The art of taming negative emotions: 10 ways to feel better

taming emotions

Are you struggling to get work done at home? Find yourself procrastinating?

Before you start googling ‘Time management techniques’, consider this . . .

According to Associate Professor Tim Pychyl, procrastination isn’t a time management issue. It’s actually an emotion management issue.

This means if you can get a better handle on your emotions, in particular anxiety, fear and overwhelm, then you can get a better handle on procrastination.

Your emotions are running the show

Most of us like to think our everyday behaviour is guided by rational decision making processes. But that’s just not the case.

Who’s running the show most of the time? Our emotions.

Our emotions affect pretty much everything we do (e.g. our ability to focus, think, learn, get stuff done and our interactions with others). Given this fact, it makes sense to get a better handle on them.

The problem is some emotions aren’t fun to feel.

Most of us haven’t been taught how to manage our emotions effectively. So we live in a world where the vast majority of people just sweep their feelings under the carpet and soldier on. But this comes at a cost to our wellbeing.

Psychologist Lidia Genovese (creator of the program Changing Tracks) states:

“It’s important for us to remember that all feelings are okay – whether they’re positive or negative. Feelings are important information telling us how a situation affects us. Sometimes feelings are messages we’re in danger. Usually though, feelings are just messages about the way we think about a situation.”

“We want to be more of aware of them, so we can understand what they are trying to tell us and use them to help make better decisions rather than worse ones.”

Here’s the thing about emotions . . .

When you name them, you tame them.

Talking about your emotions can help you grapple with them. Once you recognise what you’re feeling (“Oh . . .I’m feeling a bit flat”), you can then do something about it.

You can be in action to shift yourself out of a negative state and into a much better place.

How to shift negative emotions

Below are some simple actions that can help shift negative emotions.

1. Shinrin-yoku (Nature bathe)

Nature bathe

In Japan, doctors prescribe their patients Shrinrin-yoku: time in nature. Medical practitioner and researcher on nature bathing Dr Qing Li at Tokyo’s Nippon Medical School explains:

“This is not exercise, or hiking, or jogging. It is simply being in nature, connecting with it through our senses of sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch. Shinrin-yoku is like a bridge. By opening our senses, it bridges the gap between us and the natural world”.

He goes onto to state:

“… even a small amount of time in nature can have an impact on our health. A two-hour forest bath will help you to unplug from technology and slow down. It will bring you into the present moment and de-stress and relax you.”

2. Do a 3-minute tidy

There’s something quite soothing and liberating about tidying up a pile of mess. As Keith Bradford states in his book Life Hacks:

“When you’re feeling down or depressed, do some cleaning. Straightening out the physical aspects of your life can also bring clarity to the mental ones.”

But don’t try tackling the whole house or an entire room all at once. Just select one small messy area of your house, set a timer for 3 minutes and do as much as you can in that time.

3. Have a healthy snack

Feeling hangry (i.e. hungry and angry)? Low on energy? Chances are your blood sugar levels are low. And they need a boost! So it’s time to perk yourself up with some snacks.

My favourite energy boosting snack is a homemade smoothie. But if smoothies aren’t really your thing, try these healthy snack ideas:

• Homemade popcorn (avoid the chemical packet stuff, make your own here)
• A piece of fruit
• Some veggie sticks with dip
• A date with nut butter
• A handful of mixed nuts

4. Take a nap

power nap

Find a comfy position, block the light (eye mask and/or close curtains) and say to yourself, “Sleepy time!”. Don’t worry about falling into a deep sleep. The fact you’re resting is what will lead to a reduction in stress and mental fatigue.

5. Have a shower

Find yourself still in your pyjamas or track pants at lunch time? Force yourself to have a shower, get dressed in clean clothes and put on some shoes. Feeling clean can give you a boost in productivity and make you feel so much better.

6. Crank up the music and move

Dancing is a great way to discharge any weird energy and emotions running through your body. So jump on Spotify or YouTube and find a song that you like. Now turn up the volume, close the door and dance! If you’re unsure what dance moves to do, just jump up and down on the spot.

Don’t like dancing? No problem!

Find some other form of movement you like doing and weave it into your day. It could be walking the dog, vacuuming the floor or a bike ride.

Bottom line is this: for your own sanity, you need to move everyday.

7. Power pose

Research by Amy Cuddy has found striking a power pose for just 2 minutes can decrease stress and boost your confidence. Find a boss style pose that feels good for you and try holding it for 2 minutes. This may feel like a really long time, so I like to play some music and switch poses at the one-minute mark.

8. Talk to your brain in a gentle way

Research shows giving yourself a hard time and negative self talk (e.g. “You’re stupid! Pull yourself together!”) isn’t particularly motivating. It actually has the opposite effect (i.e. making you feel unmotivated).

In his book Everything Is F*cked: A Book about Hope, Mark Manson suggests we talk to our ‘feeling brain’ in a gentle way. He says:

“Instead of bombarding the Feeling Brain with facts and reason, start by asking how it’s feeling. Say something like, “Hey Feeling Brain, how do you feel about going to the gym today?” or “How do you feel about changing careers?” or “How do you feel about selling everything and moving to Tahiti?”

Treat your brain like a friend you respect and admire. Be kind to it.

9. Breathe deeply (repeat three times)

Think of this strategy as a mini mindfulness meditation. Research shows by practising meditation on a regular basis you can decrease stress and improve your ability to regulate your emotions and focus.

“I’m no good at meditation!”, I hear you say.

But as Mark Manson says:

“There is no getting good. That’s the whole point. You are supposed to suck at it. Just accept the suckage. Embrace the suckage. Love the suckage.”

On that note, here’s how this mini meditation works . . .

Finished doing a task? Before you rush off to do the next thing on your list, pause and take a deep breath in. Then sigh the breath out. Do this two more times. Breathing in . . . Breathing out . . . breathing in . . . and out . . .

Do this whenever you feel like. Aim to do it 20+ times a day.

10. Activate your senses

Activate your senses

In Monash University’s free online course Mindfulness for Wellbeing and Peak Performance the following exercise is recommended:

1. Pause for a moment
2. Look around and notice 3 things that you can see
3. Listen carefully and notice 3 things that you can hear
4. Notice 3 things that you can feel in contact with your body (e.g. clothing on your legs and your feet on the ground)

This simple activity helps you to activate your senses, get grounded in you body and come back to the present moment.

Other ways you can activate your senses include: holding an ice-block, smelling some herbs from the garden, or doing some simple stretches.

To sum up

We find ourselves in challenging times, so it’s easy for our emotions to go a little haywire from time to time. If you find yourself feeling a little bit off, instead of beating yourself up, be in action. Try these simple self care strategies to help bring yourself back into balance and regain a sense of control over your life.

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One sec app

 

Are you happy with how much time you spend on your phone?

When you feel slightly bored, do you feel a reflexive, gravitational pull to check your phone?

If you spend hours each day clicking, scrolling, and posting, I want you to know that it’s not your fault.

It’s not that your weak willed, lacking discipline, or a lazy person.

It’s none of these things.

It’s no mystery or secret why so many people waste so much time on social media. Like a poker machine, these platforms are designed to be highly addictive.

Apps like TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, SnapChat, X (formerly Twitter) and YouTube contain persuasive design features that hijack your most valuable and precious resources: your time, energy, and attention.

 

Why are these Big Tech companies in an arms race to capture and hold people’s attention?

Because the more time we spend on their apps, the more data they can extract and sell for social influence.

The business model of Big Tech companies is simple: Keep people glued to their platforms for as many hours a day as possible.

In other words, your time and attention equal massive profits for these companies.

In his excellent book The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Dr Jonathan Haidt presents data showing teens aged 13-18 spend an average of six to eight hours every day on social media apps. That’s close to 50 hours a week.

 

 

Dr Haidt notes that this is just the time spent on the app. It doesn’t factor in the time spent thinking about social media while they multitask in the real world.

So, that’s 50+ hours that could have been spent outside in nature, learning a language, working a part-time (or full-time) job, making art, cooking, exercising, getting more sleep, and hanging out with friends.

Let’s also not forget that these apps intervere with and harm our wellbeing and ability to think and learn.

The multi-tasking that takes place as we engage with these apps throughout the day drains our brainpower, weakens our memory, and makes us tense and anxious.

The social comparisons we engage in on these platforms also warps our perception of reality and leaves us feeling like we’re not enough.

So, here’s something to consider . . .

 

What if you could protect your time, energy and attention from social media companies?

It’s possible, and I’m going to show you how.

I recently discovered a simple tool that helps people stop mindlessly consuming social media and other addictive apps.

It’s an app called one sec.

one sec is a self-nudging tool that helps you to create barriers to Big Tech that align with your goals and values.

 

 

Here’s how it works:

As you open up an addictive app, one sec intervenes by creating a 10-second delay in opening the app.

one sec creates the little bit of friction needed to make you pause and reconsider your behaviour.

After the delay, one sec presents you with a choice: Do you want to proceed with opening up the target app (e.g., TikTok)? Or close the app and do something else?

The creators of one sec explain it works by utilising three intervention strategies:

  • Creating friction (i.e., the time delay)
  • Giving you the option to not proceed and close the target app
  • Deliberate messaging

 

It’s important to highlight that you’re in control of the whole experience. You specify what apps you want one sec to target. You can also modify the time delay (making it shorter or longer) and change the deliberate messaging.

The question is, does this app work?

Or is it just another gimmicky product that fails to change your behaviour in a significant way?

I’ve been experimenting with this app for the last month, and I’m pleased to say it’s working for me!

Even though I don’t have social media and the wicked algorithms that come with them, I recently noticed that I was spending far too much time in group chats.

one sec has helped me be more intentional and deliberate with how I engage with these chat groups.

Instead of mindlessly checking these apps whenever I have time to kill, I now have dedicated periods when I engage with them. I’m following Dr Faye Begeti’s advice when she recommends in her book The Phone Fix to “Set a finite number of times for checking social media, condensing a large number of short checks into defined, longer ones.”

This is what one sec has helped me to do, and as a result, my focus and well-being have improved. I feel calmer. My days feel longer and less frenetic.

But I realise I’m a sample size of one. Plus, I’m highly motivated to reduce my time on addictive apps.

Is one sec effective in helping others to reduce their social media consumption?

The short answer is yes.

This research study found the app one sec helped people to significantly decrease their social media consumption.

 

 

In this study, 280 participants used the one sec app for a six-week period. Here’s what the researchers found:

36% of the time participants attempted to open a target app, they chose to close the app using one sec (i.e., they did not proceed with using the target app).

 

 

Over time, participants also opened the target apps less.

 

 

Opening problematic apps less or choosing to close problematic apps before engaging with them is actually a really big deal. Here’s why . . .

Less engagement with these addictive apps means less hits of dopamine.

Every quick and easy hit of dopamine you get from social media leads you to crave more stimulation from these apps. Before you know it, you’re in a full blown dopamine driven feedback loop.

Whenever I’m stuck in a dopamine loop, I’m not #livingmybestlife. Far from it! I feel overstimulated, chaotic, and jittery. Here’s why . . .

In his book How to Calm Your Mind, Chris Bailey explains that the brain networks for dopamine and calm are anti-correlated.

What does this mean?

It means when the dopamine network is activated, the calm network isn’t.

Imagine every time you mindlessly reach for your phone to check social media, you’re moving further and further away from a state of calm.

This may explain why participants in the one sec study reported experiencing increased satisfaction and happiness after decreasing their consumption of problematic apps.

 

Other one sec features worth exploring

The main intervention features (i.e., the time delay and option to not proceed with the target app) will help you decrease your consumption of addictive apps.

But there are many other features available with this app.

As you explore the additional features, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. There’s a lot of extra bells and whistles. For example, there is the “Don’t get lost” notifications (i.e., scheduled reminders to close the target app when you are using it) and website blocking.

But like a lot of things in life, more features don’t necessarily result in a better user experience.

Ultimately, I decided to follow BJ Fogg’s behaviour design principle of ‘Simplicity changes behaviour’. I stuck with using just the basic features of this app.

I knew if I overcomplicated the app, I probably wouldn’t use it.

All that being said, there were two additional features I incorporated:

1. Strict Block Feature

I use the strict block feature every day. To be clear, the strict block feature is not to be confused with the basic block feature. What’s the difference?

If you select a basic block, you’re not really blocking yourself from the app. But there’s a barrier in place. If you try to open the target app, it brings up the following message:

 

“Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to stop this block?”

 

Whereas a strict block is a genuine bona fide block. You cannot use your target apps until the block is over.

If you have developed a mindless habit of reaching for your phone and checking certain apps, you need a strict block in place until your brain has had a chance to recalibrate itself.

Here is the tiny habit I created to give my brain a chance to rewire to lower hit of dopamine from my smartphone:

 

After I pick up my phone in the morning, I will open one sec and press strict block for six hours.

 

Activating a strict block means I’m in charge for the first six hours of my day (and the addictive apps are not running the show). This sets the tone for the day and puts me in proactive mode rather than chasing quick hits of dopamine. It also helps me stay calm and grounded.

 

A word of warning:

Even when you feel like you have regained control over your target apps, you must remain vigilant. It’s super easy to get drawn back into a dopamine-driven feedback loop.

 

2. The Journal Prompt Feature

The journal prompt is simple and effective. Before accessing the target apps, I am prompted to write about what I have done and what I feel grateful for.

I write 25 words before proceeding to the target app. This gives me a moment to reflect, which is always a worthwhile practice.

 

 

Free alternatives to one sec

There is a free version of one sec you can use, but it limits you to applying one sec to only one target app.

If you have multiple addictive apps on your phone (as most of us do), I recommend the paid version to unlock all the features.

It costs $25AUD for the year, which is value for money if you ask me. The app has already paid for itself in terms of the time, energy, and attention I’ve reclaimed.

I should mention that I had trouble initially installing one sec and getting it to work on the target apps. The process was a little finicky, and I nearly gave up after 20 minutes of trying to figure out how to get the app to work.

You can find similar intervention apps that are free and easier to install, such as ScreenZen. ScreenZen appears to be based on similar mechanisms (i.e., introducing a time delay and friction to the target app).

My brother recently started using ScreenZen to help combat his mindless habit of scrolling through social media. When I asked for his thoughts on this self-nudging app, he said, “It’s annoying.” But then he quickly added, “But that’s the point. It’s annoying, and that’s why you use the apps less.”

Another great feature of ScreenZen is that after spending seven minutes on the target app, it puts a stopping mechanism in place by prompting you to think about if you want to keep using the app.

 

Final thoughts

I don’t think anyone consciously sets a goal to spend 20, 30, or 50+ hours a week on social media. But if you don’t have strategies to combat the addictive apps on your phone, one thing is certain: Big Tech companies will hijack your time, energy, and attention.

As Michael Harris states in his book The End of Absence:

 

“Never forget that you live in an ecosystem designed to disrupt you, and it will take you for a ride if you let it.”

 

So, don’t be taken for a ride. You can easily access self-nudging tools, such as one sec and ScreenZen, to help you defend your time, energy, and attention.

Think of the things you’ve always wanted to do but tell yourself, “I don’t have the time. I’m too busy”. What if you could reclaim a significant chunk of time to do those things today? Would it be worth taking a chance on a self-nudging app?

You’ve got nothing to lose except potentially $25.

I encourage you to test out one of these apps to protect your most precious resources (i.e., your time, energy, and attention).

 

Note: In case you’re wondering, I have not been paid or sponsored by one sec to write this article.

Do you tend to procrastinate?

Procrastination feels heavy.

But what if we could turn combating procrastination into a fun game?

Lately, when I catch myself avoiding a task, I’ll play a little game to see if I can get myself to move in the right direction.

I’ve discovered that it’s best to approach any task with a curious and playful mindset. If you take yourself too seriously, all the joy and fun can get stripped from the process.

Often, when I play this game, I surprise myself because the strategy works! I’ll be off and running with a task I procrastinated on for days.

But sometimes a strategy won’t work. That’s okay. When this happens, I usually take a little break before trying another approach.

I don’t claim to be a grandmaster at playing the game of combating procrastination. But these days, I can catch myself when procrastinating, notice the warning signs, and get moving in the right direction.

In this blog, I share how you can combat procrastination in a fun and playful way to fulfil your intentions and accomplish your goals.

Are you ready to play?

Let’s begin!

Understanding the rules of the game

If you want to play this game of combating procrastination, you first need to understand what procrastination is and the rules of the game.

I recommend you play this game on your own so you’re not competing against anyone else. There’s no first or second place, no runners-up, and no one wins a trophy.

You can play with others, but it’s a collaborative game where you cheer each other on and gently coach each other into action.

It’s also a game that never ends because the work never ends. You are constantly learning and growing.


What is procrastination?

In her book ‘Procrastination: What it is, why it’s a problem and what you can do about it’ Dr Fuschia Sirois defines procrastination as:

“ . . . a common self regulation problem involving the unnecessary and voluntary delay in the start or completion of important intended tasks despite the recognition that this delay may have negative consequences.”


In other words, procrastination is:

Delaying a task + you know you are causing your Future Self pain and suffering.

There are some simple rules you need to understand to combat procrastination. Once you cement these rules in your brain, life becomes easier. Instead of experiencing constant resistance, you discover ease and flow.

Rule 1: Sit with the discomfort

Difficult work tends to bring up unpleasant emotions, such as boredom, stress, anxiety, fear, and frustration.

Most of us don’t like experiencing these feelings, so to repair our mood, we procrastinate. We avoid work and engage in easier, more fun tasks (e.g., scrolling through social media).

At the heart of combating procrastination is allowing yourself to sit with unpleasant feelings and push past them. Resist the urge to run to your devices. If you can do this, that’s 80% of the battle.

Pushing through the discomfort and making a start is a significant milestone worth celebrating.

Rule 2: Make your first move before you feel ready

Often, we wait for the perfect time to start a task. But it’s an illusion that there is a perfect time.

The perfect time is right now, amid the messiness and chaos of life.

“But I’m not feeling motivated!” I hear you say.

That’s okay. Make a start regardless of how you feel because here’s the part most people don’t understand:

Motivation follows action

In other words, you have to get moving for motivation to show up.

Rule 3: Use strategies and tools to help you make your first move

There are many great strategies and tools that can help you get started with a task, even when your motivation levels are low.

Once you have a selection of strategies and tools and you’ve practised using them a few times, you will feel more confident in your ability to combat procrastination.

Winning strategies and tools

Here are a few of my favourite strategies and tools for getting started with my work:

1. Move your body

Fear is a significant driver of procrastination: fear that you won’t be able to do it, fear of failure, and fear of the unknown.

When you move your body, you decrease fear and anxiety. Movement can also help to calm and focus your mind and boost positive emotions.

This is why I start my day with a 20-30 minute run on my treadmill. It bathes my brain in feel-good chemicals, makes me feel stronger, and prepares me for the challenging work I’m about to face.

2. Just do 10 minutes

When a task feels big and overwhelming, it’s easy to procrastinate. But can you do 10 minutes on the task?

When I set a timer for 10 minutes, my brain thinks, “I can do 10 minutes. Easy!”

My brain then knows the task (and the unpleasant feelings) won’t last forever. The worst-case scenario is I experience 10 minutes of mild to moderate discomfort. When the timer goes off, I have a way out. I can do something else.

But what usually happens is after 10 minutes, I realise the task isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The motivation has kicked in, and I’m on a roll.

3. Give yourself permission to do a rubbish job

When struggling to write my PhD, I attended a workshop led by an academic coach. She encouraged me to “Write crap” (her words, not mine).

This helped me to get over the perfection hump and make a start.

Most (if not all) great works started as rough drafts. The problem is we don’t see those rough early versions. We only see the polished final product. This messes with our minds and can lead to perfectionist tendencies kicking in.

Embrace the first messy draft. Celebrate it! You have to do it to get to the good stuff.


4. The Slow-but-don’t-stop technique

In the book ‘Everything in its Place’, Dan Charnas recommends the ‘Slow-but-don’t-stop’ technique for doing things you don’t want to do.

Here’s how it works:

If you’re feeling resistance towards a task, start doing it, but move very slowly. Breathe into the discomfort. Take your time.

Charnas writes that as you use this technique:

“You’ll still hate it [the task] but your task has become a moving meditation or like a game.”

For example, I used this strategy on the weekend to sort my laundry. The first step was to pick up the basket full of clothes and place it on my bed. Then, I picked up one item at a time and put them into piles (e.g., socks, activewear, and undies). I then selected a pile of items (socks) and dealt with one item at a time.

I’d usually rush to fold my clothes and feel slightly annoyed by the whole process (“Ugh, what a chore!”), but this time, it felt different. It felt like a meditation. I felt calm and grounded as I folded my socks.

The beauty of this technique is that the work will still get done, but as Charnas points out, you don’t give up control. You still have forward momentum.

As the Mexican proverb goes:

“An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.”

5. Make your environment less ‘procrastinogenic’

Are there things in your workspace that distract you? Is there anything that reminds you of more fun stuff you could be doing (e.g., a video game console or your phone)?

Please get rid of those things or make them harder to access.

My phone is my biggest distraction. This is why I keep it away from my body in another room whenever I need to do focused work.

6. Use the Five-Second Rule

I’m currently experimenting with Mel Robbin’s 5-Second Rule. The 5-Second Rule is simple:

The moment you have the instinct to do a task before your brain can come up with an excuse not to do it, you count backwards ‘5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1!’ and you do it.

In her book ‘The 5 Second Rule’ Robbins explains the psychology underpinning the strategy. She writes:

“The counting distracts you from your excuses and focuses your mind on moving in a new direction. When you physically move instead of stopping to think, your physiology changes and your mind falls in line . . . the Rule is (in the language of habit research) a “starting ritual” that activates the prefrontal cortex, helping to change your behavior.”

7. Create a habit

The ultimate way to combat procrastination is to create a habit or a ritual. You need something that signals to your brain it’s time to engage in a particular behaviour.

With habits, you don’t have to stop and think, “What do I need to do now?”. Habits are automatic. Your brain knows exactly what it needs to do, and you do it.

For example, I have a habit of running on my treadmill before I launch into my day. My brain knows that after I put on my gym clothes and shoes, I turn on my treadmill and hit the speed button to start my warm-up.

I carry these behaviours out even when I’m not in the mood to run. That’s the power of habits.

What if you’re still procrastinating?

Then, I suggest you cut yourself some slack.

Forgive yourself for procrastinating, pick a strategy, and get moving.

Most of us don’t do this, though.

We bag ourselves out in an attempt to motivate ourselves. The problem is this rarely works.

Dr Sirois says that intense self-criticism leads to negative thoughts, which lead to negative feelings. We end up feeling demotivated, which causes us to procrastinate even more!

You can stop the vicious cycle of procrastination by practising being kind to yourself.

To sum up

If you follow these simple rules and be playful with experimenting with these strategies, you can get a better handle on procrastination.

Like anything in life, the key is practice. The more you practice allowing yourself to feel the unpleasant emotions instead of running from them, the better you’ll do. The more times you practice a strategy, the more natural it will feel and the sooner it will become a habit.

One foot in front of the other. You can do this.

You know you need to prepare for exams, but you tell yourself, “I’ve have plenty of time”.

But how much time do you actually have?

It’s hard to get a sense just by thinking “My exam is in three weeks.” After all, three weeks sounds like plenty of time, right?

Don’t be fooled. This is your brain playing tricks on you.

No one ever has a full three weeks (504 hours) to prepare for an exam. Thrown into the mix is time for sleep, getting ready for school or work, working on assignments, socialising with friends and family, etc. Plus, you usually have more than one exam to study for.

But we can forget this. And when we do, we end up procrastinating with our work and it piles up for our future selves to deal with.

What’s missing is that your brain needs clear visual feedback. It needs to have a sense of the big picture (i.e., all your commitments laid out in front of it).

How can you quickly get a sense of the big picture?

By using a year-at-a-glance calendar.

Earlier this year, I printed out a massive year-at-a-glance calendar (A0 size).

I scheduled all my upcoming presentations, holidays, important events (e.g., birthdays), deadlines, etc., onto the calendar and placed it in a prime position where I couldn’t miss it.

This calendar has made all the difference. It grounds me in reality, helps me feel more in control of my schedule, and gives me clear visual feedback. It also makes me think twice before I agree to take on a new project.

In the past, whenever I’ve said yes to a new opportunity, I haven’t always been grounded in reality. Too many times, I’ve been unintentionally cruel to future Jane.

Let me explain . . .

Back in 2016, I was on the home stretch with my PhD. The path forward was clear. After years of struggling with my PhD, the end was in sight. I was on track to hand in my thesis in a few months’ time.

But then something happened that threw me off course (well, erm, I threw myself off course).

I was asked by a company to run a series of workshops. Without even thinking, I said “Yes! I’d love to!”. It seemed like a great opportunity. One that was too good to pass up.

When I shared the news with my PhD supervisor, she seemed to think differently. Her face said it all: a mixture of concern and confusion.

“Why did you say yes to this? Do you need the money? What about your PhD? You’re so close to finishing”, she said.

The truth was I didn’t need the money. I said yes because without having my other commitments staring me in the face, I had all the time in the world. I was engaging in magical (delusional) thinking. I fantasised about having superhuman capabilities and being able to do it all.

I was wrong. There were only so many hours in the day, and something had to give.

To cut a long story short, pretty quickly the magical thinking wore off, and I regretted taking on the job. I had burdened my future self with a ridiculous amount of work and unnecessary stress.

But worst of all, I had delayed handing in my thesis by several months. A few months might not sound like much in the big scheme of things. But when you’ve been plugging away at a PhD for seven years, every month becomes precious. I risked losing momentum.

If I could teleport back in time and place a year-at-a-glance calendar in my office space, I like to think that I would have prioritised my PhD over the shiny new opportunity.

The value of laying things out in physical space

I recently finished reading an excellent book called ‘The Extended Mind: The Power of Thinking Outside the Brain’ by Annie Murphy-Paul.

In this book, Annie explores nine principles for expanding our intelligence (note: these principles are not taught in schools). She argues that instead of pushing our brains to work harder and harder, we can use our bodies, relationships, and surrounding environment to boost our cognitive abilities.

In the chapter called “Thinking with the Space of Ideas”, she writes:

“Whenever possible, we should offload information, externalize it, move it out of our heads and into the world. It relieves us of the burden of keeping a host of details “in the mind,” thereby freeing up mental resources for more demanding tasks like problem solving and idea generation.”

After reading this book, I understood why a year-at-a-glance calendar can be such a powerful tool. Seeing all your projects and commitments in one glance allows you to think smarter and more strategically.

These calendars also help to orient you in time. You can see how much time you have between now and doing the things you need to do.

Your projects and deadlines stare back at you every day. There’s no escaping them.

Seeing your life in this way also helps you to plan and pinpoint busy periods.

Here’s an example . . .

This month, I have more presentations scheduled than usual. This means I need to manage my energy levels, prioritise sleep, and eat healthily.

But a quick glance at my calendar tells me I have a few ‘free’ days before all these talks begin. I can use this time to cook a few meals to pop in the fridge and freezer to make life a little easier during this busier period.

One of the worst things I can do when I get busy is order takeaway food and sacrifice sleep to work. I refuse to do it as it always backfires. If I’m functioning at half capacity, my talks and work will suffer.

These calendars can also provide useful information to help you manage your energy levels, reduce ridiculous workloads, and avoid burnout.

Earlier this year, there was a week when I delivered more talks than usual. During this week, I found myself taking 15-minute power naps between talks to recharge before the next one. Even with all these power naps, by the end of the week, I felt tired. I drew a tired little emoji face on my calendar to represent this.

That tired emoji face is a constant reminder: you have mental and physical limits. Don’t overdo it.

Making your year-at-a-glance calendar

It’s important to find a calendar that is both aesthetically pleasing and functional for you. This means you probably can’t just go to the shops and pick something off the shelf.

You could order a hard copy calendar online, but when the year is already well underway who wants to potentially wait weeks for their calendar to arrive in the mail?

Here are some cheap and fast DIY options:

You can purchase a digital download online and take it to your local print shop on a USB stick. Some templates display the month as a long list of days; whereas other calendars group the month into weeks, with each week on a separate line (see examples below).

Alternatively, you could buy a monthly calendar, cut it up, and stick it together.

One of my friends suggested I try doing this. I gave it a shot, but my calendar looked like a failed arts and crafts project (with messy bits of tape plastered everywhere). Plus, the boxes were too small and cramped my style.

After some trial and error, I purchased a digital download from Etsy for $20AUD and printed it A0 size for $10AUD. All up, my calendar cost me $30AUD – money that was well spent.

The bottom line is you have to figure out what works for you and how much you’re willing to spend.

Tips for using your year-at-a-glance calendar:

• Write on the calendar when all your exams, appointments, special events, and major projects will take place.

• If you don’t yet know the specific dates of each exam, note the week they begin and assume the worst-case scenario (your exams will be sooner rather than later).

• Consider laminating your calendar so you can use whiteboard markers on it.

• If laminating is too expensive, use sticky notes and washi tape instead.

• You can mount your calendar on core-flute material or foam board to give it a sturdier structure.

• Resist the urge to put every detail on your calendar. Focus on the big project deadlines, appointments, exams, etc. The details for what and when you work on each project can go into your weekly planner and/or on your to-do list.

• If you have the wall space, consider printing your calendar A0 size (841mm x 1189mm). You want plenty of space to write in each box.

To sum up

In our noisy world where we are bombarded with endless opportunities, many of us would benefit from embracing analog tools like the year-at-a-glance calendar. These calendars help to ground us in reality and focus our minds on what matters.

If you have a lot going on in your world and find yourself saying “Yes!” to every shiny new opportunity that comes your way, do yourself a favour and create a year-at-a-glance calendar. Having your commitments stare you in the face every day is a simple but powerful way to live with greater focus and intentionality.