes them feel worse about their bodies.”
Mental health issues are just one of many toxic by-products created by social media platforms.
The Center for Humane Technology has created a Ledger of Harms that details the hidden costs linked to social media, including a polluted information ecosystem that makes it hard for people to make sense of complex issues.
Under the heading ‘Making sense of the world: Misinformation, conspiracy theories, and fake news’, it states:
“A broken information ecology undermines our ability to understand and act on complex global challenges from climate change to COVID-19.”
This is why I believe social media is the mother of all toxic products. By fragmenting our attention and impairing our ability to understand complex issues, it becomes increasingly difficult to solve the massive challenges of our time.
We’ve placed too much trust in social media platforms without fully understanding how they work and what these apps are doing to our brains, relationships, and society.
Even if you understand the hidden harms, you may think that they don’t apply to you. That somehow you are immune to the risks.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard my friends make comments like:
There’s a reason why many parents working at big tech firms like Facebook and Instagram don’t let their children use the apps they work on.
It’s because they know these platforms cause harm.
For too long, we have naively trusted social media to be on our side. We believe what we see in our feed is a reflection of society. But it’s not.
Your feed is curated by the algorithm to keep you clicking, scrolling, and posting for as long as possible. This is why it feeds you outrageous content. Outrageous content hijacks your amygdala (the fear centre of your brain) and captures your attention.
The more data these companies can extract from you, the more profit they make. That’s the business model of Big Tech.
Put simply, Big Tech does not care about your wellbeing. It doesn’t care about supporting you with your goals or presenting you with accurate information that will help you make sense of the world.
As Philosopher James Williams writes in his book Stand Out of Our Light:
“There’s a deep misalignment between the goals we have for ourselves and the goals our technologies have for us.”
It’s time we said enough is enough to these Silicon Valley tech bros and their relentless pursuit of amassing more and more wealth through their addictive platforms at the expense of our collective wellbeing.
It’s painfully clear that a small handful of tech companies are hurting millions of people and bringing down society. As Jaron Lanier states:
“Bringing down a society to get rich is a fool’s game and Silicon Valley is acting foolish.”
These tech bros got rich because they captured our attention and we gave them our data. But we don’t have to put up with this. There is another way.
The Australian government is leading the way with a social media ban for under-16s. It’s a bold move that Big Tech companies are not happy about.
From December 10, all Australians under the age of 16 will be banned from using social media, such as TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, X, and Snapchat.
But why should this ban only apply to teens under 16?
Everyone would be better off by taking a break from these platforms.
As young people move away from social media, I encourage everyone, especially parents, teachers, and older siblings, to try taking a break from these apps too.
Your self-imposed social media ban doesn’t have to be forever. It could be for just 30 days.
If you’re thinking, “30 days! Why so long?”, here’s why . . .
You need to be off social media for a while to clear your head and see how crazy it all is.
What I discovered by deleting the apps is that when I used them they scrambled my brain. When I was on the platforms, they made me performative, jealous, and desperate for attention.
But it’s difficult to see it when you’re under the spell of these mind controlling platforms. Like a person exiting a cult or sobering up from alcoholism, you need to step back and gain some distance to recognise the toxic impact it’s having on you.
If, after 30 days, you feel stronger without social media in your life, you have the option of extending your ban. Or you can delete your accounts. The choice is yours.
There are several other reasons why taking an extended break from social media is well worth doing.
Firstly, this is a powerful way to show solidarity with young Australians as they go cold turkey on addictive tech.
This transition won’t be easy, especially for heavy users of the apps. By joining the under-16s in taking a break from the apps, we can better understand what they’re experiencing and offer support and compassion.
It’s also an opportunity to get to know ourselves better and live more authentic and free lives.
In Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now, Jaron Lanier says:
“To free yourself, to be more authentic, to be less addicted, to be less manipulated, to be less paranoid…for all these marvelous reasons, delete your accounts.”
Big tech companies want you to think that without social media, there will be no internet or support groups to help you through tough times. That you will be isolated and lonely without their apps.
But don’t believe the lies.
The Internet will still be there to use and explore. You’ll have chat groups, friends you can email, text, and call, and meet-ups you can attend.
Trust me when I say this: you will adjust and get to know yourself better by taking a break from social media.
Whether you are forced to get off social media by the government or you voluntarily decide to take an extended break, here are my suggestions for a smooth transition off these addictive platforms:
Initially, leaving social media will feel hard. You will find yourself picking up your phone to open the app to start scrolling, but it won’t be there.
You will most likely feel a sense of loss (I did). Expect to feel restless and irritable to begin with.
But these feelings will pass.
What is happening is your brain is adjusting to a new, lower level of mental stimulation. It’s adjusting to a world where it doesn’t constantly receive quick hits of dopamine.
At some point, the discomfort will disappear and be replaced with a feeling of calm.
During this time of adjustment, treat yourself with extra care. Spend time outdoors, go for walks, get good sleep, fuel up on nutritious meals, and do things with your hands (write, draw, colour in, etc).
Engage in activities that connect you to yourself, others and the world around you.
When you engage in healthy lifestyle practices, your brain releases a balanced cocktail of chemicals (including dopamine), which leaves you feeling good rather than anxious.
When you wake up, resist the urge to check your phone right away. Even if you don’t have social media on your device, there are plenty of other ways to get quick dopamine hits, like messaging friends, checking your email, or reading the news.
When you check your phone or email first thing, it puts you in reactive mode. You also risk crashing your dopamine system, leaving you feeling sluggish and flat.
I like to start the day with some form of physical activity, such as going for a run on my treadmill or riding my bike, or tidying up my space. These activities provide a slow release of dopamine, helping set me up for the day ahead.
Some academics say generative AI is like crack cocaine for social media addicts. For this reason, it doesn’t make sense to replace social media with an anthropomorphic chatbot (e.g., ChatGPT) that sycophantically tells you what you want to hear and provides a friction-free ‘relationship’.
Life and human relationships are messy. But unlike AI chatbots, these things are real.
Time gained by stepping away from social media is best spent in the real world with real humans.
Be proactive about your social life. Text or email your friends to organise catch-ups. Take delight in hearing about what they’ve been up to.
Instead of getting a picture-perfect, curated version you’d see online, you’re more likely to receive a raw and refreshingly honest account of what’s been happening in your friend’s life.
Without social media, you’ll find yourself with a lot more free time. Use that free time to teach yourself a new skill or explore a new topic.
When I left social media, I joined a local Yoga studio, upped my kitchen game (learning how to cook delicious plant-based meals) and enrolled in free online courses that would increase my knowledge and skills.
How will you get your news? By heading straight to online news sites.
I have several online news sites loaded into my streamdeck to stay up-to-date with what’s going on in the world (e.g., Democracy Now, Al Jazeera, Guardian, All Sides, and ABC). All I need to do is hit a button, and I’m reading the news with the peace of mind that I’m no longer in a filter bubble.
There will be times when you feel lonely, bored, and sad. Instead of trying to suppress or numb these emotions, journal or draw what you’re feeling and thinking.
You could also write a letter to yourself. If you don’t know what to write, here are some prompts to get you started:
Whatever you would normally post and share, you’re now sharing with an audience of one: yourself. The good thing is there’s no need to worry about offending anyone or being cancelled. You can fully express yourself without the fear of being judged by others.
There are many toxic products in the world that we need to be aware of, and social media is another one of them. We need to treat it with extreme caution, as no one is immune to the harms caused by these platforms.
In the book The Anxious Generation, Dr Jonathan Haidt asks the question:
“What would the sages advise us today about managing our phone-based lives? They’d tell us to get off our devices and regain control of our minds.”
Australian teenagers under 16 will soon be banned from social media, but the rest of us can choose to leave the platforms freely.
In the spirit of reclaiming your mental freedom, I challenge you to run a tiny experiment where you refrain from using social media for at least 30 days.
As your brain adapts to a lower level of stimulation, you’ll experience a sense of freedom, satisfaction, and calmness. You’ll notice your life force, energy, and focus returning to you once again.
I find this so strange because I really enjoy public speaking. And I also have grown to appreciate spiders (my husband did his PhD on trapdoor spiders).
Whether you love it or hate it, public speaking is a valuable life skill. It’s one worth cultivating.
Having delivered hundreds of presentations, I’ve learnt a lot about what you should and shouldn’t do when giving one.
I’ve also learnt that it’s wise to ignore popular public speaking advice that gets thrown around. Cliches like “Imagine everyone in the room is naked”. That’s not going to help!
Over the past 20 years, I’ve had to learn to go with the flow and be prepared for anything when delivering presentations.
Here are a few things I’ve experienced as a public speaker:
And that’s not even the worst of it.
I’m not bitter and twisted about these experiences. As the ancient Roman philosopher Seneca said:
“Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember.”
Looking back, I can have a good laugh about them.
Although these experiences were quite gruelling at the time, I am grateful for every one of them. Why? Because they taught me something valuable.
In some strange way, they also boosted my confidence. I came to see myself as someone who could handle (and survive) difficult situations.
Here’s the thing: nobody is born with a knack for public speaking. It’s a skill you need to work on.
You have to get your reps in (reps = talks). Then after each talk, it’s important to stop and reflect on what went well and what you could do differently next time. I’ve found this to be the best way to refine my public speaking skills.
You can also improve by watching other speakers and noting what you like and what irritates you. This is what I’ve done.
As I watch people deliver presentations, I can’t help but notice small adjustments they could make that would dramatically improve their public speaking.
So, what are the common mistakes I see people make when delivering presentations?
Here are eight things I wish people would stop doing when delivering presentations, along with simple fixes for each one.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard people start a presentation by saying things like, “Sorry, I finished putting this talk together an hour ago” or “Sorry, I’ve only had 3 hours sleep, so apologies if I don’t make much sense”.
I’m not kidding. These are all comments I’ve heard from academics presenting at conferences.
When you start with an apology, it creates negative momentum. Your audience collectively thinks, “Ugh, here we go…”.
Starting with an apology is also a sure-fire way to destroy your credibility. For the rest of your talk, you’ll be fighting for the listener’s interest and attention!
So, drop the apology. Even if you’ve only had 3 hours of sleep, the audience doesn’t need to know this (plus, they don’t care).
Begin on a positive note and harness all the energy you have for the presentation. Once you’ve wrapped things up, you can treat yourself to a nice, long nap!
Professional public speaker Scott Berkun says:
“ … most lectures are slow one-way trips into sedation.”
He’s not talking about the speed at which you talk. You can speak at a normal pace, but you need to keep things moving.
Don’t start with a long, boring introduction. Keep your introduction short and sweet, especially the introduction about yourself.
Whenever I deliver a talk, I start by saying something like this:
“Hi, I’m Jane. For the last 15 years, I’ve been experimenting with different study strategies: strategies that make learning less painful, less boring, more fun and more effective. Today I’m excited to share some of my favourite strategies with you. ”
Then, I launch straight into providing value (e.g., sharing a strategy or a new idea).
I don’t go into my qualifications, tell a long story about myself, outline all the points I’ll be talking about, or thank the client for having me there. That’s boring. It feels slow and painful.
As Professor BJ Fogg recommends:
“You should move your audience efficiently through (1) new ideas and (2) a range of emotions”.
If you waffle on too much at the beginning (or at any point), you risk losing your audience’s attention.
You’ve probably experienced sitting through presentations where the presenter read word-for-word what was on their slides.
No one walks away from these presentations feeling energised and inspired. Personally, I feel resentful and drained of my life force.
Boredom factor aside, another major problem with having too much text on your slides is that it creates interference. The audience ends up multi-tasking: switching between listening to you speak and reading the text on your slides.
Research shows that multitasking in this way leads to less retention of information. It can also be stressful for the audience.
This is why my presentation slides consist mainly of images. I use very few words (if any) on my slides. This is a deliberate design decision. I want the audience to be focused on what I’m saying rather than reading what’s on the slide next to me.
Whenever I see someone reading speaking points from their phone, I want to swipe it out of their hand.
Your phone needs to be out of sight when you deliver a presentation. Put it on silent and keep it in your bag (or even better, leave it in another room). Please do not touch it or look at it until you’ve finished presenting.
Why do I feel so strongly about phones and public speaking?
Because phones are a barrier to connection with your audience.
In the book The Workshop Survival Guide, Rob Fitzpatrick and Devin Hunt write:
“Consider the negative impact of having dinner with someone who keeps glancing at their phone…holding and checking your phone projects massive disinterest in your audience, even if it was for a workshop relevant reason.”
Instead of reading speaking points off your phone, use palm cards. But keep them small.
When I was 12 years old, I had a public speaking coach who drilled into me that big palm cards weren’t a good look. She would make me trim existing palm cards so they fit perfectly in the palm of my hand and wouldn’t be visible to the audience. I recommend you do the same.
Now, if you’re thinking, “But Jane, I need my phone to keep track of time”, I have an excellent alternative for you: two kitchen timers.
Before I deliver a talk, I set a countdown timer for the presentation duration (this way I can keep an eye on the time and make sure I don’t go over my allocated time slot). I also have another timer within arm’s reach to time exercises, such as pair shares or break activities.
I used to wear a watch to keep track of time, but this required too much mental energy to figure out how much time I had left.
Here’s the thing: presenting to a room full of people takes a lot of mental energy. This means you need to find ways to save your brainpower wherever possible. Using digital timers to keep track of time is an effective method to conserve mental energy.
Being an effective public speaker is all about removing barriers between you and the audience. If there’s a podium that everyone has been presenting behind, don’t be afraid to go against the norm and step out in front of that podium to present.
By performing this simple move, your audience will instantly feel more connected to you.
Some speakers feel constrained by the podium as their laptop or microphone is placed there. But there are simple and effective technologies you can use to free yourself from feeling tied to this spot.
Most venues have handheld microphones you can use. If not, you can project your voice.
How do you deal with being far from your laptop and clicking ahead to the next slide?
Consider investing in a remote clicker (I use this one). Trust me, this will be money well spent.
One thing that can disrupt the flow of a good talk is when a presenter says, “Next slide, please” or “Can you go back a few slides, please?” and then waits for someone near the laptop to click through the slides.
A clicker allows you to experience total freedom as you deliver a presentation. You can move around the space and maintain control of your slides.
Perfect is boring. Perfect stops you from growing and trying new things.
Think of a lot of TED talk speakers. They are often coached to have a certain polished style.
But the best TED talks are when people bring their own style to the table. They don’t try to be like the other TED speakers. They are fully themselves.
At the end of the day, people want to connect with a human they can relate to. Perfect is unrelatable.
So, don’t fall into the perfection trap. Instead, follow Scott Berkun’s advice and “avoid the mistake of trying to make no mistakes”.
Accept that you will make mistakes. And when you make a mistake, don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh it off and keep things moving (see point 2).
You must practice your talk before giving it. Please don’t do a dry run on your audience.
In the book Confessions of a Public Speaker, Scott Berkun says:
“Practice until it feels good. Anything you plan to do in your talk must be practised. If you get a new laptop, remote or presentation software, give those things runs well in advance.”
Let me be clear: you are not practising to be perfect. You are practising so you know how to transition from one point to the next.
You are practising so you are confident with your content. The more confident you are, the easier it is to connect with your audience (and deal with hecklers).
Practise sessions also allow you to safely make mistakes and correct them.
So, when it comes to practising your talk, when and where should you do this?
If you can, practice in the conditions of the actual talk. Here’s an example from my own life . . .
A few months ago, I had to deliver an online session for a fashion company based in New York City. This meant I would be presenting at 11pm (not my usual presenting time).
I’m not exactly a night owl, so I was nervous about how I’d go about presenting at this late hour.
A week before the talk, I decided to do a practice session at 11pm. I got up from bed and noticed I could barely string a sentence together. Uh-oh. What was I going to do?
I decided to try having a long power nap at 8pm, wake up, and then do 20 minutes of exercise before practising the presentation.
Through trial and error, I discovered a sequence of behaviours that worked, allowing me to present late at night. When it came to doing the actual presentation, I felt alert and energised. I was able to present from 11pm to 12:20am with relative ease and good energy.
But had I not practised under those conditions, the talk could have very easily been a flop.
It’s normal to feel nervous before a talk. However, you need to find ways to release that nervous energy before presenting, so you appear natural and at ease with the audience.
If you’re visibly nervous, this can make your audience feel on edge and concerned for your wellbeing. This isn’t a great experience for them, and there’s a good chance it will interfere with their ability to absorb what you have to say.
I’ve found that the best way to release nervous energy is to move my body on the morning of a presentation.
A 20-minute run or ride usually does the job at releasing 90% of my nervous energy. Another 5% is usually cleared with a 3-minute deep breathing exercise.
As for the final 5%? I accept that some nerves before a talk are a good thing. I choose to view those nerves as excitement rather than fear.
The final 5% of nervous energy keeps me alert and on my toes, ready for anything that may come my way during the presentation.
The key is to stay in the moment when you’re presenting. Focus on what’s happening in the here and now. Don’t worry about the next part of your talk or the bit you stuffed up earlier. If you can just be in the present and concentrate on what you need to say at this moment, it will help keep your anxiety levels down.
I recommend experimenting with different practices to see what works best for you in terms of releasing nervous energy.
Public speaking skills are like a muscle: the more you work them, the better and more dynamic you’ll be when delivering presentations. There are simple things you can do (and stop doing) to hone and refine your public speaking skills.
The most important thing is that you don’t focus on delivering a perfect presentation. Making mistakes is inevitable. What matters most is that you learn from the experience and continue to grow and improve your speaking skills.
My public speaking journey has been a wild and exciting ride. When you approach speaking with a playful spirit and accept the fact that you can’t control everything, it doesn’t feel so scary. It feels more like a fun adventure.
“Duble herma of Socrates and Seneca Antikensammlung Berlin 03” by Calidius is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0. (used in Image 2)
“Windows 7 robot” by randychiu is licensed under CC BY 2.0. (used in Image 6)
When you feel slightly bored, do you feel a reflexive, gravitational pull to check your phone?
If you spend hours each day clicking, scrolling, and posting, I want you to know that it’s not your fault.
It’s not that your weak willed, lacking discipline, or a lazy person.
It’s none of these things.
It’s no mystery or secret why so many people waste so much time on social media. Like a poker machine, these platforms are designed to be highly addictive.
Apps like TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, SnapChat, X (formerly Twitter) and YouTube contain persuasive design features that hijack your most valuable and precious resources: your time, energy, and attention.
Because the more time we spend on their apps, the more data they can extract and sell for social influence.
The business model of Big Tech companies is simple: Keep people glued to their platforms for as many hours a day as possible.
In other words, your time and attention equal massive profits for these companies.
In his excellent book The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Dr Jonathan Haidt presents data showing teens aged 13-18 spend an average of six to eight hours every day on social media apps. That’s close to 50 hours a week.
Dr Haidt notes that this is just the time spent on the app. It doesn’t factor in the time spent thinking about social media while they multitask in the real world.
So, that’s 50+ hours that could have been spent outside in nature, learning a language, working a part-time (or full-time) job, making art, cooking, exercising, getting more sleep, and hanging out with friends.
Let’s also not forget that these apps intervere with and harm our wellbeing and ability to think and learn.
The multi-tasking that takes place as we engage with these apps throughout the day drains our brainpower, weakens our memory, and makes us tense and anxious.
The social comparisons we engage in on these platforms also warps our perception of reality and leaves us feeling like we’re not enough.
So, here’s something to consider . . .
It’s possible, and I’m going to show you how.
I recently discovered a simple tool that helps people stop mindlessly consuming social media and other addictive apps.
It’s an app called one sec.
one sec is a self-nudging tool that helps you to create barriers to Big Tech that align with your goals and values.
As you open up an addictive app, one sec intervenes by creating a 10-second delay in opening the app.
one sec creates the little bit of friction needed to make you pause and reconsider your behaviour.
After the delay, one sec presents you with a choice: Do you want to proceed with opening up the target app (e.g., TikTok)? Or close the app and do something else?
The creators of one sec explain it works by utilising three intervention strategies:
It’s important to highlight that you’re in control of the whole experience. You specify what apps you want one sec to target. You can also modify the time delay (making it shorter or longer) and change the deliberate messaging.
Or is it just another gimmicky product that fails to change your behaviour in a significant way?
I’ve been experimenting with this app for the last month, and I’m pleased to say it’s working for me!
Even though I don’t have social media and the wicked algorithms that come with them, I recently noticed that I was spending far too much time in group chats.
one sec has helped me be more intentional and deliberate with how I engage with these chat groups.
Instead of mindlessly checking these apps whenever I have time to kill, I now have dedicated periods when I engage with them. I’m following Dr Faye Begeti’s advice when she recommends in her book The Phone Fix to “Set a finite number of times for checking social media, condensing a large number of short checks into defined, longer ones.”
This is what one sec has helped me to do, and as a result, my focus and well-being have improved. I feel calmer. My days feel longer and less frenetic.
But I realise I’m a sample size of one. Plus, I’m highly motivated to reduce my time on addictive apps.
The short answer is yes.
This research study found the app one sec helped people to significantly decrease their social media consumption.
In this study, 280 participants used the one sec app for a six-week period. Here’s what the researchers found:
36% of the time participants attempted to open a target app, they chose to close the app using one sec (i.e., they did not proceed with using the target app).
Over time, participants also opened the target apps less.
Opening problematic apps less or choosing to close problematic apps before engaging with them is actually a really big deal. Here’s why . . .
Less engagement with these addictive apps means less hits of dopamine.
Every quick and easy hit of dopamine you get from social media leads you to crave more stimulation from these apps. Before you know it, you’re in a full blown dopamine driven feedback loop.
Whenever I’m stuck in a dopamine loop, I’m not #livingmybestlife. Far from it! I feel overstimulated, chaotic, and jittery. Here’s why . . .
In his book How to Calm Your Mind, Chris Bailey explains that the brain networks for dopamine and calm are anti-correlated.
What does this mean?
It means when the dopamine network is activated, the calm network isn’t.
Imagine every time you mindlessly reach for your phone to check social media, you’re moving further and further away from a state of calm.
This may explain why participants in the one sec study reported experiencing increased satisfaction and happiness after decreasing their consumption of problematic apps.
The main intervention features (i.e., the time delay and option to not proceed with the target app) will help you decrease your consumption of addictive apps.
But there are many other features available with this app.
As you explore the additional features, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. There’s a lot of extra bells and whistles. For example, there is the “Don’t get lost” notifications (i.e., scheduled reminders to close the target app when you are using it) and website blocking.
But like a lot of things in life, more features don’t necessarily result in a better user experience.
Ultimately, I decided to follow BJ Fogg’s behaviour design principle of ‘Simplicity changes behaviour’. I stuck with using just the basic features of this app.
I knew if I overcomplicated the app, I probably wouldn’t use it.
All that being said, there were two additional features I incorporated:
I use the strict block feature every day. To be clear, the strict block feature is not to be confused with the basic block feature. What’s the difference?
If you select a basic block, you’re not really blocking yourself from the app. But there’s a barrier in place. If you try to open the target app, it brings up the following message:
“Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to stop this block?”
Whereas a strict block is a genuine bona fide block. You cannot use your target apps until the block is over.
If you have developed a mindless habit of reaching for your phone and checking certain apps, you need a strict block in place until your brain has had a chance to recalibrate itself.
Here is the tiny habit I created to give my brain a chance to rewire to lower hit of dopamine from my smartphone:
After I pick up my phone in the morning, I will open one sec and press strict block for six hours.
Activating a strict block means I’m in charge for the first six hours of my day (and the addictive apps are not running the show). This sets the tone for the day and puts me in proactive mode rather than chasing quick hits of dopamine. It also helps me stay calm and grounded.
A word of warning:
Even when you feel like you have regained control over your target apps, you must remain vigilant. It’s super easy to get drawn back into a dopamine-driven feedback loop.
The journal prompt is simple and effective. Before accessing the target apps, I am prompted to write about what I have done and what I feel grateful for.
I write 25 words before proceeding to the target app. This gives me a moment to reflect, which is always a worthwhile practice.
There is a free version of one sec you can use, but it limits you to applying one sec to only one target app.
If you have multiple addictive apps on your phone (as most of us do), I recommend the paid version to unlock all the features.
It costs $25AUD for the year, which is value for money if you ask me. The app has already paid for itself in terms of the time, energy, and attention I’ve reclaimed.
I should mention that I had trouble initially installing one sec and getting it to work on the target apps. The process was a little finicky, and I nearly gave up after 20 minutes of trying to figure out how to get the app to work.
You can find similar intervention apps that are free and easier to install, such as ScreenZen. ScreenZen appears to be based on similar mechanisms (i.e., introducing a time delay and friction to the target app).
My brother recently started using ScreenZen to help combat his mindless habit of scrolling through social media. When I asked for his thoughts on this self-nudging app, he said, “It’s annoying.” But then he quickly added, “But that’s the point. It’s annoying, and that’s why you use the apps less.”
Another great feature of ScreenZen is that after spending seven minutes on the target app, it puts a stopping mechanism in place by prompting you to think about if you want to keep using the app.
I don’t think anyone consciously sets a goal to spend 20, 30, or 50+ hours a week on social media. But if you don’t have strategies to combat the addictive apps on your phone, one thing is certain: Big Tech companies will hijack your time, energy, and attention.
As Michael Harris states in his book The End of Absence:
“Never forget that you live in an ecosystem designed to disrupt you, and it will take you for a ride if you let it.”
So, don’t be taken for a ride. You can easily access self-nudging tools, such as one sec and ScreenZen, to help you defend your time, energy, and attention.
Think of the things you’ve always wanted to do but tell yourself, “I don’t have the time. I’m too busy”. What if you could reclaim a significant chunk of time to do those things today? Would it be worth taking a chance on a self-nudging app?
You’ve got nothing to lose except potentially $25.
I encourage you to test out one of these apps to protect your most precious resources (i.e., your time, energy, and attention).
Note: In case you’re wondering, I have not been paid or sponsored by one sec to write this article.
Dr Jane Genovese delivers interactive and engaging study skills sessions for Australian secondary schools. She has worked with thousands of secondary students, parents, teachers and lifelong learners over the past 15 years.
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