The Art of Breaking Bad Habits

You know you should stop chewing your nails, that you don’t get much done when you log onto Facebook and that eating fish and chips from the greasy deli is a really bad idea….but you still do these things anyway.

People usually persist with bad habits because they get some personal satisfaction or reward from engaging in the behaviour.

Let’s face it, bad habits are hard to break. Forming new, healthier habits can be even harder.

According to Dr Nora Volkow the human brain is hard wired to give greater value to an immediate reward as opposed to something that is delayed.

You have a choice: Eat the chocolate now or have a carrot instead?

For most of us, simply knowing that eating the carrot is going to eventually result in weight loss and feeling healthier usually won’t be enough to sway us. What we want is the immediate reward of sugary, delicious chocolate.

And the reason for this can be found in the neurotransmitter dopamine. Dopamine is linked to pleasurable experiences and our perception of positive experiences. So every time you eat a piece of chocolate or a delicious slice of pizza this pleasure sensing chemical is released in the brain.

This dopamine hit acts like a reward to us and reinforces the activity and neural connection in the brain. It is for this reason that we often engage in behaviours in an automatic way without much conscious thought or effort.

The good news is that every day people are successful in changing their behaviour, whether it be foregoing a packet of cigarettes, running on the treadmill or cutting back on junk food. Change is possible.

But how can you effectively break a bad habit? Here are some suggestions from the experts.

Make the behaviour impossible

Researcher Wander Jager believes that the best way to change a habit is to make it impossible. She states “..closing the shopping centre of a town for car traffic can break the habit of shopping by car, and changing the menu of a canteen may break the unhealthy lunching habit”.

I saw this technique used on a group of people suffering from type 1 and 2 diabetes in the documentary, “Simply Raw”. Six individuals were selected to undergo an experiment to see if they could be off their medication and insulin by cutting out fast food and adopting a completely raw food diet over the period of 30 days. To achieve this, they were sent to a retreat in the middle of the Arizona desert (far away from shops and fast food outlets) and served only raw vegan foods.

The thing about this strategy is it doesn’t always work and can sometimes backfire. In the documentary it was interesting to observe one participant became strongly resistant and rebelled against the approach by hitchhiking across the Mexican border to get alcohol and buy Mexican food.

Change and control your environment

The next best and probably the most practical thing you can do to break a bad habit is to change your environment so that the bad habit is less likely to be automatically performed.

The question to ask is – What is it in my environment that is triggering the behaviour (i.e. bad habit)?

For example, if you’re trying to lose weight it doesn’t make sense to have chocolates in your home or office at work.

You see, humans have a certain amount of will power that they have to expend throughout the day. In our low moments, particularly when we are tired and/or stressed or it is later in the day, our ability to regulate our behaviour and emotions significantly decreases.

And it’s in those moments when our will power reserves are running low or on empty that we are most likely to give into the temptation and reach for a chocolate. Therefore, you want to eliminate anything in your environment that will set you back.

Have your environment work for you by creating healthy habit back up plans. For instance, if you’re trying to eat healthier foods, have some chopped up vegetables and freshly washed fruit on standby for those low moments when a junk food craving hits.

Establish a regular routine

This involves getting clear on what it is that you want to do and then doing it over and over and over at a set time or place. Easier said than done, right?

Well, yes and no.

Peter Gollwitzer is an expert on how to make actions automatic and a regular part of one’s routine. His research shows that to make a particular behaviour automatic you must start by selecting the desired behaviour that you want to adopt (e.g. eating more vegetables and doing more physical exercise) and then link this behaviour to a specific situation such as a particular time, place or feeling.

He states –

“The mental act of linking a specific situation to an intended behaviour in the form of an if-then plan leads to automatic action initiation…[the action] does not require conscious intent once the critical situation is encountered”.

So let’s say your desired behaviour is to eat more vegetables. This behaviour could be linked to one of several things – particular meal times (e.g. dinner and morning tea), when at a restaurant browsing over the menu or if a hunger pang hits.

An example of an if-then plan could be as follows – “If it is morning tea, then I will eat a carrot”.

I know, it sounds incredibly simple and straightforward, but the act of committing to this takes the need for any conscious thought and effort out of the equation. The behaviour does indeed become automatic.

Final Thoughts

Bad habits can be hard to break, but there are clear and effective strategies to help you adopt healthier behaviours. By making the habit impossible to engage in, changing your environment and establishing a regular routine through ‘if-then’ plans, it is possible to rewire your brain for the better.

Have you succesfully broken a bad habit? If so, what was it and how did you do it?

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My first car was a dilapidated Suzuki Swift.  

But just to be clear – this car wasn’t in bad shape when I first got it. I turned this car into a jalopy through neglect and ignoring basic warning signs.

Whenever I gave my friends a lift in this car, I remember that they always looked visibly uncomfortable. They’d say with a nervous laugh:

“Jane, what’s that strange rattling sound?”

“Why is there a red warning light on your dashboard?”

I wasn’t fussed about the red light or the strange rattling sound.

Somehow, I’d missed the adulting lesson on basic car maintenance.

For many years, I never bothered to get my car serviced. I drove it to the point where it rattled and shook violently, the engine would cut out while driving, and the brakes squealed at a painfully high pitch.

It got to the point where I could no longer ignore these problems, but by then, it was too late. My car was beyond repair and could only be salvaged for scrap metal.

I’m embarrassed to share this, as that’s no way to treat a car that gets you from A to B and uses the Earth’s finite resources. But stay with me because there’s an important point I want to make, and it’s this. . .

The way that I treated my first car is symbolic of how many people treat their bodies, especially when they’re young.

When I was younger, I engaged in several unhealthy lifestyle practices. Whilst I never smoked, took drugs, or consumed alcohol, I ate huge amounts of processed junk food (I didn’t know how to cook).

I also frequently sacrificed sleep to pull all-nighters to complete my assignments (I struggled with procrastination).

My body seemed resilient. It appeared capable of handling the shocks. But over time, I started feeling tired and rundown. Still, I kept pushing myself like my old car. The only time I could rest was when I got sick.

These days, everything’s quite different.

I am physically unable to thrash my body around like an old jalopy.

Something as simple as consuming too much salt or sugar can send my brain spiralling out of control.

I was reminded of this a couple of weeks ago when I visited a friend in hospital. Because I was spending a lot of time at the hospital, my usual routines of grocery shopping and cooking from scratch were disrupted.

But then to make matters worse, I was given $80 worth of vouchers to spend at the hospital cafeteria. I thought, “How bad can hospital cafeteria food be?”.

It turns out really bad.

Cheese kranskys (sausages), heaps of salty hot chips, deep-fried chicken, and soft drinks were the main options at this hospital cafeteria.

Unhealthy food seemed completely normalised in this hospital environment. My jaw dropped when I saw a patient order not just one but five cheese kransky sausages!

In this hospital setting, I also started to eat poorly. It was on my third day of eating hot chips from the hospital cafeteria when I noticed that these chips weren’t doing me any favours. I was feeling off my game.

So I decided enough was enough. I gave the remaining hospital food vouchers to a homeless man who was hanging around the cafeteria, desperate for a feed. It was back to home cooked meals for me!

Who would have thought some hot chips could wreak so much havoc with my brain and body?

This greasy processed hospital food had a ripple effect on the rest of my life. I slept badly, which impacted my ability to run the next morning (my joints hurt). I felt resistance to using my treadmill desk because everything felt much harder than usual. Since I was moving less, I was more distracted.

I know all this might sound a bit dramatic, especially to those of us who enjoy a few hot chips (e.g., my husband). Given my friend was in a hospital bed and couldn’t walk, I am fully aware of how lucky I am to be able to run in the first place (even with sore joints).

The point I’m trying to make is this . . .

I know what it feels like to feel really good, and I value that feeling. When I feel good, everything feels easier.

I also know that small decisions, like eating too many hot chips or staying up late, can add up and take their toll on your mind and body. These tiny decisions can have a big impact on the way you feel.

When I was younger, I could eat whatever I wanted and still feel pretty good. Sometimes I’d feel a bit off, but not in a noticeable way.

As Dr Randy J Paterson states in his book How to Be Miserable in Your Twenties:

“In your twenties, some people can do practically anything to their bodies, experience no immediate physical consequences, and feel emotionally more or less well. Random sleep cycle, sedentary lifestyle, lousy diet, 90 percent of the day staring at screen, binge-drinking, isolation, the works. The body doesn’t completely fall apart, and the mind, while not thrilled, hangs on.

Later on, the effect is more immediate. Live exactly the same way at thirty-five, at forty-five, and things don’t go so well. Take a middle-aged car and drive it aggressively down jolting roads, loaded to the max, old oil clogging the engine, and it’s not going to last long. The baseline mood at forty-with no maintenance, no exercise, no dietary adjustment, no stability, and no social life- is misery. ”

Like a car, the human body requires regular basic maintenance. I see this basic maintenance as a collection of small behaviours that leave me feeling calm, grounded, and focused.

Here are a few things I need to do to keep myself running smoothly:

  • Engage in high-intensity exercise every morning
  • Limit my intake of salt and refined sugar
  • Be in bed by 9.30pm each night
  • Stay off social media and limit my time looking at screens
  • Give myself the right fuel (i.e., eat lots of plants and wholefoods and drink plenty of water)
  • Minimise my consumption of processed foods
  • Connect with friends and family
  • Avoid sitting for long periods of time
  • Go outside and spend time in nature
  • Give myself fun rest breaks
  • Try to do one thing at a time (multitasking scrambles my brain)

 

Every now and then, I’ll abandon these behaviours. I’ll have a day where I eat and do whatever I like. I’ll order takeaway, sit on the couch and binge-watch a series until late at night. I usually pay for it the next day, but it also gives me a better appreciation of these healthy practices and what they do for my body and mind.

It’s all about tuning in and noticing how certain things make you feel. For example, when I was in my mid-20s, I noticed every time I ate deep-fried chicken, I experienced sharp stomach pains.

That was like the red warning light on my car dashboard going off in my body. But instead of ignoring it, I paid close attention. Eventually, I decided it wasn’t worth the pain. So I stopped buying greasy deep-fried chicken and eventually went plant-based, which immediately improved my mental and physical health.

Final thoughts

There’s no doubt that modern life can be hectic and stressful. When you’re rushing from one thing to another, it’s easy to overlook the basics and ignore the warning signs.

I’m not proud of how I treated my first car, but I learnt from the experience. Now I make sure I get my car serviced regularly. This saves me time, money, and stress in the long run.

Similarly, we need to pay attention to the way in which we look after ourselves. By dedicating time, energy, and attention to the small things that make us feel better, our experience of the present moment becomes richer. As longevity researcher Dan Buettner says, “You can add years to your life and life to your years”.

 

Image Credit

Suzuki Swift 1.3 GTi 1990” by RL GNZLZ is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0. (used in image 1)

Scrap yard 22l3” by Snowmanradio at English Wikipedia (Original text: snowmanradio) is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0. (used in image 2)

KFC Wicked Wings” by avlxyz is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0. (used in image 5)

We all have days when we don’t feel like doing our work.

On these days, the temptation to procrastinate and distract oneself can be strong.

I recently spent a few days with my family in the countryside, where I enjoyed reading by a crackling fire. But when I found myself back home in my office, I struggled to get back into the swing of things.

I was experiencing a full-blown holiday comedown.

For some context, I had printed out the slides for an upcoming presentation that I needed to practise, but I felt resistance every time I looked at the slides.

My mind screamed, “Nooo! I don’t want to practise!”. Without even thinking, I kept pushing the slides away like a toddler smooshing their vegetables around on their plate.

But at some point, I caught myself in the act. Without berating myself, I managed to turn things around and ease into my practice.

In this blog, I’ll share a couple of simple strategies I use to get a better handle on my procrastination and overcome resistance.

 

Strategy 1: Get curious about the resistance

According to Procrastination scholar Tim Pychyl, procrastination isn’t a time management issue. It’s an emotion management issue. If you can get a better handle on your emotions, you’ll have a better handle on procrastination.

Let’s unpack this…

Often, when we procrastinate, it’s because we’re trying to avoid experiencing negative emotions. The task we need to do brings up feelings of discomfort (e.g., boredom, fear, guilt, anxiety, and stress), so we avoid the task to make ourselves feel better.

But avoidance makes no sense when you think about it.

Oliver Burkeman explains the problems associated with avoidance in his book Meditations for Mortals. He writes:

“The more you organise your life around not addressing the things that make you anxious, the more likely they are to develop into serious problems – and even if they don’t, the longer you fail to confront them, the more unhappy time you spend being scared of what might be lurking in the places you don’t want to go. It’s ironic that this is known, in self-help circles, as ‘remaining in your comfort zone’, because there’s nothing comfortable about it. In fact, it entails accepting a constant background tug of discomfort – an undertow of worry that can sometimes feel useful or virtuous, though it isn’t – as the price you pay to avoid a more acute spike of anxiety.”

Dutch Zen Monk Paul Loomans labels the tasks we avoid as ‘gnawing rats’. He says these tasks “eat away at you under the surface”.

Have you noticed that whenever you try to avoid a task, it’s usually still on your mind, using up your precious mental resources?

That’s what Loomans means by the task eating away at you under the surface.

Why does he use the peculiar term ‘gnawing rat’? Looman’s daughter used to have pet rats that would eat loudly under his bed, keeping him awake at night.

Loomans explains that if you can befriend your gnawing rats, you can transform them into white sheep. Just like a white sheep follows you around passively, once you transform a task into a white sheep, it’s a lot easier to make a start.

The question is, how do you transform a ‘gnawing rat’ (a task you are avoiding) into a white sheep?

The key is to approach procrastination from a place of curiosity.

Loomans suggests creating a positive, open relationship with the task you’ve been avoiding. You need to sit with it or visualise the task. Instead of giving yourself a hard time, get curious about why you have such a strained relationship with this task.

Loomans advises:

“… you’re not being asked to immediately do whatever it is that’s gnawing at you. The assignment is only to establish a relationship with it. You let all the various facets sink in and then let them go again.

The rat no longer gnaws at you, and it has settled down. It’s no longer trying to get your attention, but follows quietly behind. It now has white legs and curly fleece – it’s turned into a white sheep.”

I decided to follow Looman’s advice with this presentation I had been avoiding. To begin with, I pulled out my slides and I just sat with them.

I closed my eyes, tuned into my body and asked myself:

“Why am I feeling resistance towards practising this presentation? What’s going on?”

Within 30 seconds, the answer came to me. The resistance came from how I thought I’d feel after doing my speech practice: exhausted and emotionally depleted.

You see, when I practice a presentation, I typically go into turbocharge mode. It’s like I’m delivering the real thing: I gesticulate, project my voice, pace around the room, and rely on my memory and the pictures on my slides to remember the content (I don’t refer to my notes).

All of this takes a lot of mental and physical effort.

So, naturally, when I looked at my slides for this one-hour presentation, I felt flat and heavy.

I equated one hour of presentation practice with having a fried brain by the end.

But then I had a brilliant idea. I thought, “What if this practice session didn’t have to feel like a hard slog? What if it could be fun, light and easy but still effective? What would that look like?”

It immediately occurred to me that I had to shorten my practice session, which brings me to the next strategy . . .

Strategy 2: Go Tiny

To keep my practice session fun, light and easy, I settled on doing just five minutes of speech practice.

Instead of pacing around my office and practising in turbocharge mode for an hour, I sat myself down with a hot chocolate. I set a timer for five minutes, pulled out a mini whiteboard and started recalling the content (scribbling out and drawing pictures of what I needed to say).

When the timer went off, I checked my notes to see how I went (What did I remember? What did I forget to say?).

Then, I checked in with myself – “How am I feeling after that mini practice session?”. Instead of feeling depleted, I was feeling good! I felt less overwhelmed by this presentation. The resistance had subsided. As Paul Loomans would say, the presentation had transformed from a gnawing rat into a white sheep!

I felt excited, even a little inspired.

I could have easily kept practising for another 10-20 minutes, but I decided to give myself a break to re-energise (I got up and walked on the treadmill for 2 minutes).

This gave me insight into the need to vary the intensity and mode of each study session, depending on my energy levels and what I have planned for the rest of the day. Sometimes it’s good to go into turbocharge mode, but not always.

Not every study/work session has to be hardcore. Work sessions that leave you feeling completely drained by the end can be counterproductive. As Professor BJ Fogg says, “Tiny is mighty”.

Why are tiny study sessions powerful?

Firstly, tiny study sessions are less scary for your brain. Five minutes of speech practice and flashcard practice feels easy. You think, “I can do 5 minutes!”.

In contrast, one hour of study feels scary for your brain, which means you’re more likely to procrastinate.

When you go tiny, it’s also easier to give your full focus to the task at hand. Here’s the thing about focus: focusing your mind takes a lot of your brainpower. And you have a limited supply of brainpower!

As you sit there and study, your brainpower gets depleted. But research shows one way to boost your attentional resources (i.e. your brainpower) is by taking regular breaks. If you study in short focused bursts and then take a break, you can stay refreshed and ensure your study sessions are effective.

But most importantly, tiny study sessions help to create momentum, and they leave you feeling good!

I tend to push myself to the point of exhaustion when I practise my talks. But I can see now that this makes it hard for me to want to practise in the future.

By dedicating just 5–10 minutes to the task and enjoying it, I’m more likely to do another 5 minutes (or more) of practice tomorrow. Doing five minutes of practice every day is infinitely better than doing no practice or cramming a long practice session in the day before.

To sum up

You’re not going to go from good to great in one tiny study session. But you can make meaningful progress and create the momentum you need to keep going.

So, don’t turn your nose up at five minutes of flashcard practice or 10 minutes of doing a practice test. If done with focus and intention, that’s a solid study session that can set you on the path to success.

 

Image credit:

Toddler (featured in image 2): “Skeptical” by quinn.anya is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.

Rat: “Fancy rat blaze” by AlexK100 is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.

Students often cringe when they hear two words: goal setting.

I understand this cringe factor.

In high school, goal setting felt forced. I’d think, “Why are they making me do this?” and “What’s the point?”.

However, once I got to university, I realised that goals are a helpful life strategy.

In this article, I want to share my perspective on goal setting and how this strategy has helped me to get things done.

I’m going to tell you:

• What goals are
• Why you’d want to have them
• How to stick at them
• Why you need to protect your goals from destructive outside forces

Let’s go!

What are goals?

Goals are things you want to do. Perhaps you want to write a book, jog around the block every morning, start a podcast, get a part-time job to save money or learn to play an instrument. These are goals.

Why bother setting goals?

• Goals give your life a sense of purpose
• Goals give your life meaning and a reason to get out of bed
• Goals help to focus your mind on what you want/need to do
• Goals help you to create a better, less boring life

As Giovanni Dienstmann explains in his book Mindful Self Discipline:

“We all need to aspire to something and feel that we are going somewhere. Otherwise, there is a sense of boredom in life. Our daily routine feels stale and unengaging. As a result, we seek relief through bad habits, and seek engagement through mindless entertainment, news, social media, games, etc.”

Why is it so hard to persevere with goals?

Have you ever set a goal, you felt excited, but then that excitement quickly dissipated, and you gave up on the goal?

Whenever this happens, it’s easy to think, “Goal setting doesn’t work!”.

However, the problem isn’t with goal setting as a strategy.

The problem is that motivation is completely unreliable (it comes and goes). Plus, you were probably never taught how to achieve your goals in the first place.

In other words, you were set up to fail.

There’s a lot of pretty average advice out there about goal setting. I’ve heard dozens of goal setting pep talks, and many can be summed up like this:

“Set a goal, make it SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound), break it down, blah, blah, blah.”

Most students tune out when they hear these pep talks. You can feel the energy being sucked out of the room.

This advice doesn’t work for most people. And it’s incomplete.

What’s missing from these goal setting pep talks?

I’ve found that the following simple ideas can make a big difference in helping you move from inaction to action when it comes to pursuing your goals:

1. Dial down your expectations: Set the bar low

Achieving big long-term goals requires consistently engaging in small behaviours over time. You need to chip away and develop habits to get there.

For instance, after taking a hiatus from writing books (because I felt stuck and overwhelmed by the idea), I finally started writing down my ideas.

What helped me to get unstuck?

By starting small.

I told myself all I had to do was open the Word document and write one sentence. And the sentence didn’t even have to be good! But I had to do this every single day.

If I wanted to write more than one sentence, I could. But one sentence was my absolute minimum. Most days, I wrote at least a paragraph. But when I didn’t feel great, I would show up and write one sentence.

Nine months later, I had a draft manuscript ready to send to my editor.

2. Swarm of Bs: Brainstorm specific behaviours

Many different behaviours can help you achieve your goal. The first step is to brainstorm all the possible behaviours that can help you move closer to it.

One way to do this is with BJ Fogg’s tool, Swarm of Behaviors (also known as Swarm of Bs).

Here’s what you do:

You write your goal/aspiration/outcome (whatever you want to achieve) in the middle of a sheet of paper. Then, you spend a few minutes listing all the behaviours that will help you achieve it.

Dr Fogg stresses:

“You are not making any decisions or commitments in this step. You are exploring your options. The more behaviors you list, the better.”

When I was brainstorming behaviours that could help me to write my next book, I came up with the following list:

1. Use an Internet blocker app and block myself from distracting websites
2. Carry a notepad and pen with me everywhere I go (to capture ideas)
3. Write one sentence every morning
4. Speak my ideas into a voice recorder when I go for a walk
5. Use the Write or Die app
6. Manage my inner critic (when it strikes, say to myself, “It can’t be all bad!”)
7. Give myself a pep talk each day (e.g., “Done is better than perfect!”)
8. Do Julia Cameron’s morning page activity (i.e., free writing)
9. Attend a writing retreat
10. Sign up for the ‘Turbocharge your writing’ course
11. Pick up a mind map, select an idea and use it as a writing prompt

Once you’ve finished brainstorming potential behaviours, go through your list and select just a few behaviours to get the ball rolling (I selected #1, #3, and #6).

It’s well worth spending a couple of minutes making each of these behaviours ‘crispy’ (i.e., specific). For instance, for Behaviour #1, I decided which websites I would block myself from using and at what times.

3. Expect the process to be messy

When we work towards big life goals, the process is never neat or linear. Showing up and doing whatever you need to do (even just writing one sentence) can feel like a daily grind. Mild discomfort usually infuses the whole process.

Accept that’s how it is. It will sometimes feel like a hard slog, but the rewards are worth it.

The long-term rewards of working on your goals far outweigh the superficial rewards of scrolling through social media, watching Netflix, etc.

Even if you don’t achieve what you initially set out to do, chances are you’ll still be better off than you were before. Why? Because you’ll have learnt a bunch of new skills and life lessons.

4. Stop external forces from sabotaging your goals

Be careful who you share your goals with. Some people delight in stamping all over your goals and crushing your hopes and dreams.

For example, when I was 10 years old, I started attending drama classes outside of school. These classes were a lot of fun and quickly became the highlight of my week.

I remember thinking, “When I grow up, I want to run a drama academy to help boost kids’ confidence”.

I felt inspired by this idea. Drama had helped me come out of my shell and I wanted this for other kids who were lacking confidence. So, I decided to be brave and share my plans with my primary school teacher at the time.

I was expecting Mr D to say, “Good for you, Jane!”. But instead, he said with a smirk, “How do you think you’re going to do that?”

And then he started grilling me with questions . . .

“Where will you get the money from to set this up?”
“Who is going to come to your classes?”
“Where do you plan on running these classes?”

On and on Mr D went.

Ugh. “Just stop Mr D!” I wanted to scream.

I was left feeling crushed.

So, take it from me: Be careful who you share your goals with. Because some people get a kick out of squashing stuff (e.g., your dreams).

But nowadays, there’s a more powerful (and often overlooked) force that can mess with your goals: social media

If you’re constantly checking social media and looking at what other people are doing, that’s time and energy you could have spent working towards your goals. But that’s only part of the story . . .

Social media exposes you to a hodgepodge of content: the best bits of people’s lives, advertising, conspiracy theories, and outrage-inducing influencers. All this noise messes with your goals by subtly shifting and changing your worldview, beliefs, attitudes, and what you view as important in life.

In his brilliant book Stand Out of Our Light: Freedom and Resistance in the Attention Economy, ex-Google strategist and now Oxford-trained philosopher James Williams shares his struggles with this. He states:

“. . . I felt that the attention-grabby techniques of technology design were playing a nontrivial role. I began to realise that my technologies were enabling habits in my life that led my actions over time to diverge from the identity and values by which I wanted to live. It wasn’t just that my life’s GPS was guiding me into the occasional wrong turn, but rather that it had programmed me a new destination in a far-off place that it did not behoove me to visit. It was a place that valued short-term over long-term rewards, simple over complex pleasures.”

He adds:

“…I found myself spending more and more time trying to come up with clever things to say in my social posts, not because I felt they were things worth saying but because I had come to value these attentional signals for their own sake. Social interaction had become a numbers game for me, and I was focused on “winning” – even though I had no idea what winning looked like. I just knew that the more of these rewarding little social validations I got, the more of them I wanted. I was hooked.

. . . I had lost the higher view of who I really was, or why I wanted to communicate with all these people in the first place.”

When you go on social media, you need to realise that there are thousands of highly intelligent people on the other side of the screen and it’s their job to figure out how to capture and exploit your attention.

In short, the values and goals of these big tech companies are not aligned with your values and goals. Facebook’s first research scientist Jeff Hammerbacher summed it up nicely when he said:

“The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to make people click ads . . . and it sucks.”

Take a moment to think of the people who you admire. How would you feel if you saw them spending vast amounts of time distracted and obsessed with social media?

I’ll leave you with this powerful quote from author Adam Gnade:

“Would you respect them [your biggest hero] as much if you saw them hunched over their phone all day like a boring zombie? No, you want them out there in the world doing heroic things, writing that great novel/song/whatever, saving the planet, standing up for the disenfranchised, or whatever else it was that made you love them in the first place. Let’s try to be as good as our heroes.”

Whatever you want in life, work out what you need to do to get there (i.e., the concrete behaviours), and then roll up your sleeves and get started.