Improve Your Focus: Outsourcing Self Control

Image by Ruby Rose
A few months ago I came across this picture that several friends had shared on Facebook (courtesy of Ruby Rose). Many people identified with this image making comments along the lines of –

“So sad but TRUE!”

Sites like Facebook, YouTube and Tumblr are incredibly addictive.

Deep down we all know we should be working towards our long term goals. But the pull towards instant gratification and pleasure is often too strong and triumphs over good reasoning and common sense.

Perhaps you’ve had the experience where you said to yourself –

“I’ll just go on Facebook for 5 minutes and then I’ll start working on that report…”

However a few hours later you were still exploring videos, peoples’ holiday photos and links to various meaningless articles.

It’s so easy to get screen sucked and lose sight of your goals. At some point we need to ask ourselves the question –

“Is going on Facebook [Tumblr, Twitter, etc] worth not achieving my goals?”

Most of us would say no, but in the next breath we may find ourselves logging into Facebook.

But what if you weren’t able to log into addictive sites? What if every hour that you wasted on Facebook meant you had to donate your hard earned money to charity? What if you were able to see how much time you spent on social media?

Thanks to modern technology, there are now a number of innovative ways you can monitor time wasting behaviour, outsource your self control and stay off addictive sites. Below I outline a number of applications and websites that have been designed to do just that.

The Quantified self:
The Quantified self is a website that presents information on tracking a number of behaviours including how you spend your time online. The simple act of tracking any behaviour can be a great wake up call and impetus for personal change. Check out the forum discussion on free Time Tracker programs here.

Anti-social: Anti-Social blocks you out of over 50 social sites (e.g. Facebook, Tumblr, Skype) for the time period that you specify. It’s only available for Macs and costs $15 to purchase. A free trial program is available.

Procrasdonate: You specify the sites that you procrastinate on and pledge to donate a certain amount to a charity for every hour you waste on these sites. Having something at stake may be all it takes to keep you off particular sites.

Freedom: Freedom blocks you out of the internet for a period of time that you specify. Costs $10 (US dollars) and is available for both MAC and Windows.

Self control:
This free app requires you to specify the websites that you want to lock yourself out of. I have heard some students say it has bugs and can freeze their computers occasionally. Perhaps these problems have now been fixed, so it’s probably still worth checking out. Only available for MACs.

If you want to maximise your chances of achieving your goals and establishing new habits check out sites such as Stickk.com, 43things.com and the 21habit.com.

All of the above websites and apps are brilliant tools for self improvement and productivity. But you need to remember none of them are a quick fix. Simply downloading them won’t miraculously turn you into a productivity god/goddess. They are just clever tools that you need to be disciplined enough to use in the first place to experience any benefits.

But if you are serious about working in a more focused way, I highly recommend using one or two of them.

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The practice of working like a sprinter

How often is your work interrupted by notifications or distracting thoughts that you find hard to ignore?

In our modern world, overwhelm and distraction threaten to constantly derail us.

As artist Austin Kleon states in his book Keep Going:

“Your attention is one of the most valuable things you possess, which is why everyone wants to steal it from you. First you must protect it, and then you must point it in the right direction.”

In this article, I share a powerful practice that can help you protect your attention and point it in the right direction: working like a sprinter.

The focused energy of an athlete

As a teenager, I remember watching Australian Aboriginal athlete Cathy Freeman run in the 400-metre race at the Sydney 2000 Olympics.

In that incredible race, Cathy did one thing and one thing only: she ran as fast as she could in a focused, intense burst.

She was 27 years old and had been training for this event for 17 years. Having won silver at the previous Olympics, the pressure was on. The entire nation was watching Cathy.

Cathy Freeman wins gold

To this day, I still get goosebumps when I watch the footage of this race (you can watch it here).

Cathy was in the zone. She was completely focused on the task at hand. She knew what she needed to do: run.

Shortly after crossing the finish line, Cathy sat down to catch her breath and process what she had just accomplished (she had won gold). The crowd went wild and was completely absorbed in the moment, too.

Back in the year 2000, during the Sydney Olympics, smartphones and social media didn’t exist. Not everyone had access to the internet (my family did, but it was slow, expensive, and could only be used at home on a computer). In this environment, it was much easier to focus.

It’s fair to say that the early 2000s were simpler times.

Some scholars (e.g., Dr Jonathan Haidt, and Dr Anna Lembke) argue that smartphones and social media have caused several harms to society, including a reduced capacity to pay attention and an inability to tolerate discomfort.

Despite the noise and chaos of the modern world, it’s possible to train yourself to focus better.

How do we cultivate better focus?

One way is to tackle our work like sprinters.

The Practice: Working like a Sprinter

The practice of working like a sprinter is refreshingly simple: You work in a short, focused burst (25-45 minutes), then take a break to rest and recover (5-15 minutes). After that, you repeat the process a few times before taking a much longer break (30 minutes).

 

Sprint-rest-sprint-repeat

I usually work this way for about 3 – 4 hours a day.

But I’m not fixed and rigid about this practice. This technique is adaptable. The key is to listen to your body and tune into what it needs. Make this practice work for you.

If you develop the habit of working in this focused way, you’ll be amazed by how much you can get done. More importantly, instead of feeling mentally fried at the end of the day, you’ll feel energised. You’ll also experience a delightful sense of calm and peace.

In short, this is a practice well worth cultivating.

 

How to work like a sprinter

In a nutshell, working like a sprinter involves three distinct phases:

  • Warm-up phase: You prepare yourself to do the work
  • Sprint phase: You do the work in a short, focused burst
  • Rest and recovery phase: You take a break to re-energise

 

It’s simple, but it’s a practice that takes practise.

Below, I delve into each phase in more detail and share some things that help me work in focused sprints.

 

The Warm-Up Phase (5 minutes – 120 minutes)

Warm up phase

I do my best work sprints in the morning between 9am and 12noon. But these focused sprints don’t just magically happen. It’s not like I roll out of bed and dive straight into a work sprint. First, I need to warm up.

The warm-up phase allows me to get in the right headspace and set up my environment to be focus-friendly. It has a dramatic impact on my brain’s performance, affecting my ability to focus, creativity, productivity, and mood.

Just to be clear, the stars don’t have to align, and the conditions don’t need to be perfect to kick off a work sprint. I’ve simply noticed that I can work better after engaging in a few behaviours and morning practices.

Here’s what I’ve found makes a difference . . .

 

1. Figure out the things that hijack your attention

What distracts you when you’re trying to work? What things frequently derail you?

Take note of the things that hijack your attention and throw you off track.

In one of my favourite books on getting organised, Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, Susan Pinsky writes:

“The more you explore the distractions that keep you from working, as well as the tools that help you to focus, the more organized and productive you will become.”

Once you know what distracts you, you can figure out ways to deal with those distractions, which brings me to the next point . . .

 

2. Implement distraction blockers

For each distraction, think of ways to make it harder to engage with it. What barriers or strategies could you put in place? Are there any tools that could help you focus better?

For example:

  • Your phone keeps buzzing? Put it away from your body in another room (I put my phone in pocket 1 of a vertical wall hanger in the dining room, well away from my workspace).
  • Keep having distracting, random thoughts? Write them in a notebook and come back to them later.
  • Feel tempted to use chat groups or social media? Use an app like Cold Turkey, Freedom, or one sec to block yourself.

 

Dealing with distractions from the outset (before you sit down to do your work sprints) makes it easier to stay focused and on track.

 

3. Meditate (even just for 3 minutes)

Many of us have become used to constant stimulation; without it, we feel anxious. This is why we reach for our phones and scroll through our feeds as soon as we experience a slight pang of boredom.

If you can relate to this, you will benefit from engaging in a daily meditation practice.

If you’re new to meditation, I recommend starting with the following tiny habit of doing a micro-meditation:

After I put on my shoes, I will pause and breathe in and out three times.

Not sure how to meditate? Close your eyes and focus on your breath, going in and out. If a random thought enters your mind (and it will), notice it and let it go. Then, return your focus to your breath.

Alternatively, you could listen to a guided meditation using an app such Insight Timer.

 

4. Move your body (even just for 5 minutes)

Clinical psychiatrist Dr John Ratey describes exercise as “like a little bit of Ritalin and a little bit of Prozac”. It’s powerful stuff.

Research shows that physical movement can help us focus better and learn faster. In terms of counteracting stress and boosting our mood, movement is like getting a biochemical massage.

This is one reason getting on my treadmill and doing interval training has become a non-negotiable part of my day. In the words of Tara Schuster:

“[Working out] is my preventative measure against the anxiety that lurks in my mind. I must throw myself out of bed in the morning and make it to the gym because I will always, always feel better for it.”

By warming up my body through physical movement, I’m able to warm up my brain by bathing it in feel good chemicals.

Deliberately exposing myself to the discomfort of running also helps me sit with the unpleasant feelings that arise when faced with difficult work. As Alex Soojung-Kim Pang states in his book Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less:

“Exposing yourself to predictable, incremental physical stressors in the gym or the playing field increases your capacity to be calm and clear headed in stressful real world situations.”

On the days when I skip my morning run or a weightlifting session, my wellbeing and productivity take a hit. I don’t feel as mentally sharp or confident about tackling my work. I’ve also noticed that I’m more likely to get distracted and give in to instant gratification during a work sprint.

 

5. Help your future self

Can you do anything in the evening to prepare for your morning work sprints? Completing a few quick tasks before bed can help you conserve energy the next day.

Here are a few simple things I like to do in the evening to get ready for the day ahead:

  • I make my breakfast (overnight oats with berries)
  • I write a short list of the three main things I want to work on the next day
  • I lay out my exercise clothes and running shoes
  • I clear away clutter from my work desks
  • I avoid all screens an hour before bed (I plug my phone in to charge in my office and don’t touch it until the next day)

 

Doing these simple things allows me to carry out my morning routine with ease. Then, I can hit the ground running with a clear, focused mind for my first work sprint.

 

6. Design a distraction free environment

If I check my phone for messages and engage in frivolous texting first thing, I crave distraction and the dopamine hits that come with it for the rest of the day.

For these reasons, I have implemented the following tech rules:

  • No engaging in chat groups for the first 6 hours of the day
  • No checking email or looking at screens for the first hour of the day

 

This may sound extreme, but these restrictions are incredibly liberating. As the author of the book Stand Out of Our Light, James Williams states:

“Reason, relationships, racetracks, rules of games, sunglasses, walls of buildings, lines on a page: our lives are full of useful constraints to which we freely submit so that we can achieve otherwise unachievable ends.”

By blocking myself from digital distractions and all the noise that comes with it, I can focus on chipping away at the projects that are most important to me.

 

7. Prepare the mise en place

Just like a chef prepares all the ingredients before cooking a dish (i.e. they create the mise en place), set yourself up with everything you need to do your work. The last thing you want is to get a few minutes into a work sprint and realise you need to go find a pen that works.

If you have everything you need within arm’s reach, it’s easier to stay focused on the task and get into a flow state.

 

Sprint phase: Doing the Work (25 – 45 minutes)

Once the warm-up phase is complete, we move into the sprint phase. Now, it’s time to do the work.

If you’ve done the work in the warm-up phase, the sprint phase is a lot easier. All you need to do is:

  • Set a timer for the period you intend to work for
  • Do your best to focus on the task at hand until the timer goes off
  • If you get distracted, it’s okay. Write down the distracting thought and gently bring your focus back to your work.

 

There’s no need to feel rushed as you work. You’re not competing with anyone else. This is not a race. It’s totally fine to take things slow.

Don’t expect the sprint phase to be pleasant. Even after a fabulous warm-up, you will most likely feel some discomfort and resistance about doing the work. This is normal.

You’ll feel the urge to run from this discomfort. But instead of running from it, befriend it. Remind yourself that the point of these work sprints is to move the needle on the things that really matter to you.

 

Rest and Recovery Phase (5-30 minutes)

When the timer goes off, take a moment to acknowledge yourself for showing up to do the work. Remember, this practice takes practise, and you just got some reps in.

Now it’s time to rest. You’ll probably have some momentum by now, so you’ll feel like pushing on but stop what you’re doing and step away from your work. As Ali Abdaal mentions in his book Feel-Good Productivity:

“Rest breaks are not special treats. They are necessities.”

I’m not going to lie: this phase has been the hardest for me to master. As someone with workaholic tendencies, I’ve had to work hard at getting rest.

Why is the rest phase so important?

Because the longer you focus, the harder it is to maintain your focus. The act of focusing depletes your brainpower.

The best way to recharge a depleted brain is to rest.

Like focus, rest is a skill. It takes practise. You have to be able to resist the lure of busyness and our fast-paced, always-on culture.

Here are some of my favourite ways to rest and recharge at the moment:

  • Go for a short walk out in nature
  • Do some stretches from Bob Anderson’s excellent book Stretching
  • Chop vegetables in silence (no podcast or music playing)
  • Take a power nap
  • Cut out pictures and glue them down on paper (zine or collage making)
  • Lay on the floor with a bolster under my legs
  • Tidy up a surface
  • Journal in my notebook
  • Prepare a toddler tray of healthy snacks (this is for myself, not a toddler!)

 

Whenever I find myself wondering whether to keep working or take a break, I ask myself:

“What kind of boss do I want to be for myself? A mean-spirited, hard taskmaster? Or a generous, caring boss who looks out for their employees’ wellbeing?”

The answer is simple: I choose to be a generous boss to myself. Therefore, I give myself permission to rest.

To sum up

I’ve come to see each of the phases of working like a sprinter (Warm-up, Sprint, and Rest and Recovery) as critical to staying healthy and balanced. Through trial and error, I’ve learned that skipping the warm-up or rest phase or going too hard in the sprint phase can lead to chaos and exhaustion.

As you cultivate the practice of working like a sprinter, significant things will happen to you. Not only will you notice that your productivity goes through the roof, but you’ll experience mental calm and clarity like never before.

As digital distractions no longer dominate your day, the noise of the world gets dialled down. You’ll find it easier to tune into what you need and what matters most to you.

I cannot stress enough that this is a practice that takes practise! One or two sprints won’t cut it. You need to persevere for long enough to experience the incredible benefits of this powerful practice.

One sec app

 

Are you happy with how much time you spend on your phone?

When you feel slightly bored, do you feel a reflexive, gravitational pull to check your phone?

If you spend hours each day clicking, scrolling, and posting, I want you to know that it’s not your fault.

It’s not that your weak willed, lacking discipline, or a lazy person.

It’s none of these things.

It’s no mystery or secret why so many people waste so much time on social media. Like a poker machine, these platforms are designed to be highly addictive.

Apps like TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, SnapChat, X (formerly Twitter) and YouTube contain persuasive design features that hijack your most valuable and precious resources: your time, energy, and attention.

 

Why are these Big Tech companies in an arms race to capture and hold people’s attention?

Because the more time we spend on their apps, the more data they can extract and sell for social influence.

The business model of Big Tech companies is simple: Keep people glued to their platforms for as many hours a day as possible.

In other words, your time and attention equal massive profits for these companies.

In his excellent book The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Dr Jonathan Haidt presents data showing teens aged 13-18 spend an average of six to eight hours every day on social media apps. That’s close to 50 hours a week.

 

 

Dr Haidt notes that this is just the time spent on the app. It doesn’t factor in the time spent thinking about social media while they multitask in the real world.

So, that’s 50+ hours that could have been spent outside in nature, learning a language, working a part-time (or full-time) job, making art, cooking, exercising, getting more sleep, and hanging out with friends.

Let’s also not forget that these apps intervere with and harm our wellbeing and ability to think and learn.

The multi-tasking that takes place as we engage with these apps throughout the day drains our brainpower, weakens our memory, and makes us tense and anxious.

The social comparisons we engage in on these platforms also warps our perception of reality and leaves us feeling like we’re not enough.

So, here’s something to consider . . .

 

What if you could protect your time, energy and attention from social media companies?

It’s possible, and I’m going to show you how.

I recently discovered a simple tool that helps people stop mindlessly consuming social media and other addictive apps.

It’s an app called one sec.

one sec is a self-nudging tool that helps you to create barriers to Big Tech that align with your goals and values.

 

 

Here’s how it works:

As you open up an addictive app, one sec intervenes by creating a 10-second delay in opening the app.

one sec creates the little bit of friction needed to make you pause and reconsider your behaviour.

After the delay, one sec presents you with a choice: Do you want to proceed with opening up the target app (e.g., TikTok)? Or close the app and do something else?

The creators of one sec explain it works by utilising three intervention strategies:

  • Creating friction (i.e., the time delay)
  • Giving you the option to not proceed and close the target app
  • Deliberate messaging

 

It’s important to highlight that you’re in control of the whole experience. You specify what apps you want one sec to target. You can also modify the time delay (making it shorter or longer) and change the deliberate messaging.

The question is, does this app work?

Or is it just another gimmicky product that fails to change your behaviour in a significant way?

I’ve been experimenting with this app for the last month, and I’m pleased to say it’s working for me!

Even though I don’t have social media and the wicked algorithms that come with them, I recently noticed that I was spending far too much time in group chats.

one sec has helped me be more intentional and deliberate with how I engage with these chat groups.

Instead of mindlessly checking these apps whenever I have time to kill, I now have dedicated periods when I engage with them. I’m following Dr Faye Begeti’s advice when she recommends in her book The Phone Fix to “Set a finite number of times for checking social media, condensing a large number of short checks into defined, longer ones.”

This is what one sec has helped me to do, and as a result, my focus and well-being have improved. I feel calmer. My days feel longer and less frenetic.

But I realise I’m a sample size of one. Plus, I’m highly motivated to reduce my time on addictive apps.

Is one sec effective in helping others to reduce their social media consumption?

The short answer is yes.

This research study found the app one sec helped people to significantly decrease their social media consumption.

 

 

In this study, 280 participants used the one sec app for a six-week period. Here’s what the researchers found:

36% of the time participants attempted to open a target app, they chose to close the app using one sec (i.e., they did not proceed with using the target app).

 

 

Over time, participants also opened the target apps less.

 

 

Opening problematic apps less or choosing to close problematic apps before engaging with them is actually a really big deal. Here’s why . . .

Less engagement with these addictive apps means less hits of dopamine.

Every quick and easy hit of dopamine you get from social media leads you to crave more stimulation from these apps. Before you know it, you’re in a full blown dopamine driven feedback loop.

Whenever I’m stuck in a dopamine loop, I’m not #livingmybestlife. Far from it! I feel overstimulated, chaotic, and jittery. Here’s why . . .

In his book How to Calm Your Mind, Chris Bailey explains that the brain networks for dopamine and calm are anti-correlated.

What does this mean?

It means when the dopamine network is activated, the calm network isn’t.

Imagine every time you mindlessly reach for your phone to check social media, you’re moving further and further away from a state of calm.

This may explain why participants in the one sec study reported experiencing increased satisfaction and happiness after decreasing their consumption of problematic apps.

 

Other one sec features worth exploring

The main intervention features (i.e., the time delay and option to not proceed with the target app) will help you decrease your consumption of addictive apps.

But there are many other features available with this app.

As you explore the additional features, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. There’s a lot of extra bells and whistles. For example, there is the “Don’t get lost” notifications (i.e., scheduled reminders to close the target app when you are using it) and website blocking.

But like a lot of things in life, more features don’t necessarily result in a better user experience.

Ultimately, I decided to follow BJ Fogg’s behaviour design principle of ‘Simplicity changes behaviour’. I stuck with using just the basic features of this app.

I knew if I overcomplicated the app, I probably wouldn’t use it.

All that being said, there were two additional features I incorporated:

1. Strict Block Feature

I use the strict block feature every day. To be clear, the strict block feature is not to be confused with the basic block feature. What’s the difference?

If you select a basic block, you’re not really blocking yourself from the app. But there’s a barrier in place. If you try to open the target app, it brings up the following message:

 

“Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to stop this block?”

 

Whereas a strict block is a genuine bona fide block. You cannot use your target apps until the block is over.

If you have developed a mindless habit of reaching for your phone and checking certain apps, you need a strict block in place until your brain has had a chance to recalibrate itself.

Here is the tiny habit I created to give my brain a chance to rewire to lower hit of dopamine from my smartphone:

 

After I pick up my phone in the morning, I will open one sec and press strict block for six hours.

 

Activating a strict block means I’m in charge for the first six hours of my day (and the addictive apps are not running the show). This sets the tone for the day and puts me in proactive mode rather than chasing quick hits of dopamine. It also helps me stay calm and grounded.

 

A word of warning:

Even when you feel like you have regained control over your target apps, you must remain vigilant. It’s super easy to get drawn back into a dopamine-driven feedback loop.

 

2. The Journal Prompt Feature

The journal prompt is simple and effective. Before accessing the target apps, I am prompted to write about what I have done and what I feel grateful for.

I write 25 words before proceeding to the target app. This gives me a moment to reflect, which is always a worthwhile practice.

 

 

Free alternatives to one sec

There is a free version of one sec you can use, but it limits you to applying one sec to only one target app.

If you have multiple addictive apps on your phone (as most of us do), I recommend the paid version to unlock all the features.

It costs $25AUD for the year, which is value for money if you ask me. The app has already paid for itself in terms of the time, energy, and attention I’ve reclaimed.

I should mention that I had trouble initially installing one sec and getting it to work on the target apps. The process was a little finicky, and I nearly gave up after 20 minutes of trying to figure out how to get the app to work.

You can find similar intervention apps that are free and easier to install, such as ScreenZen. ScreenZen appears to be based on similar mechanisms (i.e., introducing a time delay and friction to the target app).

My brother recently started using ScreenZen to help combat his mindless habit of scrolling through social media. When I asked for his thoughts on this self-nudging app, he said, “It’s annoying.” But then he quickly added, “But that’s the point. It’s annoying, and that’s why you use the apps less.”

Another great feature of ScreenZen is that after spending seven minutes on the target app, it puts a stopping mechanism in place by prompting you to think about if you want to keep using the app.

 

Final thoughts

I don’t think anyone consciously sets a goal to spend 20, 30, or 50+ hours a week on social media. But if you don’t have strategies to combat the addictive apps on your phone, one thing is certain: Big Tech companies will hijack your time, energy, and attention.

As Michael Harris states in his book The End of Absence:

 

“Never forget that you live in an ecosystem designed to disrupt you, and it will take you for a ride if you let it.”

 

So, don’t be taken for a ride. You can easily access self-nudging tools, such as one sec and ScreenZen, to help you defend your time, energy, and attention.

Think of the things you’ve always wanted to do but tell yourself, “I don’t have the time. I’m too busy”. What if you could reclaim a significant chunk of time to do those things today? Would it be worth taking a chance on a self-nudging app?

You’ve got nothing to lose except potentially $25.

I encourage you to test out one of these apps to protect your most precious resources (i.e., your time, energy, and attention).

 

Note: In case you’re wondering, I have not been paid or sponsored by one sec to write this article.

Students often cringe when they hear two words: goal setting.

I understand this cringe factor.

In high school, goal setting felt forced. I’d think, “Why are they making me do this?” and “What’s the point?”.

However, once I got to university, I realised that goals are a helpful life strategy.

In this article, I want to share my perspective on goal setting and how this strategy has helped me to get things done.

I’m going to tell you:

• What goals are
• Why you’d want to have them
• How to stick at them
• Why you need to protect your goals from destructive outside forces

Let’s go!

What are goals?

Goals are things you want to do. Perhaps you want to write a book, jog around the block every morning, start a podcast, get a part-time job to save money or learn to play an instrument. These are goals.

Why bother setting goals?

• Goals give your life a sense of purpose
• Goals give your life meaning and a reason to get out of bed
• Goals help to focus your mind on what you want/need to do
• Goals help you to create a better, less boring life

As Giovanni Dienstmann explains in his book Mindful Self Discipline:

“We all need to aspire to something and feel that we are going somewhere. Otherwise, there is a sense of boredom in life. Our daily routine feels stale and unengaging. As a result, we seek relief through bad habits, and seek engagement through mindless entertainment, news, social media, games, etc.”

Why is it so hard to persevere with goals?

Have you ever set a goal, you felt excited, but then that excitement quickly dissipated, and you gave up on the goal?

Whenever this happens, it’s easy to think, “Goal setting doesn’t work!”.

However, the problem isn’t with goal setting as a strategy.

The problem is that motivation is completely unreliable (it comes and goes). Plus, you were probably never taught how to achieve your goals in the first place.

In other words, you were set up to fail.

There’s a lot of pretty average advice out there about goal setting. I’ve heard dozens of goal setting pep talks, and many can be summed up like this:

“Set a goal, make it SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound), break it down, blah, blah, blah.”

Most students tune out when they hear these pep talks. You can feel the energy being sucked out of the room.

This advice doesn’t work for most people. And it’s incomplete.

What’s missing from these goal setting pep talks?

I’ve found that the following simple ideas can make a big difference in helping you move from inaction to action when it comes to pursuing your goals:

1. Dial down your expectations: Set the bar low

Achieving big long-term goals requires consistently engaging in small behaviours over time. You need to chip away and develop habits to get there.

For instance, after taking a hiatus from writing books (because I felt stuck and overwhelmed by the idea), I finally started writing down my ideas.

What helped me to get unstuck?

By starting small.

I told myself all I had to do was open the Word document and write one sentence. And the sentence didn’t even have to be good! But I had to do this every single day.

If I wanted to write more than one sentence, I could. But one sentence was my absolute minimum. Most days, I wrote at least a paragraph. But when I didn’t feel great, I would show up and write one sentence.

Nine months later, I had a draft manuscript ready to send to my editor.

2. Swarm of Bs: Brainstorm specific behaviours

Many different behaviours can help you achieve your goal. The first step is to brainstorm all the possible behaviours that can help you move closer to it.

One way to do this is with BJ Fogg’s tool, Swarm of Behaviors (also known as Swarm of Bs).

Here’s what you do:

You write your goal/aspiration/outcome (whatever you want to achieve) in the middle of a sheet of paper. Then, you spend a few minutes listing all the behaviours that will help you achieve it.

Dr Fogg stresses:

“You are not making any decisions or commitments in this step. You are exploring your options. The more behaviors you list, the better.”

When I was brainstorming behaviours that could help me to write my next book, I came up with the following list:

1. Use an Internet blocker app and block myself from distracting websites
2. Carry a notepad and pen with me everywhere I go (to capture ideas)
3. Write one sentence every morning
4. Speak my ideas into a voice recorder when I go for a walk
5. Use the Write or Die app
6. Manage my inner critic (when it strikes, say to myself, “It can’t be all bad!”)
7. Give myself a pep talk each day (e.g., “Done is better than perfect!”)
8. Do Julia Cameron’s morning page activity (i.e., free writing)
9. Attend a writing retreat
10. Sign up for the ‘Turbocharge your writing’ course
11. Pick up a mind map, select an idea and use it as a writing prompt

Once you’ve finished brainstorming potential behaviours, go through your list and select just a few behaviours to get the ball rolling (I selected #1, #3, and #6).

It’s well worth spending a couple of minutes making each of these behaviours ‘crispy’ (i.e., specific). For instance, for Behaviour #1, I decided which websites I would block myself from using and at what times.

3. Expect the process to be messy

When we work towards big life goals, the process is never neat or linear. Showing up and doing whatever you need to do (even just writing one sentence) can feel like a daily grind. Mild discomfort usually infuses the whole process.

Accept that’s how it is. It will sometimes feel like a hard slog, but the rewards are worth it.

The long-term rewards of working on your goals far outweigh the superficial rewards of scrolling through social media, watching Netflix, etc.

Even if you don’t achieve what you initially set out to do, chances are you’ll still be better off than you were before. Why? Because you’ll have learnt a bunch of new skills and life lessons.

4. Stop external forces from sabotaging your goals

Be careful who you share your goals with. Some people delight in stamping all over your goals and crushing your hopes and dreams.

For example, when I was 10 years old, I started attending drama classes outside of school. These classes were a lot of fun and quickly became the highlight of my week.

I remember thinking, “When I grow up, I want to run a drama academy to help boost kids’ confidence”.

I felt inspired by this idea. Drama had helped me come out of my shell and I wanted this for other kids who were lacking confidence. So, I decided to be brave and share my plans with my primary school teacher at the time.

I was expecting Mr D to say, “Good for you, Jane!”. But instead, he said with a smirk, “How do you think you’re going to do that?”

And then he started grilling me with questions . . .

“Where will you get the money from to set this up?”
“Who is going to come to your classes?”
“Where do you plan on running these classes?”

On and on Mr D went.

Ugh. “Just stop Mr D!” I wanted to scream.

I was left feeling crushed.

So, take it from me: Be careful who you share your goals with. Because some people get a kick out of squashing stuff (e.g., your dreams).

But nowadays, there’s a more powerful (and often overlooked) force that can mess with your goals: social media

If you’re constantly checking social media and looking at what other people are doing, that’s time and energy you could have spent working towards your goals. But that’s only part of the story . . .

Social media exposes you to a hodgepodge of content: the best bits of people’s lives, advertising, conspiracy theories, and outrage-inducing influencers. All this noise messes with your goals by subtly shifting and changing your worldview, beliefs, attitudes, and what you view as important in life.

In his brilliant book Stand Out of Our Light: Freedom and Resistance in the Attention Economy, ex-Google strategist and now Oxford-trained philosopher James Williams shares his struggles with this. He states:

“. . . I felt that the attention-grabby techniques of technology design were playing a nontrivial role. I began to realise that my technologies were enabling habits in my life that led my actions over time to diverge from the identity and values by which I wanted to live. It wasn’t just that my life’s GPS was guiding me into the occasional wrong turn, but rather that it had programmed me a new destination in a far-off place that it did not behoove me to visit. It was a place that valued short-term over long-term rewards, simple over complex pleasures.”

He adds:

“…I found myself spending more and more time trying to come up with clever things to say in my social posts, not because I felt they were things worth saying but because I had come to value these attentional signals for their own sake. Social interaction had become a numbers game for me, and I was focused on “winning” – even though I had no idea what winning looked like. I just knew that the more of these rewarding little social validations I got, the more of them I wanted. I was hooked.

. . . I had lost the higher view of who I really was, or why I wanted to communicate with all these people in the first place.”

When you go on social media, you need to realise that there are thousands of highly intelligent people on the other side of the screen and it’s their job to figure out how to capture and exploit your attention.

In short, the values and goals of these big tech companies are not aligned with your values and goals. Facebook’s first research scientist Jeff Hammerbacher summed it up nicely when he said:

“The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to make people click ads . . . and it sucks.”

Take a moment to think of the people who you admire. How would you feel if you saw them spending vast amounts of time distracted and obsessed with social media?

I’ll leave you with this powerful quote from author Adam Gnade:

“Would you respect them [your biggest hero] as much if you saw them hunched over their phone all day like a boring zombie? No, you want them out there in the world doing heroic things, writing that great novel/song/whatever, saving the planet, standing up for the disenfranchised, or whatever else it was that made you love them in the first place. Let’s try to be as good as our heroes.”

Whatever you want in life, work out what you need to do to get there (i.e., the concrete behaviours), and then roll up your sleeves and get started.